Not My Perfect Day
by Authoressinhiding
Summary: [complete] A random girl falls into ME along with a perfect one. Chaos, trouble, and insanity ensue.
1. Unpleasant First Impressions

**Author's Note: This story came into my mind after I spent a while looking at a forum that complained about Mary-Sues. In it, I have decided to pit the Mary-Sue of Mary-Sues against a normal girl. Let's see who wins.**

**Disclaimer: All hail the Tolkien king! Not me.**

* * *

There are times you want to get stuck in Middle-earth and times you would really rather be safe in bed, reading a really good book. This time was definitely one of the latter.

But before I go getting ahead of myself, let me describe myself. At the best of times, I'm rather overweight. My eyes are gray, and my hair is dishwater blond. I keep it short and barely ever mess with it. I don't like to run and can neither ride a horse nor use any weapons, save my tongue. I play the flute and a bit of piano. I constantly have my nose stuck in a book or inches from a story on fanfiction.

Anyway, that day had not gone well. My reading teacher had been gone, so I had double homework and had to lug my heavy textbook home. The cat threw up on my carpet, so I was in a decidedly bad mood when I somehow got stuck in Middle-earth. It wasn't like in stories, where you fall through a book or TV screen or dream the tale. I just blinked, and when I reopened my eyes, I was somewhere totally unfamiliar.

_Where is this?_

Standing not 100 yards from me was a girl whose appearance defied all description. Her long, silky, perfect hair blew out behind her in the wind. It was a fiery red. Her eyes, large voluminous orbs, were a startling emerald. Her face bore no scars, no imperfections. She was, in effect, perfect. I, of course, hated her on principle.

"Oh," she remarked, seeing me for the first time. "Who are you?"

"No one of importance," I replied. It was true – enough. "Who are you?" I countered.

"Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow," she told me. "And I am important."

The way she said it made up my mind. I definitely did not like her. Anyone who calls herself important has a bit too much pride, unless they truly are important, like Gandalf or Elrond. I'm not the most humble person in the world myself, but I don't go around proclaiming my own importance.

"Why are you here?" I asked, all the while fishing in my brain for a map of Middle-earth. The one time I could use my Tolkien books – The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales of Numenor and Middle-earth, and The History of Middle-earth series –, I mean really use them, I didn't have any of them. All I had with me was my school clothes and a pack of Extra cool green apple mint gum. Not exactly your save-the-world materials.

"I am here to be rescued by Legolas of Mirkwood. He will fall in love with me, and we shall live in bliss forever!" the girl cried.

It was then officially established. She was a major drama queen, even more than I was. Sure, I got accused of being dramatic by my friends at least once a week, but even I, a fantasizer and reader, didn't think that Legolas would fall in love with me. To use Susan's word from The Chronicles of Narnia, logically, it was very unlikely. Almost impossible.

"Okay," I said, still searching for the map, "do you know where we are at all?"

"The Ettenmoors," she replied, scanning the horizon.

"Troll country!" I practically yelled. She may have had red hair, but she was either blond and ditzy, or she was crazy.

"Yes. Rumor has it that the sons of Elrond were seen her last. They will rescue me and take me to Rivendell, where I shall meet Legolas, my beloved."

She sounded like a broken record or a princess from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C. Wrede. Lovely, conceited, and rather stupid, if you ask me.

"And what if he doesn't like you?" I asked, looking around for a river. Ah! There was the Hoarwell.

"He will," she smiled deviously.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. She was obviously deluded. Elf princes just don't go around falling in love with teenage girls. They just don't. It was getting cold, and I was becoming scared. The Ettenmoors are not a homey place, and trolls come out after the sun goes down. I had no wish to meet any of that horrid breed.

"Well, whatever. I think we ought to get out of here."

"Oh?" She raised one perfectly plucked and penciled eyebrow.

This girl really made me mad. Before I could strangle her, however, I heard a warg's howl. Wargs don't look anything like Peter Jackson and Weta visualized. They are gigantic wolves with thick, matted fur and sharp teeth. I know because I've met them in nightmares.

But going on, I heard another howl after the first and then another. Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow – I hate that name! – just stood there, listening to the howls.

I would have given anything then for a sword, a flashlight, even my dog, but I couldn't have any of them. I pulled a piece of gum out of the pack and popped it into my mouth. Hey, if I was doomed, I might as well die with fresh breath.

She noticed it.

"Gum chewing isn't ladylike," she commented.

I ignored her, blew a large bubble, and popped it loudly and with great satisfaction. She flinched. I popped my gum again. And again. And again! She was really annoyed, and I could tell. Maybe it was the way her hands kept forming fists or the evil glares she was sending my way. I'm not sure which.

The sun had set, and I was prepared for trouble. Well, as prepared as an unarmed teenage girl could be. I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chin. The wargs were still howling.

I didn't think singing would scare them off; my voice was neither good enough nor bad enough to do that. With the bright elven stars, though, I was in a mood to sing. It reminded me of the cold night that I'd lain in the grass and watched the stars before going to a movie. Music, tunes, and lyrics flashed through my mind. The song that I sang, however, surprised me, not to mention **her.**

"Maxwelton's braes are bonny

Where early falls the dew.

And 'twas there that Annie Laurie

Gave me her promise true.

"Gave me her promise true

Which ne'er forgot will be

And for bonny Annie Laurie

I'd lay me down and die.

"Her brow is like the snowdrift.

Her throat is like the swan.

Her face it is the fairest

That e'er the sun shone on.

"That e'er the sun shone on

And dark blue is her eye

And for bonny Annie Laurie

I'd lay me down and die.

"Like the dew on gowan lying

Is the fall of fairy feet.

And like winds in summer sighing

Her voice is low and sweet.

"Her voice is low and sweet.

She's all the world to me.

And for bonny Annie Laurie,

I'd lay me down and die."

Surprisingly, the wargs hadn't howled while I sang. The song was a Scottish love ballad my 7th grade choir had done the previous year. I barely even made it through without yawning. This time, however, I didn't have the urge. Middle-earth was so much bigger and grander than I'd ever imagined. It made me feel so small.

"You're not a very good singer," Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow commented. I could have killed her.

**

* * *

Author's Note: So there we are. Please review and tell me how much you loved it/hated it/both. Come on, the gray/blue/purple button is calling you. PRESS IT!**


	2. Twin Sighting

**Simply Vicious – odd name. I made up MEKESSG to be the ultimate Mary-Sue, of course. I just wonder how long it'll be before the protagonist forces me to let her kill MEKESSG. Not long, though.**

**Randomrohanfreak – Of course I'm a fan. There will be more mention of Patricia C. Wrede stuff later on. Why cry "DEATH TO SUES!" if you can do things a little bit more interesting to all involved.**

**Lt. Commander Richie – That's how I wrote her to be. I hate that stupid button and its color. It gives me so many problems.**

**Drunken Landlord – Me too. I'm having so much fun writing this.**

**Ovrxtendeddoggieton – weird name. More is coming.**

**Emily – Confrontations, or murders? Personally, I see both.**

**Ames – Leave me alone about that button! I don't really care what color it is! OK. Now that that's off my chest, um, shall I put you on hold for killing her? 'Cause you'll have to get behind me. Does MEKESSG sound like a prep to you?**

**Disclaimer: All hail Tolkien! BOW NOW!**

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. You're making me feel special. – blushes -**

* * *

"Ching a ring a ring ching ching

Ho a ding a ding kum larkee

Ching a ring a ring ching ching

Ho a ding kum larkee.

"Brothers gather 'round

Listen to this story

'Bout the Promised Land

An' the promised glory.

"You don't need to fear

If you have no money.

You don't need none there

To buy you milk and honey.

Ching a ring a ring ching ching

Ho a ding a ding kum larkee

Ching a ring a ring ching ching

Ho a ding kum larkee.

"There you'll ride in style

Coach with four white horses.

There the evening meal

Has one two three four courses.

"Ching a ring a ring ching

Ching a ring ching

Ho a ding a ding kum larkee

Ching a ring a ring ching

Ho a ding kum larkee.

"There we all will dance

To the harp and fiddle

Waltz and jig and prance

Cast off down the middle.

"Ching a ching ching a ching

Ching a ching ching a ching

Chinga ringa ching ching

Chinga ringa ching ching

Chinga ringa chinga ringa

Chinga ringa chinga ringa

Ching ching ching ching

CHAW!"

I took in a huge breath. That song was another we'd done in choir. I might have left out some "chings", but right now I didn't care. I collapsed on the grass, laughing. Don't ask why, I just was. Perhaps it could have been that the thought, _Well, I'm definitely not going to make it to the movies tonight_, had just forced its way into my head.

MEKESSG – her name is so annoyingly long I think I'll just abbreviate it – just stared at me as if I was crazy. Chances are I was, but she didn't need to stare. I popped my gum once again to see what she would do.

"Will you stop that?" she screamed.

"No," I told her calmly. This was really fun.

Just then, sadly, both of us heard hoof beats. She whirled around, hugging herself in ecstasy. I got up and brushed off my jeans and hoodie. I looked like mud next to her, but, oh, well. The hoof beats came closer, and less than ten minutes later, two white elven horses came into view. Sitting upon their backs were Elladan and Elrohir. They looked a lot more serious than I had imagined, but just as handsome. Unfortunately, they saw Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow first. Her effect on them was stupendous. Elven mouths dropped open, their clear gray eyes clouded over, and I would swear that I saw drool slide down their chins and onto their clothes. My loathing for MEKESSG doubled to say the least.

"Fair maiden, why are you and your servant adrift in such troubled lands?" asked one of the twins. Three guesses as to who was the fair maiden and to who was the servant.

She smirked. I was really getting close to becoming a murderer. "We were wondering, o glorious son of Elrond, if you would be so kind as to escort us to Rivendell." She was a suck-up, no hands down.

"We will take you," answered the twin who had spoken earlier. "My name is Elrohir. You may ride with me. Your servant may ride with Elladan, my brother."

Of course, she was able to mount with ease, and I had to have a boost from Elladan, meaning he had to get off and give me a boost up. He then got on in front of me. I'm telling you now, I definitely felt like unwanted baggage.

Elladan was polite enough, but he mostly ignored me, unless it was to ask about **her.**

"What is your mistress's business in Rivendell?"

"Okay, um, one, she's not my mistress. I serve none but myself currently and am revolted and very annoyed at being thought her servant. Two, I don't know and don't care. Three, is she all you care about? And four, we just met accidentally."

"Oh." He digested this information and thought about something to say. I could practically see the cogs in his mind working. "Do you have to hold on so tightly?"

"Well, seeing as how your waist and shoulders are the only things I have to hold onto, and that I'm not a very good rider, yes."

"Oh." More thinking. "Who was singing earlier?"

"You might hear differently, but that was me."

He smiled, the first real smile I'd had directed at me since arriving in Middle-earth. "You sing well."

"Thank you."

"What is your name?" He couldn't really see MEKESSG, so I suppose her effect on him was wearing off, thank goodness.

But my name. What was I going to tell him? My real name, or the Sindarin one my friend had translated mine into. The latter better suited my fancy.

"Um, you can call me Candorien," I quipped, watching his face for a reaction.

"Ah, bold counselor of the land. I see."

"Something like that," I told him. It was really more like "Can-bold, gor-to counsel, ien – female suffix". It was very enjoyable to be holding onto him and to be so close to an elf. What can I say? I'm human – and a girl besides. I wouldn't move extra-close to him on purpose – I'm not that kind of girl, not at all –, but when a situation presents itself – oh, whatever. The experience was forced upon me, so I was going to enjoy it. The only bad part was the cold and the fact that his long, dark hair kept blowing in my face, whipping it like a horse's tail attacks flies. Elrohir and MEKESSG were almost out of sight now, but that was just fine with me. Just fine.

"What were you doing out here?" I asked Elladan. Might as well know a bit about this guy, seeing as how I was stuck on his horse in the middle of nowhere. Well, nowhere to me, but not to other people. Going on,

"Hunting a group of trolls and some orcs," the elf replied. "You shouldn't have been out on the Ettenmoors. It's dangerous, not at all safe for two young girls. How old are you, anyway?"

"About thirteen." I winced inwardly at having to tell him this. Either he would get superior or condescending, or he would be all "you poor little girl" on me.

To my surprise, he did neither.

"You're just a child then." It was a comment, nothing more.

"Yes," I answered rather stiffly.

"Do you know how old your friend is?"

We were back at **her.** Ugh.

"No, and I don't want to. When are we going to reach Rivendell, anyway?"

"Soon."

"Oh?" I asked, to my horror sounding exactly like little Miss Perfect. Drat.

"Yes," Elladan replied. "It shouldn't take us too long. Like I said earlier, soon."

It couldn't be soon enough.


	3. Bill the Pony

**Simply. Vicious – Whoa, now, who said anything about killing her? That's way too nice. I was thinking more like torture. Such a lovely word, that.**

**Misty005 – You don't have any criticism or other comments? No? Ok, then.**

**Ames – We've got to get back to work on that story. No time to waste! And what's wrong with the main character and Elladan? What would you be doing if you were riding double with Elladan? Don't answer that. You'd probably be pouring itching powder down his back.**

**Emily – Thanks. I bow to you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone; I just took them without permission and may return them someday. If I do not, … oh, well.**

**Author's Note: Please keep reading and enjoying this with me.**

* * *

By the time we reached Rivendell, I was very ticked off. As Elladan and I watched Elrohir help Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow off the white horse, there was no question in my mind. He was whipped. Anything she said, he would do. Whatever she asked for, he'd give her. 

Even from this distance, I could see that there was some high-toned and fancy to-do going on. A feast? Yes. But when were we? I wasn't sure of the time, so I had to talk to Elladan again. He wasn't very happy with me due to an incident that'd happened earlier in the day.

_(flashback)_

"Ouch! What are you doing back there?"

"Nothing." It wasn't exactly true. I was jabbing my index fingers into his sides. The effect my less-than-1/2-inch nails were having was amazing. Even though he was an elf, Elladan wasn't impenetrable to my poking. I varied between poking him, trying to see if I could get gum in his hair, and messing with the horse all day. Hey, when I'm mad at someone, I like to let them know. I got the feeling he knew.

(_end of flashback)_

"Um, Elladan, what's going on here?"

"A feast."

"Well, yeah, that's kind of obvious."

"Frodo Baggins and many other distinguished guests are here," he answered. Poor guy. He looked confused. Maybe it was my tone. Oh well.

"Oh, snap." One of my favorite phrases.

"What?"

"Never mind. I'm sorry about being rude. I'm not in the best of moods."

He smiled sympathetically.

Oh, great. I was falling in love with a book character … again.

Just then, I tried to get off the horse. It was a bad idea. First, Elladan was still on, so I didn't have the stirrups. Second, I was sitting on the horse and not the saddle. Perhaps what happened next shouldn't have been so surprising. I, genius that I was, scooted back a bit too far and slipped off the horse's rear end. I landed on my bum, hard.

Of course, MEKESSG ran over, loudly screaming about how I had broken something and was going to die. Naturally, everyone in Rivendell came running to see what was the matter. I stood up, ignoring any proffered hands – there were none, of course –, and for the second time in two days brushed off my jeans. Rivendell is lovely and all, but it isn't spotlessly clean. Now, in addition to grass stains, my pants had mud on them. Everyone was staring at us. When I say everyone, I mean it. Dwarves, elves, men, hobbits, Gandalf, even Bill the pony for crying out loud!

"Well, folks," I said, trying to laugh and not think about the possibility that I'd broken my tailbone, "never try that at home."

Elladan dismounted and walked right past me without saying a word. I think my heart broke then, as much as any over-imaginative teenager's can. It's like when a sixth grader has a crush on a senior who doesn't even know she exists and he ignores her. Not on purpose, but because he doesn't really see her. In retrospect, my crush was stupid. I hope I learned something from that day. If not, well, if not, then I was definitely in trouble.

"Father," he said to – was that Elrond? It must have been. "I would like you to meet Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow."

She stepped forward and curtsied. Oh, have I mentioned yet that MEKESSG was wearing a dress? A lovely, perfect dress? I haven't? Well, she was.

Elrohir stepped forward, too.

"She has come to Rivendell to meet you, Ada."

Elrond nodded wisely and looked at me curiously.

"Oh," added Elladan, seeing his glance, "this is Candorien." He waved carelessly at me.

I could have sworn I heard some snickers. My face flamed as red as MEKESSG's hair.

No one came to my rescue. I stood there, looking at the ground for a few moments that felt like ages, until MEKESSG spoke.

"We are delighted to be here in Rivendell," she simpered to Elrond. Sickening, just sickening.

Elladan pulled Elrohir away, and they moved over to a tall, dark, weather-beaten man. It must have been Aragorn. He was even more rugged and dirty that Viggo Mortensen, if that was possible. I could see good looks behind the mud. The three started speaking in low tones, then went inside.

The crowd soon dissipated, but not as soon as I wanted. Before they all were gone, the song "The Indefatigable" started playing in my head. It'd been a while since I'd seen the movies, but the song was still strongly imbedded in my memory. I won't burden you with the tune. Just watch any of the first four Horatio Hornblowers and hear it for yourself.

The song made its way out into the air. Before I could stop myself, I was humming very loudly. MEKESSG glared at me, but that had happened too often for me to care anymore. I looked up at the brilliant blue sky and ignored her and everyone else, sinking back into my own little world where I was ruler and clarinets were banned. The last bit was just a whim of mine. Being a flautist, I didn't like clarinets. I didn't even have a good reason. In my mental world, I was tall, thin, and could do cartwheels.

Something knocked into me, and I almost fell over. I'm not graceful and have a tendency to be clumsy. I looked around, then up. Finally, I turned my gaze down enough to see Bill the pony. He hit me with his nose – again!

I like horses and ponies, so my reaction was to scratch him just above his shoulders on both sides of his neck – after making him step back, of course. I picked up his right front hoof. Tsk. Tsk. Too bad I didn't have a hoof pick. That hoof had mud, nuts, hay, and other junk crammed into it. Disgusting. Bill was a nice chestnut color with four white socks. His mane and tail were incredibly tangled. I doubt if 10 gallons of conditioner would have made any difference.

"Um, what are you doing to my Bill?" someone asked. I turned around and saw a hobbit for the first time. Well, I didn't jump high into the air and go "Eeek!" thankfully. He was smaller than I was with curly blond hair on his head and curly brown hair on his feet. I'm not used to big, hairy hobbit feet. Then again, not many thirteen-year-olds are.

"Your Bill?" I asked with a smile. Heaven forgive me if I was being a bully, but this was really fun.

"Yes, my Bill," the hobbit told me, hands on hips.

"Well, then, I confess. I was checking his hooves for thrush to see if he'd be a good mount to escape on after I murder you all in your beds," I said with a straight face. Everything after the word 'thrush' was pure nonsense, but he didn't need to know that.

"Oh. And what have you decided?" He had spunk.

I grinned broadly. This was too much fun.

"First off, your name is Sam Gamgee."

He gaspedlike I was some traveling trickster.

"Second, you need to clean out his hooves. Third, Bill is lucky to have so attentive an owner." I bowed deeply.

Sam smiled at me. It really wasn't hard to guess his name. He was rather portly. But then, it's rather rich of me to call anyone fat when I'm not exactly a super model myself.

MEKESSG looked at me with a frown. I was stealing her show. I smirked at her with an inner glee. MEESSG could mess with the elves, but I had Sam and Bill. Oh, who was I kidding? I was sunk.

"Well," Elrond broke up our glare-fest, "Mary Elizabeth, are you and your servant ready to go to your rooms?"

The dam – meaning my temper – burst. I stomped away from Bill and Sam, and my famous scowl slid over my face.

"I AM NOT HER BLOODY SERVANT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and stormed past Elrond into the building.

"If you'll follow me," he said, and ran to get in front of me. I made a sound low in my throat, the kind a male cat makes when he's facing another male cat, neutered or not. To make a long sentence short, I growled. Today was not going my way.

**

* * *

Author's Note: I hope she's not getting to Mary-Sueish for you guys. If so, just tell me, and I'll fix things. Now, please press your review button, no matter what color, and tell me your opinion. If you notice the CJS-like bit, I will even go so far as to give you a prize… You will receive a brownie, or a cookie; whichever one suits your pleasure. THANKS! **


	4. Singing in the Bathtub

**MeraSparrow – I will find a use for that line, some story, some character, that line will be used, mate, I promise.**

**Emily – Um… I'll let you figure that out.**

**Quizzabella – This is a parody? Who said anything about a parody?**

**Simply.Vicious – Yes, Captain Jack Sparrow. "Impersonating a cleric of the church of England". **

**TheDreamChild – LEGOLAS IS NOT A MARY-SUE! Sorry 'bout the caps-lock.**

**Catalainya – Finally, an anonymous reviewer that left their email! Yay!**

**Phantom'sJediBandGirl – Does your name have anything to do with The Phantom of the Opera? That's for liking me OC.**

**Disclaimer: All hail the Tolkien King!**

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Emily Elizabeth Napier, a very interesting person who scares me all the time and not just because she shares a middle name with MEKESSG. Thanks, Emmy!**

* * *

We followed Elrond to a suite of rooms. He bowed and opened the door. MEKESSG curtsied again. 

"Thanks," I muttered and ducked in behind her.

The grandson of Luthien Tinuviel and Idril Celebrindal smiled at us, but mostly at her.

"You're welcome to join us in the Hall of Fire later."

"Hannon le," MEKESSG whispered. "I'm sure we will." She just had to use Elvish.

"Um, yeah, Elrond, could I get some other clothes?" I begged. I needed something if the desire to run away came over me. My jeans wouldn't last much longer. "Oh, and where can a girl get a bath in this place?"

"I'll have someone show you. Shall I send them in about half an hour?"

"Thanks," I drawled, pulled MEKESSG inside the room, and shut the door in Elrond's face.

I collapsed on the bed inside, laughing hysterically. If no one's noticed yet, I'm insane.

MEKESSG looked at me as if I was a bug on the bottom of her shoe.

"Must you be so, well, crude?" she asked me, obviously annoyed.

"Must you be so self-righteous?" I shot back at her, putting my hands behind my head and trying to stop laughing. I couldn't. I was still enjoying my maniacal laughter thirty minutes later when someone knocked on the door.

"I'm here to escort the lady Mary Elizabeth to the Hall of Fire and to show miss Candorien the bath chamber," an elf told us.

Finally! I felt really grungy. Really grungy.

"Very well," Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow said.

"Thanks!" I exclaimed very enthusiastically.

The elf nodded, and we followed him out the door and down the halls. Five minutes later, he opened a door and ushered me inside.

"The bathroom?" I asked, really happy to get a bath. Indented about three feet into the floor was a stone box with rounded edges, perhaps five feet by two and a half feet. Someone had filled it with hot water. I watched the steam rise. A bar of soap and bottles of what looked like shampoo and conditioner sat on the edge of the stone floor by the bathtub. A large – could it really be a towel? – was on the opposite end of the room.

"Someone will bring you a change of clothes later," the elf told me.

"Thanks, um …"

"Erestor," he supplied.

"Muchas gracias, Erestor!" I pushed him and MEKESSG out the door and leaned against the wall.

There is no need for me to describe the details of my bath. None at all. It was lovely and warm, and it made me clean. Admittedly, I did start singing the bath song from Crickhollow, and someone did yell at me to tune it down, but it otherwise was very enjoyable. I climbed out of the bath and reached for the fluffly white towel. Yes, fluffly, not fluffy. I was almost done drying off when it hit me. No one had come with clean clothes, and I really didn't want to put my school clothes back on. I still had my gum from two nights before. Sick, yeah, but not quite up to Violet Beauregarde's standards.

Just then, someone knocked on the door. I scrambled to wrap the towel around myself.

"Um, who is it?" I queried nervously. If it was Mary Elizabeth …, well, if it was her, I would not be happy at all.

"Arwen," the answer came from a melodious voice.

"Oh, you. Come in, then."

"I cannot. You locked the door."

"Right."

I reached out an arm and unlocked the door. Arwen entered. She was so beautiful it took my breath away. Or maybe I was staring at the jeweled cap on her head. Whatever. Thankfully, she carried a bundle of clothes. Arwen handed them to me and turned around, allowing me to change in privacy. There was a dress, nothing fancy, but lovely all the same. I guess they had figured out my favorite color, because it was this awesomely pretty blue. There were clean undergarments: long, flowing drawers like those people wore back in the 1800's and an undershirt that was of some slightly stiff fabric that would serve as a corset/bra thingy. Arwen had also given me a nightgown. I put on the undergarments and pulled the nightgown over my head. It was night after all, and I was tired. Maniacal laughter does that to you.

"You can turn around now," I said to Arwen.

She did and smiled at my appearance.

"Ready for sleep already, Candorien?"

I chuckled, "I'm no elf, even if my name is Elvish."

"I can see that."

Arwen was nice. Perhaps we cold have even been friends in my world. This was Middle-earth, however, and she was above me in status; we were on uneven footing.

"Your friend Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow said that tomorrow night you both are going to entertain us in the Hall of Fire."

That little…! Homicide was definitely on my mind.

"She didn't tell me. I never volunteered."

"Oh. Well, you are expected to do something."

I groaned. There was no way I would sing in front of elves. No earthly way. No unearthly way, either. I didn't have that much self-confidence. Middle-earth didn't have pianos, either. That didn't set me at ease, anymore.

"Do you have a flute?"

"Yes. There are many flutes in Imladris," she replied uncertainly.

"Then may I please, please, please borrow one?" I begged shamelessly.

"For how long?"

"Indefinitely."

"Oh. Probably."

"May I have it now?"

"Greedy, eh?"

"No, that's not it at all," I blushed. Arwen smiled knowingly. "It's that I want the most practice I can get for tomorrow night."

"I know," she told me. "Come on, and I will show you a few and let you pick."

"Really?" I was ecstatic.

"Yes."

I bundled up the dress and my other clothes and followed Arwen to another room. She showed me several lovely instruments. Most were wooden. I picked out one and found that the notes had basically the same fingerings, except notes that had the right-hand pinky didn't, and those that didn't now did. The wood was a dark reddish brown, and the flute was perfectly in tune, as far as I knew. Perhaps the next night wouldn't be so bad.

**

* * *

Author's note: So how's it going/ Leave me review and tell me how you feel. Again, thanks to Emily (Chief-Marmoset) for many things, some of which I can't say here, as you wouldn't understand. What's taters, Precious? What's taters, eh? **


	5. Swordfighting During the Council

**TheDreamChild – Yes, he is a bit of a MS. I still love him.**

**Ames – Fluffly pink bunnies forever! We need to finish "Plotless" someday.**

**Emily – I don't know. I never know.**

**HazleSilver – Leggy is mine. MINE! As are the twins and Estel.**

**Animebishielover – I don't use such language, and I don't appreciate your having said it in a review. Please don't say something like that again. She is a brat, though.**

**Runa Quill – Hysterical or no, it's crazy. And it's why I write!**

**Phylitr – He'll meet her eventually. We'll all regret it when he does.**

**Maegrambiel – Thank you for thinking it's funny. Is it really?**

**Phantom'sJediBandGirl – It doesn't pan out as you'd expect. Then again, I try not to let anything I write do that.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

I took the flute back to the rooms I was sharing with MEKESSG. After climbing onto the bed and sitting cross-legged on it, I began to play a short, condensed version of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again." It was one of the few songs I knew by heart. I had just finished when she came in, smirking. The smirk fell off her face when she noticed my flute. 

"What are you doing?" she shrieked.

My response was to widen my eyes and to start playing "In Dreams." I was obviously playing the flute, and didn't see the need to tell her what she could see with her own emerald eyes. I had to use glasses for far away seeing, but she was only five feet away. She had to be able to see my flute.

"Put it down and go to sleep," she ordered. "The council of Elrond is tomorrow, and we are to attend."

"Huh?" I asked, dropping the flute onto my lap in surprise.

"We are going to the Council of Elrond tomorrow," she said very slowly and distinctly, as if I was mentally handicapped.

"I heard you," I replied, cradling the instrument. "I was shocked is all."

"Why?"

"Because we have no business there."

"Elrond invited us. We have to go."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we do!" she yelled.

I smiled sarcastically. "You can. I, on the other hand, am not going." Actually, I had every intent to go, but I was going to eavesdrop. My sneaking skills needed practice. Besides, if I went openly, I'd have to sit near MEKESSG and be nice to her. Ugh. That decided it. If I went at all, I was not going openly.

"What?" Oy. Another shriek.

I put the flute down on the floor and climbed into the bed, yawning. I was ready to sleep. The only problem was, I couldn't. Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow would not shut her mouth. She blabbed on and on about how I was rude, how great the merrymaking was, and how I ought to come to the council the next day. After half an hour, I tuned her out and finally fell asleep. How long she continued to talk before she noticed that I was no longer listening cannot be guessed. I wasn't really there to listen, and no one else has ever told me.

I am an idiot. There, it has been said. I should have remembered how manipulative and evil MEKESSG was. But let's go on with the tale.

The next morning, I got up, stole MEKESSG's hairbrush, and tried to get rid of the tangles in my hair. It took me over ten minutes, and Ialmost cried. My head is very tender, and my hair was extremely tangled. When I had finished, I put the blue dress on. It fit me well enough. Someone had taken my school clothes and shoes away, leaving in their place a pair of shoes – they were slipper-like things – and a leather belt with a pouch and dagger. I slid the knife out of its sheath and let my eyes exalt in the fine blade and handle. I girt the belt about my waist and slipped on the shoes. I left my hair as it was, brushed but not braided. Well did I know the problems that messing with my hair could cause.

I picked up my – Arwen's really – flute and began to play a chromatic scale, going from the low F to the one two octaves above it. After some thought, I had judged that it wasn't best to try any of my "squawky" notes that early in the morning. They might wake up somebody I didn't want to disturb. Some of my urges would not be denied, however. I crept over to MEKESSG's bed, got really close her ear, and played a screaming High G. She actually jumped two feet into the air.

"You!" she yelled, fury brimming in those emerald eyes.

I believe fully in the statement, "fear is the greater part of valor." Well, my fear was telling me something very clearly: "RUN!" Unwisely, she had left her window open. I rushed to it, hiked up my skirt, and climbed out. The window was about four feet off the ground, so I had to jump.

"Oof." I hit the ground and took off running. When I glanced over my shoulder, she was glaring at me out the window. MEKESSG drew a hand across her throat one time. I knew her meaning well. I was dead. Fear of what she might do filled my heart. I sped up and headed for what seemed like a stable. I had a few things to complain about, and horses are very good for that kind of thing. It was too bad I couldn't go change into my jeans. I had a feeling this dress was going to get dirty.

So there I was about two hours later, brushing Bill and gabbing like crazy, when Elrohir found me. She had sent him, of course, and I was not happy with the events that occurred.

"Miss Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow desires for you to come to the council."

"Well," I said, very annoyed. After all, I had been having a good time for once, "you may tell Miss Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow that I am disinclined to acquiest her request. Means 'No'."

"She said you'd say that." Did he know he was paraphrasing PotC? I hoped not. "She also said that she refuses to take 'no' for an answer."

Ugh. I won't recall the rest of our conversation, just that I was frog-marched from the stable by an elf with a hoof print on his face. I love Bill.

That was how I got stuck at the Council of Elrond. Some of the information was new, but other bits I'd read, listened to, and watched before. Since that was the case, my behavior ranged from listening intently to plotting MEKESSG's death to watching Gandalf pick his nose when he thought no one was looking. Ancient wizard boogers are just gross, and if Gandalf's were the least yucky of the type, I didn't want to think on it any more.

Every once in a while, MEKESSG spoke. According to her, she was a half-elf half-Maia sent by the Valar to save Middle-earth. It was a load of hooey, but everybody but me seemed to lap it up. She had a lot of comments, too, few of which were helpful. I kept my mouth shut and for good reasons. I never knew what might come out of it.

Coming back to reality after fazing out due to reliving a band concert, I noticed an elf dressed in brown and green was speaking. Brown and green. Brown and green. Brown and green. The words reminded me of something. Something I ought to remember. Brown and green. Ah. It was Legolas. He wasn't too bad looking, with golden hair and green eyes. Uh oh. Green. MEKESSG had green eyes. She was definitely going to see this as a small victory in her pursuit of making a conquest. Then she would be even more unbearable.

After gazing at Legolas fro a bit longer, I started squirming in my chair. Patience is not one of my strong suits. My

About then, I noticed that everyone was staring at me.mind slid over the day's events so far, and I remembered something I'd forgotten.

"Holy mackerel!" I yelled, clapping hand to my forehead in exasperation at my absent-mindedness. "I left my flute at the stable!"

"Sorry, I'll be quiet."

My face flamed. Legolas went on speaking. I spent quite a bit of time daydreaming. The thing that roused me was a voice.

It yelled, "I will take the Ring to Mordor, and my servant will go with me!"

It was MEKESSG. The servant could be none other than me.

My mouth dropped open of its own accord, and I felt only numbing amazement. She had gone beyond all boundaries. My eyes narrowed. It was time for total, unadulterated war. In the meantime, I could not let her audacity and presumptiveness go unanswered.

Jumping to my feet, I let out all my rage.

"Excuse you, priss. Who said you cold tell me what to do?" I drew my dagger. "En guarde!"

She looked at me as if I was crazy, but drew her sword. A sword came hurtling down towards me. I let it hit the floor, then picked it up. Frodo had some nerve, tossing me Glamdring. Gandalf frowned at the hobbit. I must admit that I found it all very funny.

Whack! Clang! Our blades collided. Her eyes gleamed with malice. I was in trouble. After about five minutes of letting us bruise and cut each other, two dwarves intervened. The elder pulled MEKESSG back, and the younger pulled me back. Smiling ruefully, I gave Glamdring to its owner.

"I think," said Elrond gently, "that perhaps Frodo should take the ring."

"Not without me!" yelled Sam, coming up.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to be alone to think.

"Candorien!" someone yelled. "Wait!"

I didn't stop. My feet were flying, taking me far from the council, far from MEKESSG. Back to the horses. I had even more need to talk to Bill.

* * *

**Reviews now, please! For meeeeeeeeeee !**


	6. Secret Helper

**Ames – Well, she wasn't exactly trying to wake up all of Rivendell. Just ruin Little Miss Perfect's dreams, savvy? I'm sure you do.**

**Emily – You've probably heard it from me before. I am so fond of reading it to you over the phone. Thanks for reading and reviewing it anyways.**

**HazleSilver – Does Bri happen by any chance to be male?**

**Catalainya – Funny? Well, perhaps.**

**Phantom's Jedi Band Girl – But that would be boring. :pouts:. And we just can't have that.**

**Nelarun – I have a reader in Australia:does double take: COOL! Thank ye for the suggestion. I took it into consideration and have slightly changed this chapter because of that idea. You rock!**

**Slayer3 – I can't kill her. That would be boring.**

**Disclaimer: I, as always, own nothing. I just take other people's ideas and mash them together for pleasure. **

* * *

That afternoon, I took another bath. Somebody had put a russet-red-brown dress by my bed, and I put it on. I had a feeling that I was not off the hook when it came to the music. I skipped dinner and practiced my flute. The songs I wanted to play weren't perfect, but it was better than it'd been the night before. 

After the feast, MEKESSG entered with a maid. She dressed MEKESSG, did her hair, and put on her makeup. As she left, the maid smiled at me and handed me a tiny pouch, like a jewelry box you got from James Avery. I made sure **SHE **couldn't see me, then opened the pouch carefully.

"Oh." The soft sound escaped my lips.

"What? You know, Candorien – if that's really your name – you shouldn't have messed up my moment today."

I ignored her and instead stared at the pouch's contents. A golden necklace with a horse charm on it lay there along with a folded piece of paper. I carefully slid the paper out and opened it.

_My dear girl,_

_You certainly seem to have a love for horses. Next time, let's not have a hoof print end up on Elrohir's face, eh? It does not do to make enemies out of those who could be your friends, Candorien. It would be best if you checked your temper in the future. Good luck at the merrymaking tonight._

_A friend._

Oh great! Now I had a mysterious benefactor who probably wasn't about to reveal his/her name. Trying not to alert MEKESSG to what I was doing, I pulled the necklace out of my bag. It was even lovelier up close. The horse had tiny sapphires for eyes. It was perfectly life-like. Quietly, I clasped the necklace around my neck and tucked it into my bodice. She couldn't see it now and demand that I hand it over.

After I turned back to her, realization of the true circumstances dawned on me. She would not take my necklace unless she was even greedier than I thought. Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow was wearing a purple velvet dress with gold trimmings, a gold circlet, and an armful of gold bangles. Everyone knows, or should know, that purple symbolizes royalty. The gold wouldn't hurt her aspirations either. It seemed out of whack in Rivendell, though. Too much gold on one girl. I think Rivendell was more of a silver place, anyway.

"So, are you ready to go to the Hall of Fire?" she asked condescendingly and with a sneer.

"Hang on a sec. I've got one more thing to do." Like the crazy teenage girl I was, I reached over, messed up her hair, grabbed my flute, and fled out the door.

"Get back here!" MEKESSG yelled.

"No!" I called back. "I'm going to the Hall of Fire!" Granted, I didn't even know where the Hall was, but she didn't need to know that.

Some tall, blond elf-lord – Glorfindel, I think – found me and gave me directions. Sometimes the thought of guardian angels isn't so fantastic. I believe I had one that night. Either that, or one of my ancestors is annoying Mandos enough to make him be nice to me. The second idea has made me laugh many a cold, gray time.

I finally reached the hall and found a solitary seat in the shadows. Soon, the merrymaking began. The songs and poetry set me at my ease. It is my belief that a musician can always be at home with other musicians. Perhaps this is so, perhaps not. Before long, MEKESSG and I were called upon to perform.

"I'll go first," she announced and left her chair by Legolas and Glorfindel. She flounced up to the middle of the hall and began to sing "My Heart Will Go On" from The Titanic.

It was awful. 1)She didn't know the lyrics. 2) She couldn't make the high notes. 3) She was terribly off-key. Some inner compulsion drove me to play the flute melody along with her. I knew the music for an odd reason. Besides, after I started playing softly, Arwen and some others looked relieved. I let the flute music die away long before she finished, not wanting to be a show-off.

"That was lovely," commented Elrond. "Now, Candorien, I believe you are to play for us."

_Oh, snap. I still have to play!_

"This may not be up to your standards," I warned. "Don't expect too much of me."

I stood and moved into the middle of the room. Taking an unused chair, I sat down and began to play some of the songs from the LOTR movies. Admittedly, it was slightly ironic. I was in the middle of The Lord of the Rings, for pity's sake! Not exactly normal.

When I stopped, several of the elves shot me appraising looks. Evidently, I had surprised them. The five hobbits applauded. They were so cute! I felt like Lucy then. She so wanted to hug and pet Reepicheep, yet did not for she knew it would offend his dignity. I kind of felt the same way about Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. So small, yet so full of vibrant life. The rest of that night passed in a blur. I was afraid to leave the merrymaking, for I knew I would be bored back in my room. When I finally got to bed that night, I was exhausted.

The hobbits invited me to go exploring the next day, and I agreed. Merry and Pippin were a lot of fun. So calm and rational one minute, so crazy the next.

Hours became days, days became weeks, and the weeks rolled into months. By the third week of November, MEKESSG had ensnared Glorfindel, Lindir, Erestor, and the twins. For a short, blissful while, I thought Legolas was safe from her charms. Sadly, I was wrong. I found him in the garden one day, crying his eyes out because he'd seen Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow kissing Glorfindel. I'd seen it, too – they were right outside my door for Eru's sake! – and personally felt it had been more making out than kissing. Of course, my personal war with MEKESSG had dictated that I end it, so the fact both were dripping wet and pools of wine were forming at their feet might have been my fault. I'm not confessing, mind. Seeing no point in expanding the poor elf's pain, I told him I was sorry and fled.

**

* * *

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed that tidbit. Sorry if my chapter's aren't so long. Emily, I apologize for being an idiot earlier and beg your forgiveness. I have some questions for you people to answer. 1) What would you most like to see if the two girls go with the Fellowship? 2) Is MEKESSG the only MS character in this story? And 3) How on earth would a centaur graze? THANKS FOR ANSWERING AND REVIEWING! **


	7. We Leave With the Fellowship! Oh Joy!

**Alasse Irena – Thanks :grins like a wolf: Moving on… **

**TheDreamChild – lalalalala!**

**Slayer 3 – But I don't want to. I like my story the way it is. Plus, one Sue's good enough.**

**Orchid's Rain – We'll see. I tingle at the thought of Moria. TINGLE!**

**Nelarun – I thanks you for loving my story.**

**Runa Quill – I don't know either, that's why I'm asking!**

**Ames – Mandos, well, he's a bit like Hades. Ask someone else or read the Silmarillion again. **

**Emily – I just want to know! Gosh!**

**HazleSilver – Are you sure Bri isn't a cheese?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Get used to it!**

* * *

One day in mid December, I entered my room to find MEKESSG there with a triumphant smile. "Candy, pack your bags – mine, too. We're going with the Fellowship to Mordor. Aren't you excited?" 

"Excuse you!" I yelled, fully ready for a fight and taking the first opportunity for one I got. "1) my name is not Candy. It's Candorien. 2) I would never pack your bags. 3) Who says we're going with the Fellowship anyway?"

"Elrond did,' she smirked.

I did then the only thing a girl in my situation could have done…threw a tantrum.

"ELROND!" I hollered, stomping around the room. "Get your Elvish self over here now! ELROND!"

I grabbed the flute – which I was still borrowing from Arwen – and began to trill a high F. I was really mad, and killing MEKESSG was the least impossible thing on my mind.

"Elrond! Elrond!" she mimicked. "He won't do anything. He cares too much about me."

It was true, sadly. She had the same effect on men as Dorthea from Sorcery & Cecilia by Patricia C. Wrede and Caroline Stevermer, only she was as mean as Miranda from the same book. They practically drooled at the sight of her. It was similar to my reaction every time I saw Orlando Bloom, but that happens to be another story.

One of the sons of Elrond came running in.

"Is something wrong?"

I let myself cry angry tears.

"I don't intend to go with the Fellowship, and no one can make me."

He sighed.

"Come with me."

I followed him. The elf led me to Elrond's study.

"Elladan, what…. Mae govannen, Candorien."

"Earendilion," I said, settling myself comfortably on a stool, "we have to talk."

Both father and son looked confused.

"To make things plain, I don't want to go with the Fellowship. Not even one teensy weensy little bit."

"But the lady Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow must have a servant," Elrond protested.

"Then get her one. Duh. I will not be a servant for the likes of her, however. Such work is below me."

I drew myself up proudly, forgetting for a moment all my imperfections. I was Candorien, bold protector of the land, wising off to Elrond. I was in Rivendell, and MEKESSG was trying to bully me. For a moment, I wondered if all these people really thought that I was going to stand there and take it. If I was about to thank her for being my patron. As if! I would not allow my inalienable rights to be trampled by another teenager. This was Middle-earth, not some totalitarian governmental system. Or, it had been before Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow had taken over. I really hated her now.

"You will go," ordered Elrond.

Holy cow. She had won him over, too.

"Thanks for nothing," I spat. After glaring once more at Elrond, I turned on my heel and sped out the door. If no one was going to help me, I'd have to do it myself. It was going to be hard.

Through much persuasion – begging, really – I was able to get Arwen to find me some old tunics and leggings. I packed those, my red and blue dresses, and my clothes from my world in a bag along with a brush – Arwen's – , my remaining four pieces of gum, and a few texts that I was able to read. One was a map, and a couple were legends, and the last was a history. It's amazing how interesting history can be if you aren't stuck in a classroom with a bunch of vulgar kids hearing about the Industrial Revolution.

MEKESSG packed a ton of stuff into a tiny pouch. It was obviously magical. Of course, the pouch did weigh as much as Pippin.

_

* * *

It's supposed to be nine! Not eleven! Nine!_

_I know, I know. But this bunch of blockheads can't see past her looks into her mind. _

_Too true, too true,_ I thought to myself ruefully.

My thoughts aside, MEKESSG was the only carefree person in sight. She'd had fond – don't make me go into the particulars – goodbyes with the twins, Lindir, Erestor, and Glorfindel earlier in the day. Legolas looked so happy that she was coming with us I almost puked. She was an evil, manipulative girl, and they all loved her. I couldn't say why. Perhaps it was because she seemed so innocent, so harmless, and so adorable, whereas I was prickly, unlovely, and always wising off to someone when I was ticked off. I was so now.

"Um, guys, we probably ought to leave sometime soon. You know, end all these teary goodbyes," I pretended to sniffle, "before Sauron comes to kill us all."

They all glared at me. Elrond was telling MEKESSG how she had been a daughter to him and was always welcome. They hadn't loaded Bill yet, so I was able to pull a trick. He was the height of a pony I used to ride, and I had gone riding with MEKESSG and her beaus several times. She needed a chaperone, and they ignored me, thankfully, unless I really needed help. Once we went with the twins. One helped me gain a better technique while the other flirted with MEKESSG. By the time the Fellowship – of eleven – was ready to leave, I was a tolerable rider, I suppose. I got on Bill, used he lead rope as a rein, and kicked his ribs lightly. The pony took off at a jilting trot. I bounced on his back. My fingers were intertwined in his mane. Bill started cantering, and the others finally noticed.

"Hey, what're you doing with my Bill?" Sam hollered.

"I said it was time to leave," I yelled back.

In due course, the other ten members of the Fellowship had to run until Bill (and I) decided to slow down enough for them to catch us. By then, Rivendell was pretty far behind. They were ticked off, as they'd had to lug all their gear all the way. The four hobbits were completely out of breath. Boromir and Aragorn leaned wearily against two trees. Gandalf looked annoyed. Gimli was gasping and heaving; his armor was really heavy. Legolas looked okay, but on MEKESSG"s orders, he glared at me. She came along ten minutes later, riding. Gandalf, while apologizing to her profusely, made her send the horse back.

"I needed the run," laughed Boromir when he'd regained his breath. Aragorn and Legolas nodded. Gandalf, however, frowned at me. I was standing at attention by the pony, my only ally in said company at the moment.

"Young lady," he growled, "that was a very irresponsible thing of you to do."

"Yeah," I sighed heavily for effect, "and I'm sorry. It got us away, though, didn't it?"

"Hmmm," the wizard snorted. "I wonder about you."

To tell the truth, so did I

* * *

**Author's note: I have decided to have a silent auction over who gets to kill MEKESSG. If you would like the priviledge of doing so, please send me a review with however many dollars (or other currency) you would be willing to pay to kill MEKESSG. Shadow readers - those who do not review - I say REVIEW! Otherwise, your opinions and bids shall not be noted! You have been warned !**

**Authoressinhiding**


	8. Freezing One's Tail Off

**Ames – Yes, I do remember that story. I'll keep it in mind.**

**Emily – He can, and I think he just did.**

**HunterofDarkness – Milady? I didn't know I was a lady yet. YAY!**

**HazleSilver – But you said you were going to! I'm so confused.**

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl – I cannot do that, I'm afraid. It'd ruin my plotline.**

**Rachor – Your arm was the first that I shall twist. Many others shall be hurt if I don't get 100 reviews by ch. 10**

**Nelarun – I know. This is story is how she feels and her emotion.**

**Amareth's Shadow – Wow. High bid. **

**Slayer 3 – Very high bid. I am amazed.**

**Alasse Irena – I'm not going to have my Boromir kill her! That would ruin him. Besides, she has to make it at least to Rohan.**

**Dorcas Meadowes – I hear you. Believe me, caution is definitely being used here. It's nice to have some advice. Unfortunately, everyone has some, and my story's already way far ahead of what you see here.**

**Mis. Mira – That may be the highest bid yet.**

**Qwen – Just wondering, but who is Thunder?**

**Hirosai Kagami – Fine, fine. I am just a crazy writer. The MS isn't worthy of any love in my opinion.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If something sounds incredibly like Tolkien, chances are it is.**

* * *

MEKESSG was so obsessed with Legolas that I was able to hang out with some other handsome people and not be shunned. Boromir and Aragorn for example. They taught me a bit about swordplay whenever the company needed amusement. 

It was like, "Who wants to see Candorien swordfight?" Everybody would laugh and say, "Sure," and so I would have to fight Aragorn or Boromir or Gimli. Most of the time I was humiliated in ten minutes, but halfway to Caradhras, I beat Boromir! It was a fluke, actually, and required no skill of me, but I beat him. To tell the truth, he stepped back into a hole, tripped, and fell over, allowing me to place my sword underneath his chin. It had been sent from my benefactor. I still didn't know who that was, and it was becoming infuriating.

Caradhras was terrible. The snow was so high, and it was so freezing. Even though the books talk about it, I had no idea of how cold it was going to be. The hobbits nearly died, and MEKESSG wore the two men's and Legolas's cloaks over her own. Everything was like the books, except I huddled near Bill, trying not to sleep. If one fell asleep in such deadly cold, they were likely never to wake again.

Eventually, we had to burn the wood we'd brought. It was either that or die. When morning came and the snow abated, the company decided to leave. Caradhras obviously did not like us. MEKESSG tried to go on, but a bunch of snow fell and buried her. Everyone else struggled to uncover her, but I was too busy making myself a chair from the snow. It was cold work, but once I had finished, I had a good spot to survey the landscape from. It was beautiful, all white and covered in snow. We were incredibly high up, almost as high as if the eleven of us – twelve counting Bill – were in an airplane. Remembering the pressure, I dug in my pack and found my four remaining pieces of gum.

_Time to change it into three, _I thought and popped one into my mouth. _Besides, it'll help with the change in altitude as we go down._

I watched with amusement as the hobbits brushed the snow off of Miss Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow. She spluttered with rage when she saw me sitting there, calm as a summer's morning and not stirring a finger to help her.

"Are we ready to go down now?" I asked sweetly.

"Yes. If Gandalf were to burn the snow and go before us, he might make a path for us," commented Legolas.

"If elves could run over snow, they might fetch the Sun to save us," Gandalf retorted. "As it is, I must have something to work on. I cannot burn snow."

"Then, when minds are at a loss, bodies must serve," said Boromir. "Come, Aragorn."

I entertained the notion of going with them and taking Bill but dismissed it quickly. Bill was cold and tired. His head drooped, and if no one picked his hooves soon, I was afraid he'd develop thrush.

They went off and started pushing through the snow, working their way towards a huge drift almost out of sight. Legolas watched them for a while, a laughing smile on his face. MEKESSG was trying to get him to kiss her. It was sick. She was at most, seventeen, perhaps, though she struck me more as being fifteenish. Legolas had to be 500 at least. I was going to have to ask for his age one of these days. But every time I tried to, I kept thinking about how it was rude to ask an older person what their age was. So I'd always end up saying, "Legolas, um, um, how many days have we been out from Rivendell?"

He would tell me then, and I'm afraid to say that he began to think I was unable to count.

I kept a tally in my head of exactly how many days we'd been out. How many times I'd sat on guard with Aragorn or Boromir and pestered them for tales of lore. How many times I, like the hobbits, had yearned to stop and eat or just to rest. How many times I'd had to put up with MEKESSG's whining. I remembered it all.

Legolas said his line about choosing an otter for swimming and for running over grass and snow, an elf. So he shot away, like a runner over firm sand. In the process, he knocked MEKESSG to the ground.

I caught Pippin's eye, and we both burst into giggles. I fell off my snow seat, and shook convulsively. MEKESSG got up and glared at me. That only set the two of us laughing again. Merry started laughing at our faces, and soon Frodo and Sam were, too.

When Legolas returned, he found a disgruntled Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow staring at five snow-covered figures rolling on the ground. Frodo and Sam got to their feet and looked embarrassed. Gimli chuckled softly. Merry, Pippin, and I sat up and exchanged glances. "Perhaps we ought to behave" was the message they carried.

Then my randomness took over.

"Moo!" I yelled and fell over laughing again. I was totally ignoring the cold in the fun of laughter. Merry and Pippin looked confused.

"Moo?" they asked.

"Yes. Moo," I replied. "It's one of my expressions. It maketh me laugh."

Everyone stared at me for a minute, then Legolas told Gandalf about the snow. It was so beautiful, but I seemed to be the only person appreciating it.

Aragorn and Boromir returned about two hours later. They picked up Merry and Pippin and gave them rides out. Legolas walked with them. After a few minutes of inner conflict, I decided to give Sam a piggyback ride. He was heavier than Frodo, and the high altitude was working on MEKESSG. If she fainted, I'd rather not have Sam get squished. Or anyone else, for that matter. If she carried the lighter hobbit, the chances of her collapsing on top of him were lessened.

"Uh," I moaned. "Samwise Gamgee, lose some weight."

"Hey!" he called, insulted. "Who now! What are you doing?"

I tossed my head and short hair back and whinnied like a horse and then slid off down the path after Boromir and Aragorn.

"Whoa!" Sam yelled. "Slow down!"

I barely heard him, just charged down the slope towards the drift. When I had almost reach it, Boromir and Aragorn came back. I didn't see them and slammed into Boromir. Aragorn caught Sam as he fell through the air after having gone flying. I staggered around for about thirty seconds before falling down on my bum.

"Candorien, are you alright?" Aragorn pulled me up. Boromir was rubbing his shoulder.

"Ouch. That hurt, girl."

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I guess I've got to learn to watch where I'm going."

The men nodded. MEKESSG came into view a while later, puffing while carrying Frodo.

"Ow! You're pinching me!" moaned the hobbit.

Gandalf followed her, leading Bill with Gimli perched among the baggage.

"Had a fall?" sneered MEKESSG as Frodo clambered down from off her with obvious relief.

"Yes," I replied calmly, then popped my gum extremely loudly one time. Just one. She did not appreciate it.

"Oooh!" she screamed. "I'll get you, my…"

I dodged aside and drew my flute out of its case. It was like a quiver, and I slung it over my back. The case was leather and quite waterproof, so as long as I was careful, the flute would be safe.

"Don't make me," I warned, holding the flute to my lips. "By the Valar, I swear I will."

**

* * *

Author's Note: You like? If so, tell me and review. I have lists of you suspected shadow readers. I will hunt you down. I'm not afraid of hurting you ion the pursuit of reviews. **

**As to the results of the auction, I can't decide who won. We're doing it again, only this time you have to vote in American dollars. That's my currency, and I ask you to use it. No gems or gold or Canadian money. American dollars. THANKS!**


	9. Our Bargain

**Emily – Yes, she is. But even meaner to me. I have to put up with her, and she and Candorien keep fighting.**

**Merina – Ah, can't do that with Caradhras. Maybe Mindoluin.**

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl – only $20? I think you've been outbid.**

**Hippie Jade – I am, I am. :grumbles about being forced to update against her will:**

**Alasse Irena - $10,000? Ok, that's a high bid. **

**Mis. Mira – Um, no, I don't know that. But just give me a sum in $. Any number will suffice.**

**Nelarun – It wasn't all that mean. She wanted the practice – and needed it. But yes, it was a tad mean, in hindsight.**

**Amareth's Shadow – Too bad. It would ruin my plot.**

**Slayer3 – I think you've won. Wow. That was a high bid.**

**Qwen - :huggles Cajeta: Oh, aye. Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy ze ride.**

**Ames – I thought it would.**

**Liv - Moo ees my word. And Ames's. **

**The Painted Lady – The Mines will extremely interesting. :grins like a crazy girl:**

**Sunsetfrog123 – You can stop with the insane laughter now. That's my job.**

**Arialas – I do indeed. Not quite death by flutes, but eardrum-piercing by flutes, that's my specialty.**

**Orchid's Rain – Ah. Mine is Maglor. And my piccolo's E.P.O.D. Stands for Evil Piccolo Of Doom, don't ye know.**

**Disclaimer: I OWN EVERYTHING!**

**Candorien: No, you don't.**

**Boromir: I have to agree with her, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.**

**Authoress: Alright, then.**

**New Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Candorien and Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow. Ugh. I hate that name!**

* * *

Strong arms gripped my shoulders and forced me around. They pushed me forward along the path. Everyone else followed the person pushing me. 

"Will you let –oh." I craned my neck back and stared at dark hair. "Aragorn."

The Ranger released my shoulders, but he did not stop walking right behind me. It was scary.

"Why are you doing that?" I hissed out of the corner of my mouth.

The ranger made no response, so I exasperatedly repeated the question.

"It is not best for you and Miss Greenhow to kill each other."

"I was just going to play a few notes on the flute," I told him, putting said instrument into its case.

"So it would have begun," sighed Aragorn. "Look, Candorien, I need you to do something for me."

I relaxed. A plot. I could do those. Taping people to chairs, pouring shampoo on a shower floor to make it slippery, hiding people's journals, that stuff I could do.

"Yes, Dunadan?"

"Keep your temper in check."

Ouch. I winced. "But I …"

"You two cannot fight to the death if one refuses to fight at all. Please, Candorien, promise me this."

Sighing, I gave in and agreed, "All right. I will do what you request of me."

Aragorn looked relieved.

"Good. I know you have the inner strength to do it."

I chuckled softly, "It's not going to require inner strength. It will require self-control and an outlet for my pent-up feelings."

The Ranger allowed a smile to grace his grim features.

"You may do so each time we are both on guard."

"Thanks," I sighed. "Now, I believe I can do it. May I go now? It looks like Bill needs saving from the soothing ministrations of our dear Mary Elizabeth."

Strider snorted quietly. "Go ahead."I turned around and scampered back to the pony.

"I'll take his lead," I told MEKESSG shortly.

"But, but, but," she stuttered.

"I'll take it so you have an excuse to go bother Legolas."

She glared at me but handed the lead rope over and stalked off towards the elf.

I stopped Bill and pulled a hoof pick out of one of the bags he carried. Sure enough, his hooves stank.

"Tut tut," I clucked and scraped out his hooves.

"Candorien, what are you doing?"

I looked up from the pony's right hind foot. After letting it drop, I straightened up and turned 'round. The rest of the Fellowship was waiting for me. Gandalf was the one who had spoken.

"Checking his hooves for thrush," I answered, feeling a rosy blush creep over my cheeks.

Sam looked embarrassed. Bill was, after all, his pony.

"Yes, well," the wizard sniffed, "do not detain us again, if you will. We are still high up and have a long way to go before we camp. Come on now."

They started moving. "Cheer up, Sam," I whispered to the hobbit. "It's not your fault. Besides, I'm just obsessive compulsive about stuff like this.

Sam's face brightened. "Oh. That's all right, then."

"Yes," I smiled, "it is."

The Fellowship had a big debate that night about where to go. Since I already knew perfectly well what they would decide, I didn't bother with them. Instead, I sat by the fire and imagined images in its flames. Centaurs dancing with fawns and naiads. Dragons soaring high in the atmosphere, then plunging down with lightning fast speed to pick up a cow in their talons or to fight with one another.

"How the wind howls!" someone exclaimed. I think it was Frodo.

Breaking out of my reverie, I looked around. The wind was howling. But it was more than that, I feared. Well did I know the next line from Fellowship. The thought of what someone was about to say filled me with dread. I sat by the fire, taut as a bowstring. When the long-awaited words came, it was almost a relief to end my tense waiting. Legolas put an arrow to his bow, and Aragorn, Boromir, and the hobbits drew their swords. Gimli had his stout axe. MEKESSG hesitated a moment and then drew her own fine Elvish rapier. For what felt like an eternity, I couldn't decide from among the flute, the sword, and the dagger. I at last determined to go with all three. I pulled the flute out of its case and tucked it into my belt. I clenched the dagger blade in my teeth and held the sword in my right hand.

Pop! The green bubble of gum burst on my dagger.

_Snap! It's almost flavorless,_ I thought.

And then the wargs attacked. Just as in my nightmares, they were huge, shaggy wolves. Legolas shot several. The sword of Aragorn son of Arathorn dispatched a few more. Suddenly, I noticed a shadow darker than the surrounding night behind Boromir.

"Duck!" I yelled to him and without thinking threw my knife at the shadow. It howled once, then stopped moving and was quiet.

"You have good aim, young Candorien," called Aragorn. He'd seen.

Realization of what I had done struck me. I had killed a warg. I had killed something more than an insect. I had killed a wolf. A mammal_. Canis Lupis_. A dog. I lurched forward, sick to my stomach. Boromir had the sense to move out of the way before I vomited on the ground.

"I just killed," I whimpered softly after straightening up. "I just killed a wolf."

The others were looking at me strangely. The assault had ended after I'd dispatched the one, and all was quiet. Apparently, the company didn't understand the nausea, shock, and shame killing another creature had given me.

I stumbled over to the other side of the now dying fire.

"I jus killed another creature." Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my slightly grimy face. "I just killed a lupine!" I yelled to the sky.

"Candorien, stop it," commanded MEKESSG. "You're being dramatic."

I looked deep into her emerald eyes and saw no pity there, no emotion save greed and lust. She did not care for wildness. Oh no, she thought of the wargs only as enemies. I knew that wargs were evil, yet not all wolves were so. Most would leave you alone, unless they're starving or you harry them. Wargs did not care who they killed. They were evil brutes who thought only of their stomachs and of killing.

"You did what you had to do," commented Legolas. He was a wood elf and probably had the most sympathy for me.

Boromir sighed, "Although you may regret killing the creature, lady, I thank you most humbly for saving my life by doing so." He executed a low, sweeping bow.

I managed a weak smile. "Then I am glad I did so."

He was nothing like the movie version. One, his hair was dark, like Aragorn's. Two, he was a lot handsomer than Sean Bean. Three, he had this smile. He was really energetic and a natural leader. Boromir had no haunted aura about him. My guess was the Ring hadn't quite taken control. Or he didn't know he desired it yet.

_Stop it, Candorien! You are not going to fall in love with Boromir! _I told myself angrily.

But it was too late. I was getting a big crush on Mr. Captain of Gondor. I only hoped he didn't know.

**

* * *

Author's Note: Well, I hoped you like it. So far, the winner of my auction is Slayer3 with "all the money that Bill Gates is worth". If you want to win, you'll have to bid higher. Oh, and if any of you happen to see Zavier Starwood, tell her to get her patookas over here and review. **


	10. Attempted Homicide

**Orchid's Rain – and yet it is right. MY PICCOLO! You can't have him:waves E.P.O.D. around: MINE!**

**Amareth's Shadow – I don't think so. For one, I'm not sure what you mean. Infinity and beyond, that's an imaginary number. I don't accept bids like that.**

**Cookies-R-Yummy – Love the name. Just love it. Well, yes, she is thirteen, but it's just a crush. One silly little schoolgirl crush. He doesn't like her back.**

**Slayer3 – Drop the actor-who-plays-Haldir before I hurt you. And you were outbid.**

**Liv – Just because you picked on him doesn't mean I have to. Besides, I needed someone. Aragorn and Legolas were taken, the hobbits were too small, and I didn't want to use Gimli for obvious reasons.**

**Tera Earth – I think you won…so far. Not sure though. And if I told you who the mysterious benefactor was, I'd be revealing a secret…and I don't like to do that.**

**Nelarun – I wish….we'll see. Perhaps.**

**Emily – One, I am not Candorien. Two, yes, she likes BOROMIR. Please behave.**

**Kay – I do love tormenting people…and I'm always weird. Does that answer your question?**

**Ames – I'm updating. I don't know if you won…**

**Arialas – I'm updating…sheesh.**

**Hippie Jade – I know that tactic. I've used it before many a time.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Tolkien owns all.**

**Author's Note: I would like to reply to a person who left anonymous reviews. However, they didn't leave a name or anything, so I can't answer them above. I would like to say thanks for the information about the Hall of Fire – I didn't know – and that, well, if you ended up in Middle-earth, you'd know, wouldn't you? Well, thanks!**

* * *

Gandalf looked at me askance. I was beginning to think he disliked me. I had no idea why. 

We all remained awake the entire night. In the morning, Legolas found his arrows and my dagger lying around the camp. There were no warg bodies, however, and that scared us all. No more complaints about going to Moria were voiced. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, we were off to the Black Pit.

We'd been walking quickly for a few hours when the spontaneous urge to burst into song overwhelmed al my reasonable thought.

"Fifteen birds in five fir trees. Their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze. But funny little birds, they had no wings. Oh, what shall we do with the funny little things?"

It was one of the songs from the Hobbit. After I finished, Frodo sent me a funny look.

"What?" I asked, skipping along while leading Bill.

"That's the song the goblins sang when Bilbo, Gandalf, and the dwarves were stuck in the glade."

"I know," I winked. "Out of the frying pan, into the fire."

The hobbit just looked confused. Poor little guy. He couldn't quite understand me. He probably wasn't the only one.

The lake before the gate was ugly, all muddy and sunken. It filled me with a deep, uncomfortable sense of foreboding.

Gandalf went up to the doors and spoke his piece. I should have let him go through all his guessing and shouting , but that lake was really, really freaking me out. It was so creepy! Boromir threw a rock into it, and the lake began to ripple. Bill was being unpacked by Sam and Aragorn.

"MELLON!" I yelled, and the doors swung open. MEKESSG and Legolas stopped kissing and stared at me.

"Come on, people! Let's get a move on!" I dreaded Moria, but it couldn't be worse than the lake. Nothing, in my opinion, could, save Sauron and the Black Tower.

They hurried inside, and for a moment, I thought we had made it. Then Frodo fell and was dragged backwards.

"Aragorn! Boromir!" I shrieked. "Save Frodo!"

Without a second though, I dashed back to help the hobbit, drawing my sword clumsily as I ran.

_It can't be that hard to chop down the Watcher's limbs, _I thought. _It'll be like cutting tree roots._

Wham! My sword thudded into a tentacle, slicing it in two. Beside me, Aragorn and Boromir were doing the same thing. MEKESSG was shouting incantations and spells along with Gandalf. The tentacles let go of Frodo. Aragorn picked him up, and we raced back inside the gates.

The Watcher was not happy with that. He came after us and collapsed the gates. We were shut in. I heard a terrified neigh and the sound of hooves outside. Bill was leaving. Poor thing! For a minute, I forgot that he would come out ok. I feared for him.

"You are brave, Candorien. But clean your blade," advised Boromir.

"I'm not brave," I protested. "I was terrified. I don't know how I was able to do that."

Aragorn smiled and clapped me on the shoulder.

"That's what true bravery is, youngling. Being able to face your fear."

I snorted. "Sure. And my mother was a halfling."

"Your mother was a halfling?" asked Pippin in interest.

I clapped my hand to forehead.

"It's called sarcasm, Pippin. I was expressing disbelief in what Strider said."

"Oh."

"Ehem,' said Gandalf. "We must now face the long dark of Moria."

"I'm sorry," I grinned innocently. "Did you say something?"

* * *

As long as I live, I will never be able to shake the feeling of Moria. That place was so dark, so stuffy, so claustrophobia-inducing. For weeks after, that five-letter-word could make me start whimpering and crying. It was a horrible experience. 

The ground often had cracks, and the light coming from Gandalf's staff wasn't much of a help. We all stumbled countless times. Every so often, there would be a wide crack we'd have to jump across. One was over seven feet – as long as a xylophone if not longer. The others were all able to jump across, but I couldn't. I just could not force myself to jump.

"Candorien, come on. We must get across," called Gandalf irritably from the other side of the chasm.

"I can't jump," I moaned.

"Yes, Candorien, you can," encouraged Aragorn.

"Come on, Candy," smirked Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow. "You're holding us up." She'd had no problems jumping across.

At that moment, something in me broke. I forgot restraint, forgot my fear. I backed up several feet and took off running, surrendering my self-control to my rage. My foot pushed off the edge of the chasm, and, for a few seconds, I flew! Well, at any rate, it felt like flying. I almost didn't make it. My knee hit the edge of the chasm, but Boromir grabbed my hands and pulled me up before I fell. Without pausing to thank him, I threw caution to the winds and ran at MEKESSG. Murder was the most powerful desire in my body. As before, Aragorn grabbed my shoulders and stopped me.

"Candorien," he muttered, "remember our agreement."

I growled softly and trod on his foot. It didn't work. Rangers' boots are just too thick for a little bit of force to go through.

"Come one, then," called Gandalf. "We have far to go yet."

I frowned. Was no one going to congratulate me?

"You made it," Pippin commented. "Took you longer than me."

"Yeah," I sighed resignedly as we set off into the darkness again, "but you're older. I've had a shorter life. Perhaps I'm less willing to risk it."

From behind us, I heard a low chuckle. Aragorn was no doubt enjoying our conversation.

"Or," countered the hobbit with a grin, "you aren't as talented at jumping as the rest of us."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Perhaps, Pip. Perhaps."

That night was spent in an old guard room after Pippin had thrown his rock into the well. The wizard gave him first watch as punishment. Everyone else slept in the dark room. For what seemed like ages, I lay awake and thought about Moria. Everything I'd experienced so far and all that I could remember from the books and movies flashed through my mind. Frodo was no doubt hearing Gollum, the darkness had to be frightening most of the others, and we would probably encounter the chamber of Mazarbul in two days. That meant fighting, fire, and Gandalf dying. He didn't quite like me, and I felt no real affection for him, but I did not wish the wizard dead. He was useful at times, and MEKESSG obeyed him. That in and of itself was odd.

_Oh well, _I comforted myself, _he comes back to life in a few days after killing the Balrog. Uhoh! _It hit me. I was in for it. We were going to face the Balrog.

* * *

**Author's Note: As always, I ask each and every one of you peoples to review. Currently the top bidder in the auction for killing MEKESSG is Tera Earth with "all the money ever made by the US government". I have some questions for you. 1) How many of you people reading this are in band? 2) Of those people, how many of you play flute? 3) Will you please :gets down on knees and begs: review some of my other stuff? I'm getting tons of reviews on this story, and that's great, but I want more! I know, I'm a greedy author who trolls for reviews. PLEASE! Thank ye.**


	11. Cowardly Behavior

**Ames – I can't do this anymore! So many high bids…;; no fair. The Balrog is coming in the next chappy…I think….not sure.**

**Arialas – I have just one question for you. How would you hang her if you'd just cut up her body? Would you hang all the little pieces? Interesting imagery there.**

**Kay – Thanks for appreciating my work…It makes a girl feel good. I'm still insanely jealous, though.**

**Liv – And, once again, it's not money you have, it's money you would pay….never mind. You won't get it anyways.**

**Tera Earth – I am in band and LOVE it. Total band nerd right here, yeah.**

**Mis. Mira – I don't know about saving Boromir…all you people want me to…and I just don't know….perhaps.**

**Aniviel – Apart from the fact he gave me a tongue-lashing and made me write a mournful poem yesterday, we're doing just fine….if only he'd stop going to Tortuga.**

**Crecy – Yay! You're back. You might want to check up on Merry. She's been getting into all sorts of trouble in your absence.**

**Nelarun – Whoa. That's more instruments than I play. Right now, I can play flute, piccolo, saxophone, piano, any type of bells – xylophone, marimba, etc – and…that's it. I'm thinking about picking up trombone over the summer. My dad's old one's in my room. I'm updating, mate, I'm updating.**

**Hippie Jade – What other hobbies? Oh, drat. Now you've aroused my incorrigible curiosity. SAVE ME!**

**Slayer 3 – Can I have your violin? 'Cause I want to learn how to play it.**

**Phantom'sJediBandieGirl - Thanks for complimenting my Pippin. He acts like I do sometimes. I'm smart but have a very bad memory.**

**Cookies-R-Yummy – I was just wondering.**

**Ken the Wandering Soul – I have a male reader! AT LAST! Sorry…it's just that, well, most of the readers and writers on are girls…and it's odd to meet a guy on here. Thank you for the compliments. :preens: What? I have a right to be pleased once in a while, Legolas. Leave me alone.**

**Rhi-Nonny – She will die, eventually…but that might take a while.**

**Rayn…the insane – To the Pain? Oh, I know that very well. Check out my fanfic "The Further Adventures of Merry L. Wood". It's in there somewhere. Next to last chapter or something. I have a really good idea of what to do at the end of the story…just wait.**

**Lady Dragon2 – Thank you so much for the compliments. I enjoy them.**

**Hazelelf1183 – Ah. The flute in the ear. Await it. **

**Alasse Irena - I have no idea…..look at the review page. I'm too busy to.**

**TheDreamChild – That's a possibility. Perhaps.**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Nothing! Save Candorien and the Sue. :winces: I hate Sues.**

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Zavier Starwood for a reason listed below.**

* * *

When we all woke, it was time for another long trudge. I was absent-minded the whole day. My feet moved and I spoke, but my mind was far away, imagining how someone with my very limited skill could kill an orc. If one jabbed there, could one block a quick counter-strike? I also spent a great deal of time pondering high notes on flutes, their fingerings, and their effect on different creatures' eardrums. 

"Candorien?"

"High G one-two-three-right pinky. What?" I asked, coming out of my reverie.

"Sit," Boromir told me with a smile. "We're resting and eating something now."

"Oh," I looked embarrassed, "all right."

"Candorien, are you okay?" Frodo asked worriedly.

Aw. He was so cute. Even though he had the Ring to worry about, "Mr. Underhill" still cared about my sanity.

"I'm fine," I replied airily. "Just fine – oof!"

While taking a step backwards, I tripped and fell, landing hard on my patookas.

Gimli and Aragorn, who had been watching, burst out laughing along with the hobbits and Boromir.

"Just fine, eh?" asked Legolas who had seen the whole encounter.

"Candy," MEKESSG squealed, "are you okay?"

She sounded worried, but I saw a gleam of pleasure in her eye. Of course she had enjoyed my discomfort and embarrassment.

"Fine," I muttered, getting to my feet and brushing off my pants. "Thanks for caring.' My tone was sickly sweet and sounded sincere, but my eyes showed no gratitude. They were hard and cold as granite.

Gandalf frowned at me.

"Fool of a girl," he scoffed. "You can't even take a step without falling over."

"I know," I said sarcastically. "Isn't it wonderful?"

He smiled and shook his head. "You are shameless, young Candorien. Shameless and incorrigible. I predict you'll go far."

"Thank you." I executed a slow, sweeping bow. "Your encouraging words mean so much to me." I wiped away pretend tears from my eyes.

"You're welcome," said the wizard.

I exchanged looks of horror and amusement with Merry and Pippin.

_Hasn't Gandalf experienced sarcasm before? _I thought. _Perhaps not._

times and not rThat night was spent cheerlessly in some hall or other. I'd read the book several times and not remembered its name, so I didn't see the point of memorizing it then. My heart was quaking the next morning. I would be seeing a demon of the ancient would, and I wasn't entirely prepared for it. Then again, I didn't know if anyone could be prepared for it.

"Candorien, why the doom and gloom?" Merry asked me while we ate a short breakfast.

I swallowed and, for an infinitesimally small nano-second, considered telling him what was going to happen.

_No, _I chided myself, _you must let what is to happen happen. Just don't get killed in the process._

When we were finally ready to leave the hall, Gandalf saw a light and wanted to go investigate.

_Bad idea! Bad idea!_

Of course, none of them heard my thoughts. There was Balin's tomb, written on in runes. In the wall, I glimpsed several old chests and the ruined book that lay in one of them.

_Don't look! Don't look! _I cried silently.

As luck would have it, they looked.

_Here we go, _I thought. _The roller coaster ride has begun. I should have gotten off. Now it's too late._

Gandalf picked up the book and started flipping through it and reading aloud.

My palms began to seat, and I felt sick.

_I'm gonna vomit. I am going to throw up. Oh, please, God, Eru, Illuvatar, whatever name you have here, please let us all come out of this ok. Please, God, please! _I prayed.

I had not forgotten that in Fellowship everyone – except for Gandalf, but he came back to life – came out of Moria ok, but MEKESSG and I were wild cards. Once again, I didn't know how we would change events. But I was sure we

"They are coming," Gandalf said the final words.would have some effect.

"Candorien, are you ok?" Sam asked softly. He'd picked up the word "okay" from me. "You look ill."

"Hush," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth. "I'm fine, Sam. Or I will be soon enough."

Doom boom doom boom.

"So it begins," I murmured and drew my sword.

"Easy, Candorien. We're not at war," joked Boromir.

Doom boom doom boom.

"Not at war yet," I told him grimly.

And then we all heard it. The pounding footsteps of orcs.

"Yrch," I breathed, hoping that I was pronouncing it correctly.

Legolas shot me an odd look….again, so I must have.

It was, as I'd figured orcs. They tried to burst into the doors Aragorn and Boromir had closed just moments earlier.

"I see why you were uncomfortable," Sam whispered in my ear.

"Yeah," I replied.

Some creature had stuck its huge foot through the door. Aragorn tried to cut it off, but Anduril could not bite it. Up swept Marry Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow's sword, and Twinkle – that was my name for it – sliced neatly through the foot.

"Your blade bites deep, meleth nin," said Legolas.

"Hannon le, Legolas," she replied and batted her eyelashes. I couldn't believe it. Here we were, about to be engaged in deadly combat, and they were flirting! Of all the henwitted things….

Boom!

The orcs burst into the room. Blades flashed, arrows flew, and Gandalf was whirling his staff around. As it came towards me, I ducked. Thump! It whacked into someone behind me.

"Thanks!" I called out to the wizard and saw an orc coming for me. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" I executed a perfect fan-girl scream and ran. Because I wasn't looking where I was going, I tripped over somebody's dead body and fell to the ground. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The orc got closer and closer. It was standing over me now with a curved wicked scimitar. I was going to die.

Thud! Gimli sent his axe deep into the creature's ribcage.

"Thanks," I panted and stood up quickly.

"Here. Take this and keep it safe for me." The dwarf handed me the book of Mazarbul.

"Why?"

"Because," thud! The dwarf's axe hit another orc, "you cannot fight."

I blushed in embarrassment, but it was true.

"Go!" Gimli urged me. "Go! Go!"

I tucked the book under my arm and tore off for the east door. In that moment, I was a coward.

"Coward!" MEKESSG hissed in my ear.

"Yes," she had joined me at the door, "I guess I am. Why are you here?"

"Aragorn sent me to protect you."

I looked at her skeptically. "Oh?"

"Yes. We all know you fight worse than the hobbits." She gestured to my four little friends with her bow before shooting an arrow at an orc sneaking up on Legolas.

I growled. The goodwill was gone.

"Right on that one." We were agreeing for the first time ever. What was going on?

She smirked, "Whereas I," she shot another arrow and it soared through two orcs, "am as good as Legolas. Right, Candy?"

"Anyways," she dropped her bow and attacked an orc with Twinkle, "it's safer over here."

I couldn't argue with that point. She was right.

A minute later, we had a lull in the action. Everyone else looked relieved, but I knew it was only a short break. Sure enough, a tall orc captain the size of Boromir led a group of orcs in. Somehow, he got past Aragorn and managed to stick a spear into Frodo before Anduril cut him down.

"Go! Leave! Swords are of no more use here! Save Mary Elizabeth!" Gandalf herded everyone out the door and put a sealing spell on it. We hurried down the stairs while waiting for Gandalf to catch up.

"Candorien, remind me to teach you how to fight," said Boromir. I did not respond.

We ran. We ran and ran and ran and ran. Down stairs, across halls, and finally to the Bridge of Khazad Dum. One by one we crossed it with fire behind. The orcs were almost to the bridge, but the fire loomed and formed an indescribable creature. They ran back from it in fear.

The creature took a step towards us, and I gulped involuntarily. I was staring up at a Balrog.

* * *

**Author's Note: Long chapter, I know, but surely part of it was all the review replies. :grins: Thanks so much for all of them. I just wish I'd get as many for "The True Tale of the Grey Company" and its prequels. :begs: Pwease! Pwease! I wants reviews. I've decided to end the auction, but keep telling me your ideas for ways to kill MEKESSG. I have a very good idea for the end of the story that will use those. And what do you guys think of this shirt? On the front it reads in big black letters "Wanna know how to keep a crazed fan-girl busy? (See back of shirt)" and on the back it shall have a big picture of Orlando Bloom...I shall probably have a few girls asking me where I got said shirt and wanting one, but...I won't tell them... I just need to find a pic and somewhere to have the shirt made. It'll be red with black letters...or blue with black letters...or maybe black with tan letters. But I digress. Wonderful idea, I think. Anyone else want said shirt?**

**Oh, and I got the word "patookas" from Zavier Starwood. :bows to Zavier:**


	12. Facing Bob

**Liv – I know you love Merry. I do too. Much better than my other characters – no, I can't say that. They'll kill me. :gulps:**

**Tera Earth – I think MEKESSG is already scary beyond all reason. Making her look like Ezma would just be gross. **

**Arialas - :shivers with glee: COOL! Can I help you?**

**Emily – Should I start calling you "FESTIVAL WAS RIGGED!" I don't really think you want me to.**

**Kay – Get over me being insanely jealous. It happens all the time…like when a friend has a new CD or puppy or Orlando Bloom poster. But I have a Chronicles of Narnia poster, so I laugh. HAH!**

**Crafty – I prefer 'patookas'. :grins: I know, I'm crazy. I'm glad it made you laugh.**

**Alasse Irena – Me too. I just have to find somewhere to get it made.**

**Ann – Onny – Mous – GREAT IDEA! I've decided to use part of it – I got stuck in Lorien anyways. Um, could you give me examples of those times I A) used fangirlishness and B) negated their personalities. Then I can know what I did and avoid doing it in the future!**

**TheDreamChild – If I ever do, I will. I don't have said fan-girl shirt, but I plan on getting one someday…someday very soon.**

**Hippie Jade – How did it almost rhyme? Ah, I don't quite worry about being drooled on. Let us say I worry about those who presume to drool on me.**

**Cookies-R-Yummy – Dunno. I guess the fact that she's a bit more respectful than Candorien. O.O crazy thought.**

**Crecy – Yes! You need to pay attention to Merry. She's going to have a rather rough ride, I fear.**

**NebThauDragmire – Yes, so many fun ways…too bad I can only use one. **

**Ames – Right now our character is only thinking of Moria. And yes, I'd get you one with Johnny Depp if I could find someplace to have mine made…and I can't.**

**Elizabeth – Odd, how my original stories often get started from plot bunnies sent to me by reading forums. Ah, well. Someday my plot bunnies shall become normal…someday, hopefully.**

**Slayer3 – Are you serious? COOL! Only I don't have a violin teacher close by…oh well. VIOLIN!**

**Maw – Random sharp things, eh? How about tin can lids? Butter knives? Letter openers? Grapefruit cutters? WOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Mis. Mira – Actually, that was a really good idea…hmmmmmmm.**

**Disclaimer: FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL, I OWN NOTHING! Well, maybe the Sue and Candorien, but aside from that, NOTHING!**

**Author's Note: From now on, I am only going to answer anonymous reviews in the chapters themselves. The others I will reply to by using that awesome little link.**

* * *

Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow stood forth and raised her arms to the sky – well, the ceiling, really. 

"By all the power in the Valar, Eru, and myself," she began," I command you to leave us alone. You cannot pass!" She proceeded to shout in some arcane language.

I sighed, folded my arms, and leaned against one of the close by walls of rock. This was going to take awhile.

Five minutes later, MEKESSG stopped shouting. Gandalf appeared impressed. The Balrog, however, sent me a look that said, plain as dirt, "Is she always like this?"

"All the time," I replied.

"I feel for you," he said.

The Balrog's voice was low and scratchy. Part of him was shadow and the rest was a beautifully bright flame. I'm not a pyromaniac, not by any means, but fire holds a certain beauty and mystery for me. The Balrog was cool!

"Yeah, me too," I sighed.

The others merely stared at us, dumbfounded. I suppose they weren't used to demons conversing with teenage girls.

"Can she get worse?" the Balrog asked, gesturing at MEKESSG with his sword of flame.

"Yup. A lot worse, especially when she's kissing some elf or other."

"They would kiss her! I didn't know Illuvatar's older children had fallen so far! It's hilarious!" He slapped his knee in merriment. Legolas and MEKESSG looked affronted.

I grinned. I was beginning to like the Balrog.

"I couldn't agree more." I strode over to the bridge. "Do you have a name, kind sir?" I wanted to call him "Bob", but if he had a name, it would be best to use that.

"None that you ought to hear, young missy. You sounded like her just now." He gestured at MEKESSG again.

"Forgive me, lord, for my transgressions against your noble wishes." I was enjoying myself for the first time since entering Moria. "I am so overcome with sorrow that I …" And with that, I fell to the ground – or tried to. Boromir caught me before my head hit the ground. "Nice catch," I whispered.

"Candorien, what are you doing?" he hissed. "We need to get out of here."

"Got it. You see, my lord," I popped up, "I apologize."

"You amuse me, young lady."

"I am glad to hear of it. My friends are delighted with your marvelous hospitality," I ignored a snort from Gandalf, "but they are desirous to be leaving. Will you permit them to do so?" My heart was racing wildly.

"You call her," for the third time, he waved his sword at Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow, "a friend?"

"Well," I let the word hang, sensing her rage, "more like an acquaintance."

"Ah. And I am to go against my nature and Melkor's will and let them leave?"

"I was hoping you might."

"Will you stay here with me?" he asked, suddenly pleading. "For me?"

Uh oh. This was not going according to plan.

"There's no sunlight here," I said, speaking from the bottom of my heart. "No horses, no birds. No trees. No moonlight or starlight or wind or rain. I cannot stay here."

He looked sad, and my heart went out to him. What I'd said was true, however. I could not stay in Moria, never to see the sun or dance in the rain again.

"Very well then," he sighed. He seemed more human to me than all the elves I'd met. More pitiable. If he had been a book character, he would have been as romantic a character as the highwayman in Alfred Noyes's poem. Romantic in the literary sense, of course. "You may leave."

I met Aragorn's eyes and nodded towards the exit. He nodded in response and started to lead the hobbits, Gimli, Boromir, and Legolas towards the exit.

Turning back to the Balrog, I executed a surprisingly graceful curtsy – a hard thing to do in Elven leggings – and bid him farewell.

"Namarie," I said softly. In my heart, I know that I would never see him again. I also knew that we would always remember each other. It isn't often, with the world being as big as it is, that two people meet and really connect with each other.

We were almost all up the steps when something really scary happened. The Balrog came forward, coming over the bridge. He was going after MEKESSG. Perhaps he wasn't who I thought he was, or maybe he was trying to rid me of an enemy. I don't know which, or if he was in a different mindset altogether.

She shrieked and ran.

"Gandalf! Legolas! Aragorn! Gimli! Boromir! HELP ME!"

Gandalf moved to help her.

"You shall not pass!" he howled at the Balrog.

The rest of us started to dash back as well. MEKESSG ran to Legolas and set to sobbing in his arms.

"BOB!" I yelled. "Stop it right now!"

"Bob?" Everyone stopped and turned to stare at me, including MEKESSG, Gandalf, and the Balrog.

"Yes, Bob," I continued on brusquely. "Stop it. You said you'd let us go. All of us. I shall hold you to your promise. Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, go. Gandalf, lead us out. NOW! Mary Elizabeth, you go first."

The Balrog seemed to be angry, but he nodded his fiery head.

"Now move, people!" I was taking control of a situation I had no business taking control of, but I did not care one whit. "MOVE!" I yelled again, just for good measure.

Things were going well. Gandalf was going to leave Moria alive. I had been of some use, at least.

MEKESSG, however, would not be content doing as I bid. She flounced back in the Balrog's direction and started yelling again. Gandalf and Legolas rushed towards her. I clapped and hand to my head, thinking, _Here we go again. _

He took a step back from the irate girl. Unfortunately, he was still on the bridge. Terror filled my heart as I watched Bob fall down, down, down, down, down into the Abyss. As he fell, his whip of flames hit Gandalf 'round the knees. The wizard staggered a little and was pulled off the bridge and into the gaping dark chasm.

"Fly you fools!" he called and was gone.

"Come on now," Aragorn took control. "We must be gone."

**

* * *

Author's Note: There you go. I hope you guys like it. Don't forget to review. It's lunch. There's a gossip circle within my eyesight. Cheerleading try-outs are today...but I'm not trying out. OK, after that bit of extraneous information, please review**


	13. Sojourn on ZirakZigil

**Slayer3 – Thought you would. Bob is just so, lovable, you know.**

**Ames – I know you could go on and on… so could I, actually. Don't worry. Candorien will see Bob again, if I have anything to say about it. Read this chapter...it reveals all.**

**Emily – I refuse to call you Leaving 4 the Movies Soon. It doesn't work. And who said Bob is BAD? Perhaps he's merely misunderstood.**

**Tara – Please mind your language. I love sax and band. I absolutely refuse to drop out, no matter what people say…but I prefer my flute – Maglor – to my sax – Cap'n Alex.**

**(Person who wrote in symbols that won't let me put on here) - I will. Don't worry. Thank ye kindly for liking my story.**

**Ann-Onny-Mous – Funny, yes, but that's not what I'm going for. I'm going to...well, you'll see.**

**Sushi-san85 – Isn't it? So many stories represent him as evil, terrible, a cruel and nefarious creature. But I don't really think he's like that…that could just be my romanticizing side. I love the Highwayman. "The moon was a ghostly galleon, tossed on cloudy seas". I just love that poem.**

**Alasse Irena – Wasn't it?**

**Kay – Well, guess what? I have a LOTR poster, a CATCF poster, a Corpse Bride poster, a Narnia poster, and a POTC poster. Hah! And a Narnia shirt. :laughs: HAH! I went to Hot Topic yesterday. Too bad I couldn't buy the HP hoodie or one of the Corpse Bride hoodies. Oh, well. At least I have Mr. Oogey Boogey Man. :grins evilly:**

**RekaiMiko – I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or as an insult. I'll choose the former. THANKS!**

**Disclaimer: I own zip, Tolkien owns all. 'Tis not fair. :throws tantrum: I WANT TO OWN EVERYTHING! Sorry 'bout that.**

**Author's Note: I know this chapter may surprise you people exceedingly, but the next one will be just as bad. :grins: Have fun!**

* * *

Later I would regret my decision, but at that moment I was so mad at MEKESSG for losing Gandalf and so sick of being around her I didn't care. Heart pounding madly, blood flowing crazily through my veins, I moved out onto the broken bridge. 

"Candorien, what are you doing?" Boromir asked wearily.

"Goodbye, 'Mir, Merry, Pip, Sam, and Frodo. Navaer, Aragorn."

I dove off the side of the bridge, going headfirst towards the flame that was the Balrog.

_What are you doing? _a voice in the back of my head yelled angrily. _What were you thinking, diving off that bridge? You're suicidal, girl!_

_I know, _I replied, a bit miffed, _but it seemed the right thing somehow._

As I fell through the abyss, I started to do a breaststroke to go down faster. Just in front of me was Bob. He was fighting with Gandalf.

"Will you two stop that?" I asked in annoyance. All three of us may have been falling, but that did not mean I had to be nice.

"It's an evil demon of the ancient world," the wizard wheezed. "I've got to kill it."

"Demon, am I?" snorted Bob. "Don't listen to that barmy old bat, girl," he said 'girl' like 'gel'. It was cool. "He just wants to lead you wrong."

_Pur-lease, _I thought to both of them. I was falling faster than they were now, so I stopped doing the breaststroke. It was very comfortable, lying on my back and floating down, down, down, down to – hang on. Was that water? I was floating – falling, really – down towards a cold, wet, pool of water.

"Ah!" I screamed and curled up into a ball, holding my nose in one hand and pulling my legs up to my chin with my other arm.

"Girl, what are you doing?" asked Gandalf.

Before I could answer him, however, we hit the water with a big smack. My body went down about ten feet and then floated to the surface. Using the scissor-kick to tread water, I shivered and looked around. Where was the wizard? And where was…. Some thing cold and clammy grabbed me. A cold, cracked hand lifted me out of the water.

"Who? What? Oh, Bob, it's you." The Balrog's flame had been doused when he hit the water.

"Come with me," he muttered in that low, scratchy voice and swam over to a tunnel in the rock wall. He set me down inside where it was dry.

Although my heart should have been pounding in fear, all I could think about was how wet all my clothes were. And the leather. Oh no! My flute!

"Where did that blasted wizard go?" the Balrog rasped.

"I am here!" called Gandalf. "Demon, let go the maiden!" He climbed up to where we were.

_Couldn't he have just said "Let the maiden go?" _I wondered. But I really didn't have time to think. The Balrog picked me up again and started off down the passage with Gandalf hot in pursuit. It was really, really like King Kong. Too like the movie for my tastes.

"Let me go!" I hollered. "Put me down, Bob!"

He tried to use me to hit Gandalf, and I jumped off his hand and hid behind the wizard.

"Candorien, you shouldn't be here," said he.

"I know," I murmured, but Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow is such a pain. I couldn't take it anymore."

"It was a henwitted thing to do," he growled before thrusting Glamdring at the Balrog.

"Could you two please try not to kill each other?" I yelled.

They glanced at me and then went on fighting up, up, up the Endless Stair. I trudged wearily along behind. After about thirty minutes of swashbuckling action, I got really bored and took my flute from its case. Playing Civil War patriotic songs is usually interesting, and it proved to be so that time. I love sword fights, but even they get boring after awhile.

Sometimes the two fighters would get hung up in one spot, and I would sit down and eat some dried meat – like jerky. I once took a nap during a two-hour long duel on the same ten steps. That wasn't even the longest duel they had.

It took them eight days to get to the peak. Eight entire days! It was extremely frustrating. To entertain myself, I played my flute, ate, shouted out comments, and battled the wall with my sword. It became exceedingly boring.

At long last, we reached the peak of Zirak-Zigil. It was a cold two days until they killed each other off – though the Balrog did die first. By that time, I was out of food. I know it would take a while for Gandalf to come back to life. In the meantime, what was I to do for food?

I walked a bit down the Endless Stair and curled up in a ball to sleep. It would be a long time 'til anything interesting happened.

* * *

"My child," the woman said grandly, "you cannot die. You have been given the strength of the Valar. You shall prevail.' 

I ignored her, dismissing her words and focusing instead on a memory of long ago.

"Kill the Sue! Kill the Sue!" my friends had chanted.

"Kill the Sue! Kill the Sue!"

I looked around. Sure enough, there was Rachel with Hi'ino, her flute. Her eyes gleamed with fiendish pleasure.

"Torture," she mouthed, and I nodded soberly. Rachel was going to take over the world some day. She planned on it – and she would succeed. One look in her light green eyes assured me of that.

"No mercy," Jessica whispered as she walked past me.

"Eviscerate," murmured Elle, a third friend.

"Torture!' Rachel yelled loudly. "Let the pain begin, let your kinder side give in, to the power of this homicidal night."

Even in dreams, my friends bent music lyrics to their evil purposes.

I laughed and grabbed Rachel's hands. We spun around in circles, giggling, and then began to sing a song.

"Suffocation, lack of inhalation, that's the kind of game I like to play!

"First you take a water hose, shove it up your little nose. Turn it on. Then you're gone! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

"Suffocation, lack of inhalation, that's the kind of game I like to play!

"First you take a plastic bag, stick it over your little head. Go to bed. Wake up dead! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

We sang and twirled, twirled and sang. It was fun.

* * *

I woke up and found that I had slept for an exceedingly long time. Dawn was just beginning to touch Zirak-Zigil, the only point of light in a world of cloudy dark. I hummed softly to myself and climbed back up to where Gandalf's body lay. To my surprise, I realized the song I was humming was "The King of the Golden Hall". Life is so ironic sometimes. 

After a quick breakfast and a nice chat with Gandalf's body, I headed down the Endless Stair, holding my sword in front of me at arm's length. If I met any orcs, I wanted to be prepared. I doubted that I would, however. I didn't think they knew where the Endless Stair was or how to get to the peak where I was. It was cold and snowy up there, and out in the sun to boot. No, I didn't think orcs would come. They no doubt thought I was dead. The Fellowship probably did, too. I bit my lip as tears came unbidden to my eyes. I knew that Boromir was going to die now. I was sure of it. And there was not a single thing I could do to help him.

I had no idea of time during my sojourn on Zirak-Zigil. I know I slept for over 24-hour periods. I ate little and drank snow often. Sometimes, I would make treks down the Stair and do a wee bit of exploring. But this I did only during the day. I had no torches or lights, and I knew I could not find my way back in the dark. Perhaps two weeks went by in that fashion. My stomach was constantly gnawing at me. Snow would not satisfy. I was running out of food. I had been surviving by eating only once a day and drinking snow when I was hungry. One morning, I caught a glimpse of myself in a small pool of melted snow that had collected in a crevasse in the rock. My hair was dirty and down to my shoulders. I was definitely 30 or 40 pounds lighter than I had been upon arriving in Middle-earth.

At one point, I considered eating the wizard's dead body. But then, the face of my friend Sally hovered in front of me.

"Are you a cannibal, Candorien?" the disembodied head asked me somberly.

I squealed and ran off down the stairs. After that, I avoided the body.

One evening, I returned from an exploration down the stair to find Gandalf sitting up there – naked as a jaybird. I choked and put my hand up to shield my eyes.

"Gandalf?" I said tentatively.

He didn't answer, so I tried another tack.

"Olorin?" I said even more tentatively.

He fixed upon me with keen eyes. "No. I killed that dude. I'm Bob, or so you called me once."

"Wow." I just stood there, dumbfounded. "Wow."

Then on impulse, I asked, "Why are you alive? Why not Gandalf?"

He shrugged and conjured clothes of flame out of nowhere. "Dunno. Valar liked me better, I guess."

I considered this for a moment. "OK with me. Now, what are we going to do?"

He looked at me scrutinously. . "How about we kill that girl who knocked me off the bridge?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, I hope you enjoyed my surprise! Please review and tell me what you think. :begs: Pwease! I really need those reviews.**

**BTW, my great-grandmother is dead, so I won't be able to update really soon. Please keep me and my family in your prayers.**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	14. A Twist and a Half

**Slayer3 – I'm not surprised. Not one bit.**

**Ames – I love being random and having fun. Bob provides these things well, savvy?**

**Karen – And that's what this story lives for: twistiness.**

**Alasse.Irena – YAY! I've surprise someone:does happy-dance: **

**Sushi-san85 – By all means, yes, that would be wonderful. However, have you ever considered what would have happened had Boromir been saved?**

**Anonymous – Why, thank you.**

**Shadowstalker – I try.**

**Kay – NO I AM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT A CANNIBAL! Honestly, girl. And, you know, it's called the FPP. Friend Protection Program. **

**ME – That was a rather funny review. I loved it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the two OC's. GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME!**

* * *

I grinned, "Sounds fun. But, seeing as how Gandalf isn't here, how are we to get things done?" 

Bob shrugged, "I don't know. I'm not even used to this wizard's body. I think you'll be calling the shots."

Great. Just great. Everyone knew I was not the best military strategist, and now it seemed as if I'd have to play Gandalf's part. _We're doomed, _I thought apathetically. _We are sooooooo doomed. _

"Joy," I muttered aloud. "Now, Bob, do you know of anyplace we can hole up and plot for a day or two? 'Cause I'm hungry and rather dirty."

"Of course," the thing-that-should-have-been-Gandalf-but-was-really-the-Balrog said congenially. "Come. I'll show you to my apartments now."

His place in Moria was really quite nice. The Balrog had, by ingenuity and good luck, managed to find an underground spring. He'd built a bathtub over it. I was able to get clean and brush out my now-long, tangled hair. After that, the wizard/Balrog fed me. He had meats and cheeses in his larder, even some dried fruit. Thanks to a warning about eating too much, I onlyate enough to satiate my poor stomach. It had been complaining for days.

"What are we to do?" I asked, silently thanking God for my love of fan fiction and reading LOTR's appendices. "I mean, we're Gandalf-less, and we have to destroy Sauron."

The Balrog/wizard thought. "We could let her do it."

"Who-her?"

"The one girl with a really long name. The one you dislike."

"Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow," I breathed.

"Aye, that's the one."

"Yes," I mused softly, "she could do it. But she'd probably make a stink, and we'd be indebted to her. Hmmm. Tell me, Bob," I said on sudden inspiration, "do you have a library?"

"Yes."

"Good. Can you take me there?"

"Right now?"

I nodded.

"Come on," he sighed. "We'd better hurry."

"Why?" I asked curiously.

The wizard/Balrog frowned. "I don't really know," he confessed. "But we'd best get going.

Very curious, I trotted along behind him. Even though I'd seen some big libraries before, this one took the cake. It was an enormous cavern filled from top to bottom with rock shelves and large, leather-bound tomes.

"Wow. Wow." That was all I could say for several minutes. Then I regained my powers of speech. "Are these organized?"

"Yes." The Gandalf/Bob/thing proceeded to direct me around his library.

"Do you have a calendar?" I asked, twisting my hands in the folds of my blue dress. It was a bit big for me, as I'd lost a lot of excess weight.

"Yes," Bob answered. "Today's the fourteenth of February."

"Hmmm." I thought for a minute, tapping a finger along my chin gently. "Bob, could you get me some paper and a pen?"

He nodded and did as I'd asked, coming back with a roll of parchment and a quill pen with ink.

"Great." I found an armchair in one of the cavern's corners, sat down, and began to write. "Hmmm."

It was time for me to face my fear – that MEKESSG was a Mary-Sue. I highly doubted it, however. One, her hair wasn't ultra-shiny or greasy. Two, her figure wasn't all that curvaceous. Three, I disliked her. Then again, I was a girl. But Arwen didn't mind her. It was very hard. All my ideas about Sues didn't seem to include her. They contradicted each other in her case.

Of a few things, though, I had absolute surety. One, she attracted males like honey attracts flies. Two, her appearance was always flawless – except for the one time Pippin and I had drawn glasses and a mustache on her with charcoal from the dying fire one night when we were both on watch. I grinned at the memory. Three, she was good with weapons. Four, she claimed to be half-elf half-Maia. Five, she was a major pain and led me to consider homicide at least once daily. But did all that make her a Sue to be dealt with accordingly? Or was she just a person like me? I chewed the end of my quill pen in frustration. What was a girl to do?

"Worried?" Bob asked.

"Yeah," I replied, still thinking. "Look, Bob, we don't have Gandalf. We just have you and me. And we've got to defeat Sauron. It's hopeless." I buried my face in my hands. "We're doomed. DOOMED!'

"Don't talk like that," said Bob bracingly. "You can do anything."

He sounded like one of my teachers. "No," I laughed mirthlessly, "I can't. I'm a thirteen-year-old girl. I can't even use my sword properly, let alone save the world."

Bob laughed. "I doubt anyone expects you to." Then his eyes clouded over. He looked odd for a minute before speaking. "Candorien? What are you doing here, you fool of a girl? For that matter, what am I doing here?"

"Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no no no no no," I moaned. Our troubles were getting worse. Gandalf and Bob were sharing the same body. "Oh dear. Of all the things… Eru, why me?" I laid my head in my hands. Things were not going according to plan. Not at all.

"Candorien," the now-wizard said, "I – we, I suppose – have things yet to do. We shall be going to Lorien soon. Now, where are we?" He paused for a moment, deep in thought. Then his eyes widened. "And why," the wizard went on, his eyes narrowed in suspicion, anger, and annoyance, "is there another mind bidding mine to make room for it and heed it? Answer me swiftly."

Nervous and uncomfortable, I replied, "You see, sir, um, well," I dithered for a moment, and then decided to come clean. "I think your spirit and that of the Balrog inhabit the same body at the moment, sir." I winced, ready for his reaction.

Instead of getting furious, Gandalf nodded. "I feared it was so. You see, in Valinor, I never liked erm, eh, um,"

"Bob," I suggested helpfully.

"Yes, thank you. Bob and I don't get along."

"Got that right," came the low, scratchy voice of the Balrog from Gandalf's larynx. "He was always a favorite of Manwë. Me, I preferred Morgoth – Melkor afore they changed his name. Morgoth actually worked. Olorin here," he glared at himself – if that were possible, "never lifted a finger."

"I have – did – too!" the wizard shouted in his normal voice. "What do you think I've been doing all these years on Middle-earth?"

"Being grumpy," I murmured softly, but both of the body's personalities ignored me.

"It doesn't matter!" the Balrog growled. "Point is, lass," he addressed me; "we don't get along at all. I doubt we ever had a reason to being with. We don't need one, really. Old Gandy and I just hate each other. That's all there is to it."

They proceeded to call each other names for several hours or so. I spent my time drawing MEKESSG dead: with a sword through her, hanged, disemboweled, beheaded, turned into a pin-cushion full of arrows. In short, every evil dead way I could think of. When at last they finished name-calling, I had run out of paper and was dozing comfortably.

"Have you come to an agreement yet?" I asked upon waking.

"Yes," both voices told me.

"Good, and what is it?" I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs.

"I make all the important decisions," said the Gandalf-voice.

"And I do the fighting and get to make comments,' said the Balrog-voice with a gleam in his eye that I was quite proud of. As a little sister – as a sister, really – I knew the joys, many of them sarcastic, which came from making comments. They had kept me going on many a long trek with the Fellowship.

"Yes," said both voices together. "We'll try to get along."

I nodded thoughtfully. They would, but it would be hard. On inspiration, I quoted Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."

"Very well," the voices complained irritably. "We will get along."

"However, if anything goes really wrong, don't blame me," Bob muttered in an undertone.

I sighed. Things were going to get really bad, like as not. Oh, well. I should be able to control Bob, and Gandalf had sense. With luck, we would be able to save Middle-earth. My hopes weren't that high, though. Gandalf and Bob REALLY did not like each other. Really.

"Come on," Gandalf snorted, "we ought to leave now. An eagle should be coming for us soon."

_How does he know? _I thought nervously. _I thought only Galadriel could tell the future._

Bob directed us out of the library, through the rest of his apartments, and up to Zirak-zigil. I took my notes and doodles with me.

_Just in case, _I thought. _Besides, the doodles will keep up my morale. _

As we climbed out into the sun, I heard the body-inhabited-by-two-spirits inhale quickly. Turning to seep what he was looking at, I gasped involuntarily. Flying towards us was the largest, swiftest, grandest eagle I'd even seen. I swallowed. The fun was about to begin.

* * *

**Author's Note: Are you enjoying my lovely twistiness of plot and canon? Well, mayhap not cannon, but you get the point. Extra Brownie points to HazleSilver for being the BETA on this chapter. Now, read, review, and tell me how much you love my oddness. Come on. You know you want to. The button is calling you. Hear it? It's going, "I am your button of music. Come to me reviewer of music!" Sorry. I've been singing Phantom of the Opera music WAY too much lately, I guess.**

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	15. Lorien

**Amareth's Shadow – Yes. I continue to twist and twist and twist the plot. It's very fun.**

**Ames – I'm trying to. I'm trying to.**

**Sushi-san85 – O.O I can't believe you put that much thought into it. It would be cool, though, if she did save Bori. **

**18 – We all have to make some concessions sometimes. This was mine.**

**Slayer3 – How do I join IMSGSET again? (Very detailed instructions this time!)**

**Kay – A BETA is someone who kind of proofreads your chapter, looking for spelling, grammar, and other mistakes like that.**

**Aniviel – I highly doubt that you're the only one.**

**Disclaimer: I DISCLAIM! I DISCLAIM! I DISCLAIM! I OWN NAUGHT! **

* * *

The huge eagle – _Gwaihir! _I heard my mind shout. _Gwaihir!_ – soared towards us. He landed and addressed the Gandalf/Bob/combo creature.

Considering the altitude, I dug in my pack.

"I know you're in there somewhere," I muttered, shoving aside my spare clothes, hairbrush, and texts as I pawed through the leather bag. "Aha! Here you buggers are!" Triumphantly, I pulled one of the three pieces of gum in my bag out of it. "Mmmm, green apple," I sighed in delight as I chewed the minty gum. "Delicious."

The eagle carried me in its claws on the long flight to Lorien.

_Lucky Gandalf! _I thought rather resentfully. _He gets to ride on top of the big bird. But not me. Oh no! I get to ride – be carried – in the claws of the eagle. I think I'm going to be sick. _

During that trip, I opened my eyes only once. The view below me was mind-boggling. I felt nauseous and quickly shut my eyes. It would NOT make the eagle happy if I puked on him. And I would make myself messy in the process.

Finally, we touched down in Lorien.

"Land! Dry land!" I exclaimed as soon as I was free. Knees trembling, I collapsed to the ground and tried to hug it, only to realize that one cannot hug a plane, as they extend in all directions forever on. With a sheepish grin, I got to my feet and looked around me. We were, I supposed, just outside of Caras Galadhon. Gandalf was talking to some elves in Sindarin.

_Snap! _I thought. _Why can't they use a tongue I know? Now I can't eavesdrop. _

Just then, a retinue of elves came walking down from the city. I spied in their midst a tall male elf with silver hair and an equally tall female elf with golden hair. Celeborn and Galadriel. It had to be. No one else could make me feel so nervous.

Remembering something, I winced slightly. There is something odd about hearing someone else's voice in your head. I wasn't sure I could take it without running in circles, screaming, and trying to do cartwheels – even thought I couldn't.

The large group of elves reached Gandalf. Celeborn and Galadriel moved to the front and began to speak with him. Still fifty yards off, I couldn't hear. Moving as silently as I could while still walking normally, I got nearer and nearer until I was standing at Gandalf's shoulder.

"My lady," he said to Galadriel in the Westron upon noticing me, "allow me to present to you Candorien."

_I have heard of you, _her voice said in my mind.

I shivered this was really, really creepy, and I did not at all like it.

_I hope it was good, _I thought back. _I would hate for you to hear something about me that wasn't true._

_Yes. Tell me, Candorien. Wouldn't you rather be somewhere else doing something else?_

She offered me the chance of being safe and sound in Rivendell, awaiting the end of the war and the return of my love, Legolas. The chance to live every fan-girl's dream and be married to him. I tore my eyes away from hers, then, unable to meet their keen gaze anymore. I would love that, I knew. To be loved and cherished by an elf – by Legolas Greenleaf! – would be wonderful. I was afraid if I looked in her eyes much longer I would lose my determination to go on with Gandalf. Indeed, it felt as if she could give this thing to me. It felt like if I told Galadriel I wanted what she'd offered, I could have it. That was indeed a dangerous feeling.

The Lady turned back to Gandalf. Thinking my examination over, I began to look at all the different elves. Some – Noldor, I guessed, had dark hair and eyes. Others had light-colored hair. All were extremely good-looking. My inner fan-girl began to pant.

Suddenly, I heard Galadriel's voice in my head again.

_What has happened to Mithrandir? _She asked of me in a rather annoyed tone.

_Um, well, … _I told her the whole sad story.

_Thank you, _she thought and left my mind to go scrutinize Gandalf again.

_Poor Bob, _I thought in amusement. _This is going to be good. _

Sure enough, less than two minutes later, Gandalf burst into flame. I oohed and aahed for a minute before settling down on the grass to watch the spectacle. He was warming me, and I so loved to watch fire. It has always interested me. For five glorious minutes, the Gandalf/Balrog/thing burned. Nothing else caught on fire; they just burned. At last, the flames stopped. The flame disappeared from the ground up; the zoomed upwards and formed a ball of fire one foot over the wizard's head.

"Farewell, my friend," came a voice from the fire before it faded and vanished into nothingness.

Tears came from my eyes. Bob was gone. I was truly never going to see him again.

Gandalf shook himself like a wet dog. After a few more minutes of talk, we were led up into the city. Then, there was more talk.

Rather bored, I began to imagine. _Yes._

_Underneath Lorien there is a realm of slugs, _I thought. _And these slugs are ten feet long and leave oozing trails of poisonous slime behind them. They have two stalks coming out of their heads. Their eyes are on the stalks. When they have decided whom they wish to mate with for life, they go up to that slug and try to bit one of their eyestalks off. If they succeed, that slug must do the same to them. They have 3-5 eggs per laying. A female slug lays 25 times a year. The slugs do not like living down below. Up here, they would find more food and be able to get bigger and live longer. Their slime would kill the plants and mallorns, though. _

"Candorien?"

"The slugs are planning to take over Lothlorien…what?"

The elf stepped back nervously. "Are you alright?"

"Perfectly." I smiled, got up, and brushed off my dirty rear. "What was it you came to say to me?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Please read and review. For all of those missing Bob, don't worry. I've got more twists up my sleeve. What do you think about my randomness? **

**Also, for those of you POTO lovers like me, I'm going to publish a really short POTO/LOTR oneshot soon. I'd tell you a bit about it...but you're going to have to read it to find out. **

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	16. Ranting

**Kay – Phantom of the Opera. No revenge as yet.**

**Ames – Phantom of the Opera. **

**Aniviel – If I've permanently confused you, then I've done my job.**

**Amareth's Shadow – Yes! SLUGS OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! **

**Sushi-san85 – I shall keep all your suggestions in mind. And I agree with you about the elves. Their emotions are too simple. Now, tell me: Did Galadriel ever throw a fit because she tripped and skinned her knee? NO. Elves are just too bloody stoic.**

**Tara – Why would I want brownies when I can summon myself a fell beast? Well, really I can't…but I wish I could!**

**Frickin' Rad – Okay…………that was interesting.**

**Disclaimer: I OWN ZIP! **

* * *

"I was sent to show you to your quarters," the ellon told me.

"Very well," I sighed with the air of one being taken to their own execution. "Go ahead."

He led me to a small pavilion.

_It's very much like what the Fellowship must have stayed in, _I thought and parked my rear in a chair.

"If there's anything that can be done to make you more comfortable, lady, you have but to ask."

"I'm no lady." I groaned inwardly. The imp of the perverse had got me again. "Disregard that."

He smiled patiently.

"It's Candorien, just Candorien. And I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much. Where is Mithrandir, pray?"

"Talking with the Lord Celeborn and the Lady Galadriel."

"Just as I thought." Sighing, I taped my fingers on the arms of the chair. What was I supposed to do in the meantime?

"Lady Candorien?"

"Yes?" I snapped back to the present and looked him up and down. He was handsome – then again, all ellons were – and looked to be of Silvan descent. Of course, I was no expert on elves.

"Some of my friends and I were wondering if you could tell us about your mistress, the lady Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow."

Not again! I rose out of the chair and glared at him, my eyes cold and furious.

"She is not my mistress," I said in a low, dangerous tone. "And I am certainly not her servant. Get that idea out of your head and GO AWAY!"

He got the point and left.

In a rather bad temper, I dropped my bag onto the pallet and plopped down beside it.

"Servant," I muttered angrily to myself. "Servant my callused foot. Oh, I'll get them. Yes," I hissed, "we shall get them. And when the slugs come, will we help them? NO! As the slugs eat them, we shall point and laugh. Yes, precious. Point and laugh. HAH! Hah hah! Hahaha hah!"

I fell back onto the pallet, howling with crazy laughter.

"Or," I continued, "we shall turn her into a flea. A harmless little flea. Then we'll put that flea in a box, and then we'll put that box inside another box, and then we'll mail it to ourself! And when it arrives, WE'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant I tell you! Genius, I say!"

"Avo bedo!" I heard someone yell.

I sighed and stretched out on the pallet, still wearing my blue dress. With my loudness and laughter had gone my annoyance. I just felt sad and slightly bitter. Why? Why did she always have to be better than me? Always be above me? Wasn't it enough that she got the elf? Admittedly, I didn't love Legolas. I liked him well enough – he was a good shot and a loyal friend – but I hadn't fallen head over heels for him. Still, it wasn't fair for her to be so perfect AND get the really handsome elf. All of the really handsome elves, for that matter. My mood grew black.

_So, _I thought, _she's prettier than any other mortal woman on Middle-earth, gets all the cute guys, and **STILL **has to go about saying I'm her servant. That girl has definite Narcissistic characteristics. She ought to go see a shrink!_

Happy with that thought, I hummed softly to myself and tried to go to sleep.

My stay in Lorien was a mixture of peaceful rest and boredom. One, I couldn't speak the language. Two, Gandalf spent most of his time closeted with Galadriel and Celeborn. Three, I couldn't speak the bloody language! It was rather frustrating. About all I could say was 'hello', 'thanks,' 'my friend', and 'farewell'. The last I knew in both Sindarin and Quenya. Oh, and I could say 'orc' and 'horse'. That was the limit of my Sindarin, however. For some reason, it wasn't taught in public schools. I could never fathom why. It was of so much more interest to me than Spanish, French, and Russian, which was all most schools had.

Occasionally and elf would come talk to me in common. But that was not often.

"Candorien, we are leaving today," Gandalf announced one day.

It took all my self-control not to leap into the air and shout with exhilaration. It wasn't that I disliked Lorien. I liked it well enough. I just wasn't really at ease with all the elves. They were so different from me. Where I was loud, mortal, and full of mistakes, they were quiet, immortal, and perfect. I could almost hate them, but it wasn't worth the mental effort and blindness of mind.

"That's nice," I murmured, already packing my bag. "To Rohan now?"

"Yes. There, hopefully, we can set you down somewhere," he muttered under his breath.

"You wouldn't want to do that," I smiled. "Life would get boring."

The old wizard snorted. "Life is, yes, always interesting with you around.'

I beamed. The idea that he was being sarcastic never entered my head.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm sorry about how short this chapter was. Hopefully the next one will be longer. It will definitely have more twists. You know I love twistiness.**

**Now, I would like to introduce you all to my newest pet: Legolas Thranduilion.**

**Legolas: LET ME GO!**

**Authoress: No.**

**Legolas: PLEASE!**

**A: No. You're fun to poke. :pokes Legolas:**

**L: EEP!**

**A: See? FUN! Now don't forget to review, people!**

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	17. Fun in Fangorn

**Slayer 3 – What would you do if I began to sign all my reviews and PM's the way you do yours?**

**Kay – Um, both, really. I won't let him go, and I protect him from Sues. Ergo, he stays.**

**Sushi-san83 – Lovely long review. I must tell you one thing, though. LEGOLAS IS MINE! **

**Llama – I am rather sorry to hear Candorien's a Sue. What would you have me do to fix her? Cut off her hand? But no, she would wangst about it. Feed her to a llama? If I did, everyone would go, "What in all of Arda is going on here?" No. I must rely on those who criticize my writing to tell me how to fix her Sue-iness. Without your advice, I can do naught. BTW, I've read more than LOTR. Almost half of HOME, Unfinished Tales, the Hobbit, and the Silmarillion. I'm just a lazy girl who forgets to change what she wrote in her notebook – "Legolas Greenleaf" – to what she knows his name really is – "Legolas Thranduilion". You are also the first person to tell me Candorien's a Sue. Sorry for being so long and annoyed. You said what you thought. I just wish you'd given me some suggestions!**

**Rayn … the insane – Hannon le.**

**Ames – 261 now, actually.**

**Elfenprincess – Um, no. No readers or reviewers can get in this story. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I own the two girls, the slugs, and nothing else.**

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so bloody long in coming. The bunny just isn't active. I think it has strep.**

* * *

"Why me?" I murmured about two days later, shrugging my pack up high and blowing my hair out of my eyes.

"Candorien, behave."

_NO! _I screamed mentally. Out loud, I murmured, "Gandalf, where are we going and how much longer will it be till we get there?"

"We are in Fangorn, and we're going somewhere in Fangorn," the wizard answered somewhat grumpily. "You'll find out exactly where and how long when we get there."

"I growled softly, fed up, annoyed, and bored. "You're boring," I moaned.

He whirled and shot a glare at me from under those bushy eyebrows. "Candorien," he commanded with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "be silent."

I opened my mouth to retort but found it glued shut by nervousness and fear. Instead, I stared at the ground and behave quietly. Admittedly, it was a new experience.

A few hours of tramping, wandering, and very sore calf muscles later, I dared voice a question.

"Gandalf, how long are we going to be in this forest?"

"Awhile" was the only answer I got.

_Great, _I thought to myself. _I bet Fangorn has slugs, too. Only these are nice slugs who want to kill Sauron – or so it seems. Really, though, they want to eat me alive! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! _

It took considerable effort to drag myself out of metal-slug-creating mode. In the while before I was totally free, I imagined there to be slugs hidden behind every tree. At one point, I was even humming the Mission Impossible theme under my breath. I'm sure Gandalf heard, but, fortunately, he made no comment. I think by then the wizard had realized that my insanity had to escape my mind in some way, or I would spontaneously combust. I had never done so yet, but that did not by any means state that I wouldn't someday. Personally, I think it was my mother's greatest fear.

"Gandalf, may I see an Ent?" I asked about ten minutes later. We'd been walking through the forest for a long while, and my insanity was slowly being tempered by silence, glares, and much reflection.

"No," the wizard replied shortly. "You have asked that question too many times in the last hour. Will you PLEASE be quiet?"

I clammed up. Gandalf could be nasty when he'd lost his temper. My inner warning sensors were telling me not to push him any further.

"Thank you. Now, come on. We have to be at a certain point extremely soon."

My eyes lit up. "Why?" I asked cautiously.

"We'll be rejoining some of our friends."

I smiled, thinking. "Some of our friends" could only mean Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and MEKESSG. Perhaps after such a long separation she wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps she would be kind and full of charity. Perhaps pigs would fly.

* * *

**Author's Note: I have two things to be sorry for now. One, I'm sorry this chapter took so long in coming. The bunny couldn't get past my mental firewall for some reason. I'll have to talk to Legs about that. Two, I'm sorry it was so short. Please forgive me. **

**And now, back to my pet, Legolas Thranduilion!**

**Authoress: MINE! - rushes over to elf and huggles mercilessly -**

**L: HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!**

**A: Legolas, look at it this way. You're either mine or theirs. - points to readers - **

**L: I'll go with you.**

**A: Awwwwwwwww, isn't he just so sweet? L, how shall we kill MEKESSG?**

**L: We shan't. She's the love of my life!**

**A: - gets out Mithril Spork of Doom and looks for MEKESSG - Legs, you're going to regret saying that.**

**Toodles now! Don't forget to leave a loverly review!**

**Authoressinhiding :P**


	18. Not so happy Reunion

**Slayer3 – Forgive me. I forgot to mention that it was yours. I humbly bow down and seek your forgiveness.**

**Sushi-san85 – I'm sorry. The homesickness shall come in the next chapter, and I may use your COD idea sometime soon.**

**Canus lupus – Why wait quietly? Where's the fun in that?**

**Rayn … the insane – No, young lady, you are NOT getting into the story. I will try to update as soon as I can.**

**Me – I will kill the Sue, eventually. I shall also save Legolas from her … again, eventually.**

**Kay – I'm sure he's NOT sane, if that's what you're asking.**

**Tara - :laughs: I will so totally agree with you on the theme song deal. The Phantom tends to get annoyed when I steal his song, though, so Candorien and I didn't want to risk it.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I want all. BUT THE WORLD CONSPIRES AGAINST ME!**

**

* * *

**Three hours later, my arms around a dirty Aragorn, my knees anchoring me on to Hasufel, I had changed my mind. Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow was as frustrating as ever. 

"We thought you had died," Aragorn said slowly, turning his head a bit so his words would reach me. "How is it you survived?"

I glanced down at the grassy sea passing away beneath our feet and sighed. "I'm just lucky, I guess."

"Indeed you must have been," the Ranger commented quietly.

"Strider, what are the people of Rohan like?" I asked, hoping I didn't fall off the galloping horse.

The Ranger frowned, pondering how best to answer my question.

"They are Men of the Twilight," he explained. "Proud and fair, with little written knowledge, yet they sing many songs. Our kin from long ago."

"Members of the Edain who never went to Númenor?" I guessed, wondering if he had included me in the 'our'.

"Yes, Candorien. You will see them soon, never fear."

"What was Èomer like?" I queried.

"Well, our other female companion here," he nodded to MEKESSG, "has become his …"

"He fell in love with her, didn't he?" I groaned.

"Of course he did," Legolas remarked, looking beside him to give MEKESSG a lovey-dovey look. It made me sick. MEKESSG in turn rode closer to him and began to whisper in his ear. Just like that, all my jealousy faded. If getting an elf to fall in love with me took having HER personality, well, I'd pass. I was also annoyed that I couldn't ride behind her. It would make things so much easier for poor Hasufel. No, she'd declared, her horse could simply not bear the extra weight, and neither could Arod.

On we rode for many hours, brilliant Shadowfax leading the way through meads and riverlands. Every time I looked at him, I realized that he was the greatest horse alive. Secretly, I was glad not to be riding him. I was rather afraid of the powerful stallion.

Sunset was beautiful seen from the back of Hasufel. My legs, however, were starting to hurt; I'd never ridden a horse for so long. Through dusk and into the night we rode. When at last Gandalf let us halt, I slid off the horse like a sack of meal and crawled off to the side. Drawing my cloak around me, I curled into a ball and attempted to sleep. Before I had fully drifted off, however, MEKESSG walked over to me and sat down.

"Well, Candy, I'm surprised you're still alive."

"So am I," I murmured, not in the mood for an argument.

"We have a lot to catch up on."

I groaned, "Will you please just let me sleep?"

"Fine," MEKESSG smiled and lay down beside me. "But tomorrow you're riding with me."

"Whatever," I mumbled, not really interested in the reasoning behind her change of heart.

Soon, way too soon, we were woken by the wizard. I scrambled onto MEKESSG's horse's back and held onto her waist, my eyelids drooping with exhaustion.

"Don't fall asleep," she warned me.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, she was oh so perfectly awake and alert.

"Ow!" I rubbed my shin, wincing. She'd pinched me!

"I told you not to fall asleep." Throughout the remainder of the night, she told me in unwanted detail all that had happened to the Fellowship since I'd jumped off the bridge – her version, anyways.

"What did Galadriel give you?" I asked, interrupting.

Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow showed me a beautiful gold necklace with a leaf pendant.

"And you?" she questioned. "Did the Lady give you anything?"

"Nope," I shrugged. "Just a cloak and a hair ribbon. Don't know why, though."

MEKESSG turned her head to give my tousled hair a look. "Mmhmm," she murmured through pursed lips.

At dawn, Legolas saw Edoras and Meduseld. As we rode on faster in the bright, clear morning, I listened to the music of the birds. We reached the stream and the walled hill.When Aragorn began to sing, I felt my heart race and longed to lose myself in the music of this people which I now heard. It was better than Phantom of the Opera or Pirates of the Caribbean. Here were songs I knew I could listen to forever and eternity.

At last we came to the walls and gates of Edoras. The guards cried to us in the tongue of the Riddermark. Gandalf answered. One guard spoke. Aragorn replied. It was irritating that I could not understand it. Finally, we followed the guard, walking in file behind him. At the top of a stone set of stairs sat other guards. Taller than mortal men they seemed.

Háma told us to lay aside our weapons. Obediently, I unsheathed my sword and dagger and handed them to him after Legolas and MEKESSG had done the same. Aragorn was hesitant until at last Glamdring was given to Háma as well.

"Does a flute count as a weapon?" I asked him after Gandalf had persuaded the guard to let him keep his staff.

The guards – and, indeed, my own companions – gave me questioning looks.

"I think not," said Háma quickly, not noticing the glint in my eyes. "You may go in."

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the shortness of the chappie. At least it's longer than the previous one. Don't forget to review. **

**And now, presenting once again my pet elf.**

**Legolas:struggles against bonds: **

**Authoress: watches with glee:**

**Legolas: I hate you!**

**Authoress: Better me than MEKESSG.**

**Candorien: Point.**

**Legolas: But I LOOOOOOOOOOVE her.**

**C & A: Yeah, right. **

**L: I DO!**

**C: Mmhmm. You just keep telling yourself that. We all know it's a bald-faced lie.**

**A:slaps Legolas across the face: Every time you say you love her, I'm going to hit you. Get it? Got it? Good.**

**L: PLEASE, SOMEBODY! HELP ME!**

**Navaer an si,**

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	19. PUPPPY! PUPPYPUPPYPUPPYPUPPY!

**Ames – No need to ask pardon on the capslock. I LOVE CAPSLOCK! IT'S MY FRIEND! Yeah…pizza and root beer and Legolas being sarcastic and cute…I'm high-per!**

**Adaneth – Sorry, but the bidding's over. Instead, I will take ideas of how she ought to die… Candorien's pleased to hear that she's your favorite heroine. It gives her ego a boost, and then she gets even CRAZIER. You have no idea how interesting that gets.**

**Slayer 3 – Why is everyone obsessed with me killing the Sue? Why should she even die for that matter? **

**Kay – One, why are you calling yourself Carlotta's evil twin? Two, do you like Èomer? Seriously? Wow. **

**Sushi-san85 – I think that you've just won an award for giving me the longest review. To reward you, I shall not report your COD and WOD to the authorities, no matter how much they torture me. What did Hecate say, by the way? **

**Tara – One NEVER hits someone with a flute. It's a waste of an expensive instrument. One merely plays an extremely high note close to their eardrum and watches them scream in pain. V. fun. **

**Kalanna – Hmm. I hear what you say and apologize for the length of my chapters. I try to make them long, but it doesn't always work out that way. **

**Me – Who says friends don't brainwash you:looks sheepish: I've done it several times. **

**Willowe – Yay! A new reader! I'm so happy! Once again, she will die when I say so. Not before. You people can just calm down and be patient. **

**Disclaimer: For the nineteenth time on this story, I own nothing! No Legolas, no Aragorn, no cute Rohirrim. I'm stuck with two OC's and a flute. Not fair. **

* * *

In the six of us walked. Past the beautiful tapestry of Eorl the Young, past the fire upon the hearth. We halted. There sat Thèoden. Behind him stood Èowyn, and before him sat Grima Wormtongue. He looked disgusting – Wormtongue, I mean, not Thèoden. Thèoden just looked old. 

I listened to the words between Thèoden, Grima, and Gandalf with fury. My hands clenched involuntarily, and my nails bit into my palms. Aragorn put a restraining hand on my shoulder. Our eyes met.

_Remain silent, _his eyes seemed to say. _That is the best course. _

I nodded. When Grima insulted Lorien however, I found it hart to be silent. MEKESSG sent me a pitying glance, and I ground my teeth, especially when I noticed her hand on Legolas's waist.

_That hussy! _I thought irritably. _That little hussy! _

Gandalf proclaimed his verse about Lorien, and suddenly things changed. He became white, and the hall became dark as night. Then the wizard spoke to Thèoden. As I listened and hope filled my heart, I realized that I, too, had begun to despair. The King came outside with Èowyn's help; she then turned to go back into the house. As she passed the doors, she looked back at us. Aragorn and Èowyn truly beheld each other for the first time, and then Èowyn turned once more and was gone. I watched with keen interest all that passed between Gandalf and Thèoden, listening and letting the sunlight bring peaceful joy to my soul.

Èomer was brought forth. Against my will, my mouth dropped open. He was handsome – much handsomer than the movie showed or what I'd imagined. I hurriedly shut my mouth – it wouldn't do to let everyone know my feelings. Instead, I looked at Wormtongue and felt comfortable disgust and disdain. When he spat at the king, my eyes narrowed in intense dislike. I was glad, indeed, of his going. Inside we went, and Shadowfax was given to Gandalf.

I found it amusing when they could find no armor or mail to fit me for a long while. At last Èowyn came out with a small smile on her face and handed me an old coat of mail. A shield and helmet I found, both sturdy and plain. I thought the jeweled stuff a bit flimsy, personally.

The king drank wine, and Èowyn then offered it to the rest of us. I took a very small sip, then viewed her interaction with Aragorn with interest. As she stepped off to the side, I followed.

"What is it you want, little girl?" she asked.

I thought. "A puppy," I answered with a grin.

Her mouth came open with shock, and then she smiled.

"That is an odd wish," she commented.

I put on my best begging face. It worked.

"But I don't see why it can't be arranged – if you'll answer a few questions for me," she smiled.

"Of course, my lady Èowyn."

Èowyn grabbed my hand and pulled me off into a hallway in the house.

"First, your name."

"Candorien. Can I pick the puppy?"

"Yes. Two, why are you and the other girl –"

"Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susanna Greenhow," I cut in.

She gaped. "That is a very long name."

"I know. Where're the puppies?"

"This way." She led me outside and to the stable. "Anyway, why are you two girls with those men?"

"I should have known this was coming," I muttered to myself and proceeded to tell her the whole, long, drawn-out tale. By the time I'd finished, we were standing outside a stall. Inside romped several puppies.

"Which one?" Èowyn asked me.

I looked carefully. They were all so soft, so cute.

"They're all very sweet," she assured me.

"In that case, I'll take the black one with the white spot."

"This one?"

"Yes."

The White Lady of Rohan reached into the stall and separated a puppy from the wriggling mess.

"Here you go, Candorien."

I held the puppy to me, cradling it carefully.

"Is it old enough?"

"Oh, yes. It eats anything, and it won't mess if you're holding it. Any more questions?" She grinned.

"No."

"Then we had better get back."

I slipped the puppy in between my tunic and undershirt. Èowyn watched, looking amused.

"I'm ready," I told her.

She just shook her head and led the way back to the main hall where everyone else was talking.

"Are you really going to carry the puppy like that all the way to wherever it is you're going?" she asked just before we rejoined the company.

"Er… I have no clue, actually," I confessed.

"Here." Èowyn took my pack from me and pulled a few things out of it. "I'm sure we can slide the puppy in here. Mind if I take these dresses out? I can keep them in the hall, somewhere, and I'm sure you won't need them. These texts as well. You're only a girl of thirteen, and I doubt you'll be able to find time for reading."

"I'm fourteen, I think," I mumbled and began to cry softly. My birthday was in February and had been passed with no celebration. Fourteen, a sort of coming of age, and I had not been with my old friends and family. I hadn't go skating, as I usually did, or curled up in bed with my cat as I read a new novel. No, as best as I could remember, I had spent my fourteenth birthday healing and being bored in Lorien.

"What's wrong?" she asked kindly as I pulled the puppy from my tunic and held it to my cheek, crying.

"I miss my home," I choked out.

"There, there." Èowyn patted my shoulder gingerly, as if entirely new to the action. "Stop that. It's all right. Besides, you'll squish Changeling."

"Changeling?" I wondered.

"Changeling. That's her name."

"Aw." I held Changeling up to my eyes. "She's so precious. Why's her name Changeling?"

"Because she's different from the others," Èowyn explained. "Both in color and behavior."

"I love her," I declared as Èowyn slipped Changeling into my back and drew the top shut.

"I'm glad of it. Come on." She took my hand. "You don't want them to leave without you, do you?"

"Actually…"

"Candorien!"

We had come back to the hall. MEKESSG ran across to us and clasped me to her bosom. Literally. I'd forgotten how much taller she was. Sighing, I pushed her away and bowed to Èowyn. The White Lady of Rohan nodded to me in return, and I skipped out of the hall and down the steps, knocking over a few Riders and Legolas in my haste. My bounding movement was ended by two firm hands grasping my shoulders.

"Ello, poppet!" I called to Aragorn as I looked up into his face with a zany grin. "Mind letting me go?"

"Do you mind restraining yourself?" the Ranger hissed.

I remembered Changeling in my bag and feared he would crush her – or worse, notice her.

"I'm sorry," I apologized hurriedly.

"Yes, well, take these." He handed me my weapons.

"Oh. I forgot those, didn't I?"

The Ranger nodded, watching me sheathe my blades with careful eyes.

"Well, hannon le. Now, if you'll excuse me …"

I attempted to get away, but he, having let go of my shoulders, grabbed my wrist.

"Ow," I moaned. "Let go!"

"As I recall," said Aragorn softly, "you are riding with me. I am not willing to have to go fetch you and trouble myself unnecessarily. You are staying with me."

"Good idea," commented Èomer, coming up behind us with Legolas, Gimli, and MEKESSG in tow. "She tends to knock people over."

I winced, realizing that Èomer must have been one of my victims as I'd rushed down the stairs.

"Sorry."

"All is forgiven," sighed both Legolas and Èomer.

The latter continued, "And that is as it should be, for the six of us are to ride together."

I raised an eyebrow.

He responded to my questioning look. "The lady Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow has returned her horse to our stables."

_Okay, _I thought. _Now why would she do that? Oh, of course. So she can ride with Legolas. That's just … sick. Ah, well. I wouldn't want to ride with her anyways. She'd likely squish Changeling, and goodness knows I, at least, just couldn't stand that._

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note: A matter of great urgency and annoyance has come to my attention. About 52 of you have this story on alert, and I only got 18 reviews for this chapter. What's up with that? Why do you hate me so? If you want this authoress not to take a month between updates, review. Hannon le, mellyn nin.**

**Authoress: And now, for the fourth time so far, let me introduce my loverly pet elf Legolas Thranduilion!**

**Legolas: And let me introduce you to the writer with a dirty room and a dirty little mind.**

**A: But at least my mind's cleaner than my room, right?**

**L:raises eyebrows: Sure. Whatever. WILL YOU LET ME OUT NOW?**

**A: Of course not. Where would the fun be in that?**

**L: Great. You know, you were rather rude to your reviewers. Why are you so mean?**

**A: They know I didn't mean it - or they ought to. I'm just in an odd mood right now.**

**L: Obviously.**

**A: Buh-bye now, people! I've got some poking of Legolas to do :pokes elf repeatedly:**

**L: HELP ME! HELP ME! OW! THAT WAS MY STOMACH! **


	20. They Caught Me

**Ames – Fine. I shall stop asking for reviews. I shall just do terrible things and give cliffies. What?**

**Me – That's a very good idea. I thank you.**

**Sushi-san85 – The SPPDOTCC (The Society for the Prevention of People Doing Odd Things to Canon Characters). What other authorities? And I was talking about the authorities torturing me, not the COD and WOD. Èowyn's going to warm up a bit, and I'm sorry if that part didn't make sense. It didn't really make sense to me, either. I ought to have fixed it. Maybe I will later. The Witch King cannot come scare my pet. I'll get in trouble with SPCE (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Elves). I'm already on their bad side.**

**Willowe - :sigh: He isn't supposed to, but I guess it comes off that way. I'll have to fix that.**

**Rayn…the insane – Sadly, the Sue is proving see-through-proof. Maybe I should toss an invisibility cloak at her. Think it'd work?**

**Tara – Because I highly doubt that Middle-earth has hyenas. Not in Rohan, at least.**

**Kay – You are not Carlotta's evil twin, and that's all I shall say on the matter.**

**Alasse Irena – Well, mostly for fun, but several things shall happen with the puppy.**

**Adaneth – No. No one is allowed a puppy. THAT IS FINAL!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned all this, do you seriously think I'd be 'Authoressinhiding'? Au contraire, ladies and gents. I own nothing.**

**Author's Note: Sorry for barking at you guys. You are fantabulous readers and reviewers (when you bother) and my outburst was childish and immature. Forgive me.**

* * *

"Candorien, stop that," Aragorn ordered an hour into the ride.

"Stop what?" I asked innocently. In truth I wasn't actually doing anything besides holding my pack – and Changeling – in my lap. I feared that she might fall out if I strapped it to my back.

"Stop whatever it is you're doing." The Ranger turned his head and saw the bag wedged between his back and my stomach. "What is in that bag?"

"Nothing," I replied, removing one arm from around his waist to slide my hand inside the pack. Blindly, I stroked Changeling's tiny head.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Because 'nothing' is sharp."

"Oh, I might have an eating knife in there," I said, trying to move Changeling so her claws weren't digging into his skin.

He looked skeptical but made no other comment for a while.

Half an hour later, however, Changeling moved violently, and I had to reach down with my other hand to make sure she didn't fall off Hasufel to what would surely have been her death.

"Candorien, did something in your bag just move?" Aragorn wondered, sounding slightly worried as he considered all the different live things I might have stowed away. "Is there something alive in that pack of yours?"

Legolas, Èomer, Gimli, and MEKESSG turned to look at the little dram unfolding upon the back of the gray stallion.

"No," I lied. If they found Changeling, they'd likely refuse to let me keep her. I was NOT going to let that happen. "There isn't anything – alive or dead – in my bag that shouldn't be." That was true. According to those who knew about her (myself and Èowyn), Changeling was exactly where she ought to be.

Just then, my lovely little puppy barked. It wasn't very loud, just a small yip. It still caused the four people nearby and Aragorn to look at me.

"Candorien," Aragorn began wearily, but I interrupted him.

"Legolas! What is that in your quiver? Are you holding an animal prisoner? Shame."

They all looked from me to Legolas and back to me again.

"Candorien," Aragorn said slowly and with deliberate calmness, "take the living creature out of your bag."

I sighed and gently opened the neck of my pack before pulling Changeling out by the scruff of her neck. As I closed the bag and slid my arms one by one through the strap, I held Changeling under my chin, trying not to squish her more than necessary.

Gimli, MEKESSG, and Èomer just looked shocked at the sight of the small black puppy. Legolas and Aragorn sighed as Changeling protested my treatment of her. Loudly. She yipped several times, causing the nearby riders to give me some very strange looks – even in my eyes. It was also evident to me that I was soon going to pass my daily strange-look quota. That made me extremely happy.

I set Changeling in my lap and was pleasantly surprised – and hurt – when she dug her little nails into my thighs and maintained her balance as I hung onto Aragorn's shoulder with one hand and put my other hand on her back.

"You have a puppy?" Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow asked upon recovering her tongue.

"Yup," I smiled. "Oh no!" Changeling almost fell, but I caught her. "We'd better find a good place for you to stay."

"Candorien, no!" Aragorn exclaimed hastily. "Don't put the puppy …"

But he was too late. I had already tucked Changeling into the hood of his cloak.

"Candorien," Legolas sighed, observing both the grin on my face the look of slight frustration on Aragorn's. "Candorien …"

"Candorien, Candorien," Gimli finished.

And then, "WHY DO YOU HAVE A PUPPY?" all five of them yelled at me.

"The better to torment you with, my dears," I cackled. "OW!"

Aragorn had pinched my leg, rather hard.

"What were you thinking?" MEKESSG asked.

"Don't tell me. Èowyn gave it to you," Èomer moaned.

"How did you …" I began.

"No need to ask. I know my sister," the Third Marshall of Riddermark sighed.

"Oh."

Changeling put her wee front paws on Aragorn's neck and sniffed the air, looking to and fro. Suddenly she caught sight of MEKESSG and began barking loudly and angrily.

_Good puppy, _I though, stroking my dog's back and watching her tail move quickly. _You hate HER just as much as I do._

"Candorien, put the dog back in your bag," Aragorn choked out through clenched teeth.

"Why?" I asked lazily, enjoying my puppy's behavior.

"One, its claws are digging into my neck. Two, your movement back there is too erratic for either myself or Hasufel to be at ease. And three, she's being extremely noisy."

He was proven right at that moment by a shout from Gandalf up ahead.

"Candorien, make your puppy be quiet, or I'll take it away."

"Mine!" I growled, yet I put the puppy back in my bag the same way I had taken her out and then slung the pack on my back again. Changeling would not be content with that, however and soon wriggled her head out, followed by one foreleg and then the other. She placed them on my neck, and I winced.

"Ouch. Sorry, milord for putting you through this pain," I told Aragorn sorrowfully.

"So you're experiencing your own tortures? Fitting," Gimli murmured.

"Apology accepted," Aragorn replied.

The battle of Helm's Deep was cool – or so I thought until the orcs came, a sea of black on the horizon. Then I panicked. Changeling followed me as I ran, screaming, across the battlements. Back and forth I tore, yelling, hollering, and crying aloud. I knocked over several people, neither noticing nor caring as I came upon one of them stumbling to get to his feet. Instead, I leapt over him and ran on.

I heard a commanding voice call, "It would be a blessing if Candorien could sleep," and everything went black.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, sad to say, my pet ran away. So, until I find a new pet elf, there will be no poking. I'm upset. Ah, well. Don't forget to leave a review. If not, a terrible cliffy will appear very soon.**

**I remain, sincerely yours, Authoressinhiding.**


	21. Sitting Down Hyper

**Rayn … the insane – She has some orc issues which you'll hear more about later. **

**Ames – Why, thank you! I am doing so this minute. **

**HinataSakura – Yes, she is. **

**Sushi-san85 – I'm sorry 'bout that. Thanks for all the compliments. I wish you the best of luck with getting a fell beast. Last time I threatened to get one Legolas had an apoplectic fit. It was VERY interesting. **

**Liv – Who? MEKESSG? She's a girl. And Changeling isn't big enough to eat people. She could probably nibble off an ear or so, though. **

**Pippin – 'Twas at church camp, and I'm a lazy updater with this story anyways. But I'll try harder. **

**Slayer3 – :grins: Glad you're enjoying it. **

**Alasse Irena – Only halfway finished, as you'll see if you scroll down. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. New Line has forced me to say that. They actually threatened to torture me this time… they're getting annoyed. **

* * *

"Wha…wha…what happened?" I asked groggily after coming to.

A warm tongue slid over my nose. I opened my eyes and saw Changeling

"Gerroff me, mutt," I murmured, picking the puppy up and moving her away from my face. Sitting up, I asked again, "What happened?"

"Someone became very upset," Théoden said dryly, offering me a hand and pulling me up.

"Me?"

He nodded.

"Why, it couldn't have been," I thought aloud.

"It was. Why exactly did you panic, young woman?" The king moved over to his cold stone chair and sat, smiling kindly at me.

"Well," I began. "Ow! Changeling, stop that!" I placed the biting puppy on the hard floor and sucked on my injured finger. "I have a phobia of orcs that reared its ugly head for the first time tonight."

"Is that so?" the king asked as a messenger ran in through a door and whispered to him quietly.

Sighing, I took my puppy and pack into a corner where Changeling and I played happily for an hour or so.

"Fetch," I whispered to her and tossed a tiny scrap of leather across the floor. It bounced off Théoden's shin and, a moment later, Changeling slammed into him as well, grabbing the leather in her teeth and trotting proudly back to me, one ear inside out.

"Good girl," I crooned, flipping her ear the right way out and taking the leather strip from her. I tossed the makeshift toy again and watched with glee as she slipped and slid across the floor, knocking into everything as she went.

"That is a very clumsy animal," the king commented to one of his guards as Changeling bumped into two others at once.

"She'll grow out of it, I hope," the soldier replied.

Théoden sighed. "If she doesn't, I fear for the safety of us all."

Just then, another messenger came running in and whispered to Théoden. Aragorn followed him seconds later with many more of the defenders. The horses were brought forth. Up I scrambled behind Aragorn, reflecting that my mounting had become better. Securely fastened in my bag, Changeling whimpered softly.

"Hold on to my waist," murmured Aragorn. "Draw your sword and **try** not to kill anyone on accident."

And with that, we rode forth to the Dike. I clung to the Ranger and did my best not to make Hasufel trip and fall. Instead of the green dale, in the Deeping-Coomb a great forest now existed.

"Whoa," I mumbled disbelievingly at the grand sight.

"Too bad you didn't fight in the battle, Candy," laughed Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow. "I saved Legolas's life several times."

I twitched, longing to shove a putrid sock into her mouth. I couldn't bear the smugness in her voice. It was oozing, dripping, gooey, and sickenly saccharine. Homicide did indeed come to mind.

Fortunately, at that moment Gandalf, Erkenbrand, and 1,000 foot soldiers showed up. All thought of springing from my horse to behead MEKESSG vanished from my mind in the hours that followed. Instead, I became a terror. How you ask? Well, one word tells it all. Hyper. High-per.

Unlike most of the others, I had been either unconscious or bored during most of the battle. Now, in the morning sun, I was bouncing off the walls – literally.

"Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!" I hollered, skipping along the ramparts and hitting several rather sleepy soldiers on accident. They got angry, and I ran. After I'd been doing this for half an hour, my shoulders were grabbed from behind by familiar hands.

"The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain," I giggled, bending my head back to look up at Aragorn.

He released me with an exasperated look on his face. I spun around drunkenly and began to sing a song about root beer. Aragorn quickly put a stop to my noise. Sighing, the Ranger clapped a hand over my mouth and frog marched me down to Gandalf's camp. There, he presented me to the wizard.

"Do not let her out of your sight," he warned rather unnecessarily, for Gandalf was used to my … insanity. "I'm going to rest." Finished speaking, he left.

"I like eggs," I sang. "Eggses like me. But, I eat them. Haha for me."

"Candorien," the wizard shook his head, "you are incorrigible. Sit down by Shadowfax and stay put."

I smiled, knowing full well I could be just as hyper sitting as standing.

"Yes, your wizardness." I sat.

Soon, Changeling and I were playing fetch again. As I threw her leather toy as far as I could, an idea came. It was lovely and tricksy and mischievous.

"Darling," I whispered to my canine companion. "Changeling, go find the loveliest beings around." I knew she would pick Legolas and MEKESSG. Anyone who could see would. "Take something from each of them and bring it back," I directed, not sure if she understood or not. A voice in the back of my head told me it was the latter and that I was being very foolish, indeed. As usual, I ignored it.

Changeling gave me a curious look, her head cocked to one side, her tail wagging, and her little pink tongue sticking out. Then she trotted off, head close to the ground. It seemed as if she was tracking something. I laughed softly to myself.

My dear puppy returned fifteen minutes later, dragging a gold chain – MEKESSG's necklace! – and carrying a button in her teeth. My faithful dog dropped both items before me and sat back on my haunches, waiting expectantly. With a grin, I pulled a piece of dried meat from my belt pouch and offered it to her. The puppy took it, swallowed it, and resumed her begging position.

"Good girl," I murmured. "You must be really smart. Hmmm." I gave Changeling an odd look. Just how smart was she? The fact that she had understood what I'd said was slightly scary.

_OK, _I thought to myself. _I've got these things. Now, what to do with them? Ah, yes! It comes. The idea comes. _

And I knew what to do. Hasufel and Arod grazed quietly beside Shadowfax – only feet from where I sat. Glancing around, I noticed that Gandalf was talking to someone and not paying attention to me. I popped up, grabbing both necklace and button. Trying extremely hard not to start singing my theme music (Secret Agent Man at that particular moment), I scurried over to Arod. The horse snorted at the sight of Changeling at my heels but allowed me to approach nevertheless.

Speedily, nervously, I wound the necklace into his mane. The button ended up in his tail after I found some cord in the bottom of my bag. With the same cautious speed, I raced back to my previous spot, settled onto the grass, and looked around hastily. Whew! Gandalf was still talking. I was home free.

_Why did you do that? _asked the voice in the back of my head.

_Because I felt spiteful, _I replied, picking up Changeling's leather scrap and tossing it.

_But you shouldn't! You ought to be nice and kind and well behaved. _

_ Conscience, that isn't me, and you know it. _

_ Well, maybe it should be! And maybe you should try to get home! _

_I'll get home when I get home! _I yelled at my conscience. _ Stop bugging me about it! _

_ Fine. You're going to wish you'd listened to me, though._

I pulled my knees up to my chin, thoroughly miserable and homesick now. I missed my family and friends, and a sick feeling was begging to come over me. What if I **never** got home? What if I passed my life in Middle-earth: growing up, marrying a man of Rohan or Gondor, and dying far away from my own, real, home? I began to cry, burying my face in my knees and ignoring Changeling's soft, wet nose pressing into my hand.

**

* * *

**

**Author'sNote:There's your next chapter. Review, and I'll try to update sooner. And now, I would like you all to meet my returned pet elf, Legolas Thranduilion.**

**Legolas::hides under bed:**

**Authores: Sorry 'bout him. The fan-girls, Suethors, and Sues sent him crawling back within 24 hours of running away. 'Twas very funny. There is no poking anymore, as he's been having a nervous breakdown since my last update. A bit annoying, really.**

**Navaer an si,**

**Authoressinhiding**


	22. A Bit of Comraderie and Poking

**Sushi-san85 – I have no ideas for the name of your fell-beast. Mine's named Tirion. Thanks for loving the story. I refuse to try voodoo, as the last time Legolas caught me trying, he almost beheaded me. I swear, elves are so infuriatingly superstitious sometimes!**

**Tara – For the last time, I will kill her when _I _feel like it and not before. Savvy?**

**Slayer3 – You, not a scary fan-girl? Yeah, right! Don't believe that one.**

**Me – Your wish is my eventual command.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd be displaying it. You'd see my name in lights. As you don't, one can only surmise that I DON'T own it. Sadly. **

* * *

Thankfully, by the time everyone else was ready to leave for Isengard, my tears had dried, and I was standing cheerfully beside Hasufel, Changeling's little head peering out from behind my lank hair.

"I'm ready!" I announced to a tired-looking Aragorn and company.

Gimli commented dryly, "So we see."

MEKESSG took a look around and sucked her teeth moodily – but in a pretty way, of course. "We're going to need another horse."

"Very well," said Aragorn.

"Candorien and I shall ride it together," she declared.

"Anything for you, meleth nin," Legolas told her sappily.

Urgh. I felt like vomiting at the tone of his voice. It was **that** sickly sweet.

Half an hour later, we were riding along. MEKESSG and I were being carried by one of the finer spare horses.

"I like my cat, and he is fat," I warbled at random.

"Candorien, be quiet!" yelled several people including Aragorn, Legolas, MEKESSG, Gimli, Èomer, Thèoden, and Gandalf.

Well! They obviously didn't appreciate good music.

We rode to the fords of Isen and then onwards, spending the night camped beside the road. The next day we reached the Wizard's Vale. Merry and Pippin welcomed us with fine words, though I was half-asleep at the time and remembered little of what they said after. Aragorn, Legolas, MEKESSG, Gimli, and myself dismounted and joined them for a spot of lunch or second breakfast or whatever that meal was called.

_Food! _I thought, viewing their cups and plates with envy. _Food!_

Quickly, we climbed up into one of the guardhouses and ate. Merry and Pippin told us their tale, and we listened to it with relish.

'Wanna smoke?" Pippin asked me at one point, offering me his pipe.

"Er, no thank you."

The hobbit shrugged, "Suit yourself," and went back to smoking.

Legolas and MEKESSG both shot me approving looks, but I ignored them, munching on my bread and sausage.

"So, lads, what mischief 'ave you been up to?" I asked at length, the evil glint born of plotting in my eyes.

'None," replied Meriadoc mournfully. "We haven't had the chance. You?"

I smiled, my eyes half-closing and top lip curling upwards. "Oh, a little here, a puppy there." I took Changeling from my bag and held her in my lap. "A bit of petty thievery and horse grooming."

"So it was you!" Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow shrieked. "You stole my necklace and put it on Arod! Not to mention Legolas's button!"

"'Cha," I answered with a very smug look on my face.

Aragorn blew out a large cloud of smoke, and Gimli sighed resignedly.

"You little!" she hollered, leaping to her feet and running at me.

"Arf! Arf arf! Arf-arf arf!"

Changeling sprang from my lap and raced to MEKESSG, growling and yipping. She bit my nemesis on the ankle.

"OW!" MEKESSG screamed and fell theatrically, only to be caught by Legolas before she hit the ground.

_Darn! That ruined the effect! _I thought and then, _Uh oh!_

Legolas, carrying MEKESSG, turned on me. "You!" he hissed.

I backed up rapidly, very much scared. When Legolas got angry – and he looked angry – things were dangerous for all involved.

"You hurt my love," the elf growled, advancing on me.

I tried to back away further, but couldn't. There was nowhere left to run. I was doomed.

Thankfully, Merry and Pippin interceded.

"Easy, Legolas," they soothed, hopping up and rushing over to him. "Calm down. We're sure she didn't mean any harm."

"Harm!" the elf spat venomously. "Harm! That little minx and her pet hurt my darling Mary Elizabeth!"

"It was unintentional, I assure you," I told him sincerely. "Changeling thought she was attacking me. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I took those things and antagonized Mary Elizabeth. My dog was just protecting me. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

This unexpected apology from me caught them off guard. Legolas slowly lowered MEKESSG to the ground, and both of them surveyed me curiously. Gimli choked on his smoke, and Aragorn chuckled softly. Merry and Pip sent me odd looks. They, too, were surprised by my behavior. It was most unlike me to apologize and seek forgiveness. I let my most sorrowful look slide over my face.

Suddenly, Legolas smiled and clapped me on the shoulder. MEKESSG grinned.

"You're forgiven," they told me, and all was well – at least for now. Of course, MEKESSG and I would get at each other's throats again, but for now we were ok.

"What was that all about?" Pip whispered as we sat down again.

"Wasn't it obvious?" Merry murmured back. "Candorien here did something Lady Mary disliked, so she got mad, then Changeling bit her, then Legolas got overly protective and almost attacked her – Candorien, not Changeling, I mean. We jumped in to save her, but she apologized, so everything's fine now," he finished quickly. "Get it?"

"Got it," replied Pippin.

"Good."

"I think I've been a bad influence on you two," I laughed as we set off towards Orthanc with Gandalf and company.

"You're a bad influence on everyone," Merry commented.

I bowed deeply. "Thank you, my good man – er, hobbit. Thank you."

"Hate to say this, lass," Gimli muttered in my ear, "but he's right for once."

"And I'm _so_ glad of it," I giggled, begging to skip.

To my surprise, the hobbits stopped me this time, instead of Aragorn.

"Walk carefully," they warned. "The ground is unstable. Watch out for loose slabs."

"Please do, Candy," simpered MEKESSG, "we wouldn't want you to fall into a pit now, would we?"

_Of course you would, _I thought grimly. _You'd like it if I fell into a pit and died or was tortured by orcs, wouldn't you, Lady Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow?_

"It would be funny," I said aloud, though perhaps a reply wasn't needed. "That is until I couldn't get out or broke my leg or sommat. Then it would be a problem."

"Candorien," Aragorn sighed and paused.

Èomer finished for him, "You are a **very** strange girl. Exceedingly odd."

"Am I diverting?" I wondered.

"Sometimes," Gandalf answered for him. "But now is not the time to discuss it."

We had reached the bottom of Orthanc by then, so I shut my pie hole and said nothing through the whole meeting until we were riding towards the Deep again.

I sighed to MEKESSG, "I'm getting bored. What do you recommend I do?"

"Count up to a thousand, look at the scenery, but don't go to sleep."

"Why?"

"You'll fall off. Someone with my balance or Legolas's or even Aragorn's or Gandalf's might manage it, but not you. You're too clumsy, Candy. You'd fall off really soon."

"Great." I groaned and decided to take her advice for once. After counting up to five hundred and back in Spanish, however, I was bored once again, so I pulled Changeling from my back and began to stroke her pensively.

"Legolas?" I asked curiously.

"Yes," he replied.

"Can you speak to dogs?"

The elf shot me an odd look and glanced from me to MEKESSG and back to me again. "Yes," he answered quietly and urged Arod over to our mount. I held Changeling out to him, and Legolas took her carefully. Setting her on his lap, he whispered softly into her tiny ear and listened as she yipped, barked, and whined quietly in reply. At last he handed her back to me with a smile.

"She says you're very nice, though a bit odd, and she wouldn't mind a bit more food."

In front of me, MEKESSG laughed lightly and smiled at Legolas lovingly.

"Dig in my pack, Candy," she directed. "You'll find some jerky for your little carling in there."

Changeling wrinkled her nose as if she understood what she'd been called and didn't much like it.

"Hannon le," I murmured and began to search. Upon finding the jerky, I tore some of it into little pieces and fed them to my puppy. Changeling yipped excitedly, and Legolas laughed.

"What'd she say?" asked Gimli and Pippin. They, being nearby, had become interested in the dog-whispering going on over by Arod and MEKESSG's horse.

The elf laughed harder before regaining his composure. "She says it could have been better and that you really ought to brush your hair."

I flushed, rather embarrassed, at that one. My hair was, admittedly, a mess, but why did my own puppy have to comment on it?

"Don't worry, Candorien. It isn't that bad," Aragorn assured me, very older-brotherly.

"How bad is it?" I whispered in MEKESSG's ear. She, I knew, would always be painfully honest.

"It's a mess," she told me tartly. "It needs to be washed _several _times."

"Great," I muttered to myself, running a hand over my tangled mane. "Just great."

Everyone else began to laugh, and I sighed. Once again I was providing amusement for others at my own expense. This time I wasn't even quite sure why. _Oh, well, _I sighed again. _At least they aren't poking me._

Pippin chose that moment to jab a small hobbit-finger deep into my side. Ow! I had been proven wrong again.

* * *

**Author's Note: And that's the last chapter before I go on vacation. Yes, folks, that's right, I'll be gone. Two weeks, with little to no computer. Going to Idaho and Yellowstone. So, see you when I get back. Hope you give melotsof reviewsso I can be happy when I gethomeon the 22nd! **

**Legolas: Yes! She'll be gone! I could cry forjoy.**

**Authoress: Do I need tocall those fan-girls?'Cause I can MAKE you cry, elf-boy.**

**Legolas: HELP ME!**

**A: laughs insanely There's no help for you now, unless MEKESSGshould come to save you. Andif she did, I'd get her with the Mithril Spork of Doom and thenuse her for swirly practice.**

**L: NO!**

**A: Yes!And now, my dear readers, I must leave you and go find aSueto use as a surrogate during swirly practice, as MEKESSG has notyet shown. She fled when Ifirst attempted topracticeone her, many moons ago.**


	23. Crushing Trouble

**Liv – I'm glad you find it funny.**

**Sushi-san85 – Well, the story can't be funny all the time. I want Aragorn's interactions with Candorien to seem older-brotherly. Glad it's starting to look that way.**

**Ames – Yes, Pirates. I've seen it twice now. You?**

**Me – I'll try.**

**JuMiKu – Thanks. I had an awesome vaca.**

**Alasse Irena – I'll try to.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides the Extended Edition DVDs, the books, and two posters. That's it. The characters, sadly, are Tolkien's. I just took them out for a spin.**

**Unfortunately, upon being poked, I squealed rather loudly.**

* * *

"Aha!" Pippin cried with an evil light in his eyes.

_Oh, bugger, _I thought worriedly. _Uh oh. Not good. Not good!_

Poke!

"Ow!" It had been Gimli that time.

Poke!

"Éomer!"

The others were riding past in a circle: Arod, Firefoot, and Hasufel last. As they got near to me, one of the horse's passengers dug his fingers into my side, back, and stomach. There came an especially hard poke, and I saw red.

"Aragorn!" I shrieked furiously.

He laughed and rode out of arms reach.

"Evil little king-to-be," I muttered darkly. "You ought to be – ow!"

"Don't threaten your king," Éomer advised, riding away on Firefoot.

"This is great, just great," I murmured to myself.

When at last we camped, I slid off the horse and hugged my bruised, battered body. I **NEVER** wanted to experience a ride like that **EVER** again. I was extremely surprised that I had managed to stay on behind MEKESSG. Of all my "friends", she alone had refrained from jabbing me with a finger. It was both gratifying and annoying.

As the others lay down, I lingered in the throes of a grim uncertainty: where ought I go? The Riders were all grouped together by Théoden. Gimli, Aragorn, and Gandalf were close to them, as were Legolas and MEKESSG. The hobbits lay together a short while off. At last I made up my mind and ventured over to Merry and Pip. Casually, I bedded down between them and the others, flipping over onto my stomach and using my pack as a pillow. Changeling circled a small piece of ground beside my right shoulder thrice before lying down. I cast my cloak over the both of us and fell into the sweet black oblivion of sleep.

My void was cruelly cut short by a hobbit's cry and Changeling's low, urgent bark. Automatically, I pushed myself to my feet and grabbed both my bag and my distressed pet. The whole camp was in uproar. For a minute of so, I started at the Riders rushing to saddle their mounts and the quiet council going on a fair bit away blankly.

_OH! _I thought as the light bulb of understanding came on in my mind. _Pippin must have messed with the Palantir! Why didn't I stop him?_

_Because you were dreaming about David Wenham and drooling,_ a voice in the back of my mind said dryly.

_Shush!_ I told it angrily, for what it said was true, and I wasn't quite comfortable with that.

"Candorien, we're riding soon," MEKESSG told me about a half hour later. Watching Shadowfax spring away into the darkness, I did not at first reply.

"Candorien!" She snapped her fingers under my nose. "Candorien!"

"Aye," I replied, "that's my name. What is it?"

"We are riding," she told me once more.

"That's lovely," I murmured absently.

"Candorien, you are riding with Aragorn."

A light of revenge shone in my eyes.

"And no poking," the Ranger in question ordered, coming up with Hasufel in tow. "Mount up."

"What about Changeling?" I asked.

"In the bag."

With a loud sigh, I slipped the wriggling canine into my pack and pulled myself up behind the saddle. Aragorn leapt up, and MEKESSG mounted her own horse with Merry clinging to her. Legolas and Gimli came riding up, and soon we were off.

"Candorien, do not poke me!" Aragorn growled a few minutes into the ride.

"Not poking," I murmured drowsily. "Sleeping. You should try it."

Changeling yipped softly, as if to affirm my declaration.

"How can she sleep?" Gimli wondered with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"She's squishing me," Aragorn choked.

I nodded slowly. It was true. I had my arms locked in a death grip around his waist, and my head was comfortably settled on the small of his back. "Comfy," I muttered.

"Do you have any idea where your pillow has been?" Legolas asked me with an amused smile.

"Comfy," I repeated, very hobbit-like, and started to drift off. Before long, I was fast asleep. I woke when we stopped – and I fell off. Let me put it more plainly. I woke when I fell off because we had stopped.

"Mmrowph!" I called out as I slid over sideways.

Hasufel turned his head to look at me. Aragorn, who had been dismounting when I fell, tossed me my bag. I think he'd grabbed it when I'd started to slide off. Changeling squirmed out of the bag and set to licking my face.

Several people started laughing, which irked me, so I attempted to stand up. As luck would have it, I couldn't.

"Ow," I moaned, sinking back to the ground.

"Here." Someone offered me their hand and pulled me to my feet.

"Thank ye," I muttered and finally looked at the person's face. Wham! It felt like I'd just run into a train. "Thank ye, Elladan."

I picked up Changeling and mounted Hasufel as Aragorn spoke in whispers with his kinsman.

_Halbarad, _my exhausted mind told me while my battered body protested the swing into the saddle.

"I am dead," I murmured into Aragorn's shoulder when we had at last set out again.

"You shouldn't have fallen asleep," he scolded.

Puppy in my lap, I nodded and held on tight to keep my balance. All the while, worried thoughts flashed through my head. The Grey Company had 30 handsome Rangers, not to mention the sons of Elrond, who were **very** good-looking. How was I going to manage my fan-girly-ness? How would I keep myself from getting a huge crush? What if, worst of all, I fell in love?

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry it's so short. I just got back from vaca. I have an awesome pirate hat, like Will's in the first movie, only the trim is silver, and the accent on the crown is smaller. IT'S REALLY COOL! As always, reviews are desired.**

**My pet is not able to talk right now, as he is being taught swordsmanship by a certain brunette pirate. Erik is working on an opera based on their actions. I find the entire thing annoying.**


	24. Ice Cold Wakeup

**Slayer3 – Loving the Mithril Spork of Doom. There will be no romance, if I can help it.**

**Kay – There's nothing wrong with sleep! I do it all the time!**

**Disclaimer: Legolas is mine! I have battled the Sue and won! She couldn't take it when I started singing….very few people can. A friend or two, but not that many people. MEEP! -is attacked by people from New Line- Fine. I don't own anything. Meanies.**

* * *

The night we spent at Helm's Deep with the Grey Company had to be one of the most miserable of my life. As soon as we dismounted and left the horses, I grabbed Merry and ran. 

"What's going on?" my curly-headed hobbit friend asked curiously.

"If I tell you, will you promise to keep it a secret?"

"Of course," he replied without hesitating. "But why are we hiding in a storeroom?"

"My innate hungry-teenager senses led me to it," I responded, deadpan. "There's some pipeweed and a few apples over in that corner." Before I could specify exactly which corner, however, he had already opened the barrel, snatched a handful of weed, offered some to me, stuffed it in his pipe, lit it, and bit into an apple.

Sitting on a flour sack, I stared in dumb amazement. Wow. Not even I was that fast.

"'Ere. Shut your mouth and have an apple." Merry pressed a piece of fruit into my hand.

Weakly, I took a bite. For an apple several months old, it was surprisingly tasty.

"Now, what are you upset about?"

So I told him, quickly and succinctly. At the end of my confession, he leaned back, putting his feet on the half-filled barrel of pipeweed.

"You are saying that you've fallen in love with one of the sons of Elrond?" he queried lazily.

I nodded and smiled bashfully. "Yeah."

"Whoah. That's high, Candorien. Very high."

"I know," I replied morosely. "Believe me, I know. That's why we're in here. I want to avoid him."

Merry thought for a moment. As he pondered, the ridiculousness of the situation finally dawned on me. I, a teenage human girl, was asking a brave but somewhat ignorant hobbit about a crush on someone of the lineage of Luthien. Why did I always have crushes like this?

"I recommend you get over it," Merry said at last.

I sighed. That was a problem. Usually, when I had a crush I needed to get over, I'd watch a movie or slideshow with one of my favorite actors in it. This time, however, there was nothing Orlando Bloom or David Krumholtz around. Besides, Elladan was so much sexier. Yes, I just called Elladan Elrondion sexy. Let's move on, shall we?

"I don't know how," I finally told him.

Merry raised an eyebrow. "That's not good. Hmmm. Well, if you don't know how, I don't, either."

Changeling, who had been running around tearing open bags and eating random dry foods, sat down beside my right leg and belched. It was very interesting. I'd never heard a dog belch like that before. Merry and I glanced at each other, and we both burst out laughing.

"I think I'll manage," I said when we'd recovered from our insane merriment. "If I do anything, erm, embarrassing, will you tell me?" I asked.

"Of course," Merry replied with perfect equity.

"Thanks."

We spent the rest of the night dashing from storeroom to storeroom, making messes in each. At last, Merry could keep his eyes open no longer. At his request, we moved along to where some of our companions were sleeping. There, both of us cast ourselves to the ground. Within minutes, we were asleep.

"Not waking," I murmured as voices and hands tried to rouse me. They were not going to succeed. No! I was a teenage girl, and I required my sleep. The floor might not provide the most comfortable bed, but I really didn't care.

_Sleep!_ My mulish mind moaned miserably. _Sleep! We wants it, Precious, and we shall have it!_

"Come on, Candorien," I heard someone sigh in frustration. Probably Legolas. MEKESSG would have simpered, Merry'd have kicked me, and Gimli would've chuckled. Yeah, it was Legolas. My suspicions were confirmed the moment he said, "Meleth nin, go fetch a bucket of cold water so we may wake our slumbering companion."

I twitched imperceptibly, nervous and annoyed now. I didn't like cold water – at least not when it was poured on me. A few summers ago, I'd gone swimming in an icy lake up in Idaho. Fun, when I'd gotten used to the water, but the first half-hour or so was killer. Also, I'd had my fair share of cold showers due to my family's hogging of the hot water. NOT an enjoyable experience.

All these thoughts flashed through my mind in the short while it took for MEKESSG to giggle and run for the well.

"Candorien." That nancing little elf-voice again. Would he ever shut up? "This is your last time to get up before we douse you."

Two people laughed. One, deep and hearty, I deemed to be Gimli's. The other, equally hearty but more of a tenor than a bass. Changeling, who had been curled up by my side, leapt up and started yipping. The only problem was, she was jumping on the small of my back. Thankfully, my puppy wasn't half as big as my boxer back home, but it still hurt.

I, however, was skilled in the art of feigning sleep while trying to regain it and could drift off amidst much noise. Neither Legolas's words nor Changeling's hyper behavior could get a rise from me. Oh, no. I was above such bothersome trifles.

"Got it," Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow simpered sweetly from somewhere above me, and I knew my doom had come.

"Go ahead, meleth nin," Legolas directed calmly.

I hated him in that moment, but my hate was to be doubted a second later.

Freezing cold water hit my back, seeping through my clothes and into my very bones. I writhed in silent agony before deciding to end my ill-fated charade. I doubted they were still fooled, anyways.

"Blast, I'm already awake!" I yelled, pushing myself up quickly to glare at the others and sending Changeling flying.

They fell over, laughing, as I began to wring out my hair, pant legs, shirt, cloak, and tunic. I highly doubted that it had been only one bucket that had found its way onto me. Sure enough, two wooden pails lay abandoned by MEKESSG's feet.

Sighing, I grabbed my bag (luckily, it was dry) and Changeling before walking around and kicking my supposed friends in the ribs. They moaned, but I didn't really care. It was their fault in my opinion. If they hadn't poured cold water all over me, **I** wouldn't have had to hurt them.

"Get up," I growled, giving MEKESSG good kick in the rump.

"Ow!" she whined. "Legolas, Candorien…"

"Has a right to kick you," I interrupted. "You poured cold water over me, and now my clothes are twice as heavy, not to mention drenched!"

"Stop, stop!" Merry begged as I kicked him again, though much lighter than the one I'd delivered to MEKESSG.

"I'll stop when you get up and apologize, you snagas."

"I object to that!" Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow cried, giving me an evil look.

"Sorry, luv," I replied. "Didn't know you'd take offense." Actually, I hadn't known she'd understand what I'd called them. If I had, I would never have used the term. Well, maybe I would. I don't really know.

Legolas got up and pulled his girlfriend to her feet. Merry and Gimli stood, and they all looked at me.

"What?" I asked nervously. With that crowd, whenever they give you more than a passing glance, it's instinctive to panic. I was trying hard not to do so now.

"Erm, you look wet," Merry told me.

I hit my forehead with an almost dry palm. "Merry, you're acting like Pip again. I know I'm wet and that I look wet. Could you guys try to tell me something I **don't** know?" I asked angrily.

"Let's go explore the grounds!" Gimli suggested, sensing that my temper was reaching its boiling point.

"Will I be able to change?" I wondered, tightening my grip on the squirming puppy in my arms.

"Possibly. That is, if you apologize for kicking us and promise never to do so again."

As I've said, I hate smug elves. They are **so** annoying! I mean, elves are smug enough usually, but when they're extraordinarily smug, it's vomit inducing. To me, at least, anyways.

I stuck my tongue out at Legolas and glared at him. After a moment of silent consideration, however, I decided to obey the annoying wood elf.

"Fine. I apologize to you all, and I promise not to repeat my behavior. Now can we find me somewhere to change?"

Surprisingly, I found out later that Legolas had done something for me that day. After I had changed, I walked straight into Elladan but was so annoyed I merely exchanged pleasantries and flounced off to catch up with Merry and the others. The frustrating ellon had cured me of my crush…for a while, anyways.

At last we sat down to eat, and the Riders mounted their horses. With a heavy sigh, I saddled Hasufel and, holding his reins, waited for Aragorn. By the time he finally came out, followed by Halbarad, the sons of Elrond, MEKESSG, and Gimli, I had led the horse over to where the Rangers were sitting.

"'Ello, poppets," I smiled grandly.

The quiet men sent me strange looks but did not reply. Aragorn had begun to speak.

Half an hour later, I was in even worse spirits than before. Merry was gone, no one was talking to me, the food they expected me to eat was making me nauseous, and, worst of all, I had a migraine. All this was hidden behind a smile, however. With everyone else so grim, I sensed I could be most annoying by being extremely cheerful. And, if I annoyed no one, at least I was using my face muscles.

At last, my boredom grew too much, and I took Changeling away into a small side chamber. We began our usual game of fetch, and I started to hum.

Soon, I was singing aloud and with great vigor, "Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Drink and the devil done for the rest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"

_If only I had rum! _I thought disparagingly. _Or root beer. Sassafras! Or cheese. Yeah, cheese is good. Wonder if I can persuade Aragorn to get me some. Hmmm…_

With a smile, I gather Changeling into my arms and headed for the sound of talking. When they were finished, I would ask for cheese. And, this time, I would behave. I would listen and only comment when asked to. Yes, I would show them how grown up I could be and make my request at the opportune moment. Oh, yeah, I was good.

* * *

**Author's Note: Once again, updates will be sporadic. I've got band camp for the next two weeks (Go pit!), so, yeah... As always, reviews are appreciated, criticisms are useful, and flames will be used to make pasta! Mac & Cheese is REALLY good. I know, because my sister, having just gotten her wisdom teeth out, is making it all the time... I think there's some in the kitchen now, actually. Must go check.**

**My pet, the brunette pirate, and Erik have given each other a challenge. "Swordfighting across America!" At least two of them have to be fighting at all times as they cross the country. I think they're idiots, but...oh, well. It's nice to have my room back to myself, though.**

**Your faithful authoress,**

**AiH**


	25. Upgrade in Status

**Kay – Giving it to you, mate. Giving it to ye now.**

**Sushi-San85 – O.o Sounds like fun. BTW, I know about Menzoberranzan and the drow. Yes, I read FR…every once in a while. Jack's bleeding your coffers dry, eh? Why don't you stop him. Duct tape him to the wall or something like that. I've got the materials, if you don't. Legolas will get better, and, if you ask nicely, I'll even tell you when the Sue dies….**

**Disclaimer: I OWN IT ALL! MUAHAHAHAHA! Uh oh…. – gets chased by angry lawyers – I mean, I don't own anything. Nothing! **

* * *

"You're going with them?" Éowyn asked me incredulously. 

We were closeted in her room, discussing, well, what girls usually discuss: fashion. Just kidding. We were talking about the next day's events.

"Yes," I sighed, stroking Changeling absentmindedly. "I think so. Will Aragorn not let you come with us?" I already knew the answer.

"No," Éowyn sighed. It was after midnight, and we were sitting on the floor. "He says my duty is here, with my people, but I don't, I want, I …"

"You want to go with us," I said, reading her face and eyes. "You don't want to be confined anymore. You want to fly free."

"How can you tell so easily?" Éowyn asked, surprised. "You are so young."

"Because I'm like you, I guess," I answered with a shrug. "I really used to have that yearning. But then…"

"Yes?"

I inhaled. "Then, I discovered music. I can make my own freedom in it."

"Oh." Éowyn looked disappointed. "Candorien, are you sure you wish to go to battle?"

"I don't," I assured her. "If I could, I'd let you go in my place. But," I sighed deeply, "little Miss Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow simply **has** to have an escort, and, irritatingly enough, she wants me."

"You don't like her much, do you?" my newest friend asked with an understanding smile.

"No," I said decidedly. "No, I don't. she's just so, so, so, so annoyingly perfect!"

"I see."

Gazing deep into Éowyn's eyes, I saw she did see. She knew how it felt to be overshadowed and ignored.

"Glad to have someone like you around," I murmured softly.

Suddenly, she smiled and reached out to give me an one-armed hug.

"You're not alone, Candorien. You have strength, and even if no one else can see it, I can. It's deep down there, but it's in you."

I laughed mirthlessly. "No, Éowyn, I don't have strength. I have stubbornness, impertinence, and the ability to be annoying. I'm not strong."

"Oh, but you are," Éowyn told me with a smile. "You've put up with MEKESSG for so long, undergone a long while alone in the Misty Mountains, and managed to keep a puppy when few around you wanted you to do so."

Momentarily dumbfounded by her use of my nickname for the frustrating girl I was always forced to accompany, I did not reply at first.

"Also," she went on, "you find freedom inside. Face it, Candorien, you are strong."

"Well, if I'm strong, so are you," I retorted, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"Hmmm. Want me to braid that for you?" Éowyn offered kindly, eyeing my hair professionally.

Having already had a bath (I'd insisted on it) and knowing my hair was decently clean, I shrugged. "Sure."

As she began to work on my hair, I leaned back against her knees and sighed.

"What?" the shieldmaiden asked me curiously. "What's wrong, Candorien?"

"I really don't want to go," I moaned softly, looking down at my feet with more interest than I really felt.

"But you must." Éowyn pulled a bit hard, but I didn't wince. I was quickly losing my tender-headedness on this trip.

"I know," I sighed again. "I know."

* * *

The next morning was terrible for me. Éowyn wasn't strong, didn't look strong. She was alone and pleading. Watching Aragorn refuse her about broke my heart. It was a grim ride, but for the first time in a long while, one I was able to make without sharing a horse. 

In a surprisingly kind gesture, Éomer had given me the use of Hasufel. He was a lovely beast, polite and well-trained, but still spirited. I felt safe on his back. It also felt really good to actually be sitting in the saddle, not behind it hanging on to someone's waist.

Changeling huddled in my bag, strangely subdued. I think she knew something sad was going on. It did not take long, however, for me to be bored stiff.

_Riding, riding, riding,_ I thought. _It's not very interesting. I want to sing for joy, or I would, if there was anything joyful going on. Hmmm. I could stare at the gorgeous men and elves around …oooh…that's a good idea!_

And so, I assumed a slack-jawed, fazed-out expression that was very useful during boring classes or when I wanted to feign boredom in order to gaze at something or plot without being noticed. This time, I was focusing on the all the faces ahead of, around, and behind me. My curious eyes sought out each face's good and bad features, making a list of my favorites even as I did so. Yeah, I'm good at obsessive staring. It's something I've had a lot of practice at.

By the time we finally reached Dunharrow and the Dimholt Door, I had settled on five favorites. Aragorn, though extremely handsome, was out of the question. I wasn't even going to think about taking Arwen's betrothed – not that I'd win if I tried to do so. So, my five came down to the sons of Elrond, Legolas, and two rugged, dark Rangers. With that Company, I was in fan-girly heaven. I'd never seen so many handsome faces together in real life before, and I didn't expect to see anything like it again.

The Rangers' horses trusted them enough to go in after them, and their riders loved Aragorn enough to follow him. Legolas had to speak quietly to Arod and Hasufel. MEKESSG's horse followed her in without a single qualm. At last only Gimli and I were left, glancing nervously at one another.

"Well, we might as well go in," I said, fixing the leather leash Éowyn had given me to Changeling's rope collar.

"I suppose so," Gimli admitted.

"Together?" I asked.

"Together," he replied.

With that, we nodded at one another and, taking a deep breath, went inside.

I forgot all thoughts of cute guys and pranks once inside. Instead, I hurried to catch up with Legolas and MEKESSG. Handing me Hasufel's reins, they both shot me condescending looks. It was obvious that neither of them was feeling the slightest bit of fear. Lucky buggers.

"You alright?" Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow asked me a few nerve-wracking hours later.

"I'll be fine," I whispered back, one hand on the side of Hasufel's neck. His warmth gave me strength, my hand, perhaps, doing the same for him. I love the smell of horses, and the gelding next to me was comforting. I was **so **going to persuade Mom and Dad to get me a horse when I got home. Even if I had to save up and pay for it all by myself, it would be worth it.

"You sure?" It was Legolas this time.

"Of course I'm sure," I retorted. "When I'm not, you'll see me collapse. As long as I'm standing and walking, I'm okay."

He nodded and turned back to MEKESSG.

During the long walk, a question popped into my mind. Had I now been promoted in status to a friend of MEKESSG? Was I no longer a servant to her? Did she and Legolas consider me, if not their equal, at least only slightly their inferior? It was an interesting thought, and one I would be sure to explore fully later.

When Aragorn and Elladan went over to the skeleton and its door, I realized I felt no curiousity, no impulsive urge to find out about him.

_Yes, let the Dead keep their secrets, _I thought darkly. _Let them keep their treasures and cairns. I care not. O, to see the sun and grass again! To ride at a gallop in the company of friends! To climb trees in the forest and play games on a lawn at twilight. To be out in the fresh and breathe. To live! I'm not ready for death. Someday, yes, it will be my turn to die, to leave this world and go, well, go on. But that day is not, most emphatically not, today! I am a teenager. I am alive!_

Taking a deep breath, I picked up my puppy and held her to my cheek. She licked my face energetically, and I wanted to laugh. I knew then I would be okay, no matter what happened on our long, scary trek. I had a dog and a horse I cared for. I had people I knew and loved. I was going to make it.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, I survived the first week of band camp. Only one more to go. And, in further news, I can now use a compound bow! I can fire it in three ways, one of which I can also fire two arrows at once. And, if I'm lucky, I might actually be able to get my own... yay! As always, reviews are appreciated and flames will be used to roast Sues.**

**Legolas, Will, and Erik have been returned to me by the police... they gave my place as their address, surprisingly, and I have no idea why... So, now I am not allowed to let them out. I did, anyways. When Legolas is going to give Will archery lessons, you do not want him to do so in your room. The backyard and cemetery are much better suited for such things.**

**Love,**

**Authoressinhiding**


	26. Barking Puppy

**Sushi-san85 – Okkay. Trust me, if those filthy little mind-flayers show up at my door, I'm going to be completely myself. As in the girl who sings songs from the Music Man in a high, squeaky, comic voice. VERY FUN!**

**Ames – That's a lovely idea. However, I don't think my guardian angel's doing so well, if he's my cat. If he's my horse, though…I can see that.**

**Slayer3 – Um, then Candorien would be a murderer, and we don't want that now, do we, Precious?**

**Kay – Point. I thanks you for not commenting on Will and his archery.**

**Disclaimer: New Line refuses to give me the rights for a buck…don't know why.**

* * *

The problem with puppies – with many dogs for that matter – is that they have a tendency to bark at the strangest things. So it proved that evening with Changeling.

"Will you shut that dog up?" one of the Rangers hissed for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I can't," I murmured back, a bit angry with everyone at the moment.

My puppy had found it in her to bark a the shades of the Dead behind us. At first Aragorn had sternly instructed me to try and keep her quiet. When time had proven I couldn't, he had sighed, patted me on the shoulder absently, and ignored the yelping pooch. Most of the Rangers, the sons of Elrond, and my friends had decided to follow his example, reasoning perhaps, that if I could take the noise, they could, too. Still, a few of the Rangers were extremely annoyed by my barking dog. At one point, Legolas, perhaps feeling some sympathy for me – I'm sure I looked very harassed at that moment – asked Changeling if she wouldn't mind being quiet. She told him she did mind and, if they continued to bother her, she would be even louder. The elf had relayed this to me looking rather sheepish. Elves are not meant to look sheepish, if you ask me. It looks funny on them. Only a desire to be polite and a hither-to undiscovered reserve of self-control kept me from laughing.

"Thanks anyway, Legs. You don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

"As a matter of fact, I do mind, Candy." He placed a slight emphasis on the last word, and I winced.

"Point taken, lesson learned," I assured him hurriedly.

"Good." Legolas smiled. "Very good."

We were riding quickly across the countryside, and I was getting all sorts of tips on how to keep my seat and have better form.

"Heels down," MEKESSG snapped.

"Feet out!" one of the Rangers directed.

"Back straight," Legolas smirked.

I glared at them all. "Why aren't you correcting Gimli's riding?"

"He's a dwarf," Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow said as if it were obvious.

"Erm, I'm sorry, still confused here!" I yelled, frustrated.

"He's hopeless," a Ranger told me.

"I prefer to think of it as focusing too much on staying on the horse to consider style and horsemanship," Gimli whispered to me with a wink. Both of us were extremely glad to be out of the mountain.

I laughed softly. "Right you are, Master Dwarf. Right you are."

Glancing back at the shades, I shuddered and stroked Hasufel's neck nervously. I really didn't like them and would be glad for a chance to leave them at Pelargir. Some traveling companions just aren't worth keeping with one for a long while. The shades of the Dead were a very good example of this.

"So, Legolas, could I interest you in giving me a quick history lesson?" I asked.

"Were you not paying attention when Aragorn was talking this morning?" he queried.

"Actually, I was half-asleep when he was explaining things, I think," I informed him.

"You did look rather drowsy," MEKESSG commented.

"Hey! I'm a teenager! I need my sleep!"

"Yes, well, I'm a teenager, too, and you don't see me sleeping every other minute, do you?" she retorted.

"That isn't the point!" I sniffed, trying to save face.

Thankfully, Legolas chose that moment to intercede. "About that history lesson, Candorien …"

Several times during that ride I nearly drifted off. Each time my head began to nod, however, someone always struck out a hand and woke me. After this had happened about five times, Elladan, who was riding right behind me, took a length of rope and tied my legs to the stirrups and told me to wrap the reins tightly about one hand, so I would wake if I started to fall. Thanking him profusely, I relaxed and fell into a light comatose state.

When I woke, it was to find our company galloping across grey fields. Legolas was singing some song about Lebennin, or something like that.

"Ah, the sleeping creature wakes," laughed Elladan lightly. "Have a nice rest?"

"As nice as possible in this dank darkness. No offense, boy," I whispered this last bit to Hasufel.

"Talking to your horse? You are a strange girl," observed Gimli.

"Horses are intelligent," I retorted, stroking mine's mane lovingly. "Besides, everything deserves to be spoken to … 'cept orcseseses. They just need to be put out of their misery."

"Hard views for a young girl," remarked Elladan.

Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow took it upon herself to explain, "She has a phobia."

I shuddered. "You would, too, if …"

"If what?" the son of Elrond pressed curiously, a light in his eyes.

"If you ever had nightmares about them."

During my time on Zirak-zigil, orc-inspired bad dreams had become a common thing. I still had them about once a week, but they were no longer terrible enough to make me cry out.

"And I assume you have?"

"That's what she's saying, Elladan," Legolas, who had finished his song, said dryly. "You have a mind. Do try to use it."

Elladan glared at his fellow rider. "I knew that," he muttered sulkily.

"Did you now?" MEKESSG had joined the teasing-fest.

Still bothered about my nightmares, I listened to all this in contemplative silence. I was growing up, I realized. Both my body and mind were maturing. I no longer wanted to murder everyone who annoyed me – I preferred torture now.

"Ruff!" barked Changeling, popping her head up out of my bag to stare at the Dead once more. "Ruff! Ruff!"

"Loud dog," commented a Ranger.

"Thanks," I said, performing a half-bow to him as I turned in the saddle. "So, how much farther do we have to go? The countryside is pretty, I'm sure, but hard to appreciate in this dismal blackness."

"We'll be there before winter," Gimli assured me. "Do try to entertain yourself."

Rolling my eyes, I decided to concentrate on my riding instead of letting m mind wander, which was dangerous. I might think about my growing infatuation for Elladan or, which was far worse, the other handsome males around me. If I thought long enough, I might even become infatuated with Legolas or Aragorn, which would be terrible. Instead, I was going to focus on a topic that could lead to no dangerous situations. Or so I thought.

* * *

**Author's Note: As always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be used to heat the water in my house. Stupid Legolas, Will, and Erik broke the hot water heater...I knew not to leave them alone. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO SILLY?**

**Authoressinhiding**


	27. NOT GOING!

**Kay – Duh, I know what movie that is. Work and the Glory. Not sure which one. Tried to watch both, but got bored, mate. Yes, Candorien and I are alike in that prospect. Glad SOMEONE noticed.**

**Disclaimer: I am poor, very poor, and so I own nothing but OC's and random plot aspects. It really stinks.**

**Author's Note: Just three little reviews 'til 500! That lucky 500th reviewer will be given a prize! I shan't tell you what it is, though.**

By the time we reached Pelargir, however, I'd fallen off twice, been whacked by the other riders for my bad posture many more, and never greeted any sight with more joy than that of the river and its ships. I was sick of riding.

Before I could dismount, however, we had to get rid of the nasty enemies we'd driven before us. Following orders given to me by one of the Rangers, I fell back and finished off the wounded who refused to surrender. It was a terrible task, but one of the few they trusted me to do. I was about to puke before a certain ellon came over, grabbed Hasufel's reins, and ordered me onto a ship.

"Thanks," I breathed, taking my reins back and swallowing forcefully.

_Be still, my heart!_ I thought dramatically as we loaded the horses into the hold of the ship. _Be still, or I'll hurt you…but I won't cut you out and stick you in a chest like Davy Jones. That'd be stupid, and I'm not stupid…am I? Hmmm. Interesting question. O.o wonder if this ship has any good food. Must go ask Aragorn._

Two cheeseless days later, I was starving, seasick, and in a bad mood. I had also been banned from eating anything with Aragorn's express permission. One can see why I was suffering from ill temper. Seeing as how I was mad at the others, I'd decided to hide with the horses (I had also been banned from the oar decks).

Bored and impatient, I was very glade when at last change came. Legolas hurtled down into the hold, grabbed Arod's and MEKESSG's horse's reins, told me to get Hasufel and Roheryn up to the deck, and left. As both geldings were well-behaved, it was no trouble to obey his orders. Oh, it felt good to be out in the open air again!

"Where are we?" I asked Halbarad as he pushed past me.

"Very close now," he muttered hurriedly. "Very close to Minas Tirith and the Harlond. If you squint, you can see the armies."

"Orcs?" I gasped. "There are orcs here?"

"What were you expecting? Flying turtles?"

"It'd be better than orcses," I murmured darkly.

As we got closer and we began to see the extent of the enemy's forces, I felt the panic rise within me. By the time we'd reached the wharf, I was clinging to the mast with a death grip. I refused to leave the ship.

"Candorien, come one, let go!" Aragorn pleaded as the sons of Elrond tried to pull me from the mast. They couldn't pry me away, however. I was an insane fourteen-year-old, and mere elves could not overpower me when I was in panic-mode. "Please!" he begged.

"NO!" I yelled, refusing to obey him. "Not leaving. Not going. Not gonna face orcses."

"Candorien, come on," Legolas had joined Aragorn in trying to make me let go. MEKESSG soon added her voice to theirs. Still, I refused. Finally, Aragorn had an idea.

"Candorien," he said slowly, "if you don't let go and come, we're going to leave you all alone. And then the orcs will come aboard and torture you, probably kill you, maybe even eat you. ARGH! Candorien, get off me!"

I was clinging to his neck, legs wrapped around his waist, squeezing hard in my blind terror and panic.

"Candorien, get off!" the Ranger repeated.

"Candy, get on Hasufel," ordered MEKESSG. "We've got a battle to go to."

"Will you let the orcses get me?" I asked fearfully.

"Of course not," Elladan assured me as I finally let the twins pull me off Aragorn.

"Okay, then." Dignified, I mounted my lovely gelding and slid my puppy into the saddlebags a Ranger had lent me.

"Well, come on, people! Like Mary said, we've got a war to go to, don't we?"

They all stared at me, openmouthed, as I grinned insanely. Life was good when you had a few, er, interesting quirks.

**Author's Note: Forgive the shortness of the chappy. The next one will be suitably long, but, other than that, I cannot say more. I've seen Elizabethtown, and Orlando has definitely done better work, though it did present me witha new quote: "Cheese it is!" which really applies to my life, as I'm a cheese-a-holic. ME LOVE CHEESE! Yeah. As always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be used to grill steaks! **

**Legolas, Will, and Erik have been grounded to their fandoms for a while. They need to be attacked by fan-girls and learn their lesson. Never fear. I shall rescue them before too many unspeakable acts occur.**

**Authoressinhiding**


	28. An Unexpected Death

**Kay – I liked the books…not the movies. And why are you disgusted with me?**

**Ames – Next time it'll be flying sea turtles, I promise. Maybe even a handsome brunette pirate to ride them, too.**

**Sushi-san85 – Hope you get rid of the wings sometime soon. Let's all hope Candorien can survive the orcses.**

**Katzwhiskerz33 – Glad you like it and hope you keep reading.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one…cept the OC's…and of them, only Candorien's worth more than a few coppers.**

After the others had managed to shut their gobs, we rode off the ships and into battle. Thankfully, I was much more competent at using my sword and dagger than I'd used to be. I had at least a small chance of survival, and that was a big improvement form the beginning of our trip. MEKESSG used to refer to me as 'the monkey with a sword' in tones just loud enough for me to hear.

"Nervous?"

I turned.

"Oh, it's you," I said to Elladan.

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Oh, yeah. A bit, but then, aren't we all?"

"True. Good luck." He rode on ahead.

By now we were actually entering the battle. My panic was dissipating, replaced by a cool decisiveness. I knew what I had to do, and, even if my heart was pounding fit to bust, I could manage. Just as long as no orcs tried to eat me. I might go berserk then.

_Maybe it would be better if I did go berserk, _I thought reflectively, drawing my sword and willing Changeling to stay put. _I could probably fight a lot better if I were, though I might lose tons of blood. Oh, well. Most likely best to ignore the oliphaunts, too, or trust Hasufel to keep us from being stomped. _My gelding reared as we finally entered the fray, and I changed my mind. _On second thought, it's probably better if I keep a firm hold on the reins._

When my first opponent, a disgustingly twisted orc, ducked past Hasufel's flashing hooves and attempted to cut my leg off, I pulled my sword back and drove it through his helm. Tears sprang to my eyes even as I drew my blade out and prepared to face my next foe. I did not like war.

Following the charge of the others before me, I blinked back tears and cut down all enemies in my path. Many bored hours riding with the Grey Company had led to me suggesting nearby Rangers working with me on my fighting skills. Hasufel was a well-trained warhorse who constantly reared and plunged, attacking those foolish enough to get too near him with hooves and teeth. My gray equine friend could be very nasty, and I was, once again, infinitely glad of his company.

My arms grew tired and my eyes ran out of tears long before the battle was even halfway over. I kept myself going with thoughts of random cute people, my family, my friends, and silly songs. In the great library in my head, there are many songs that the world isn't entirely ready to hear. Reasoning? They can't take my insanity.

_I'm cute. Yes, it's true. I really can't help it, but what can I do? _I thought, even as my sword sliced through a random orc's neck. _When you're cute, it just shows…_ I highly doubted the writers of the Cute Song had ever considered its being mentally sung by a crazy teenage flautist during a battle. They probably hadn't.

My left arm was throbbing from some blasted orc's blade. He'd managed to slip past my defenses and slash me just above the elbow. Before he could do any more damage, my sword had buried half of itself in his chest. I didn't take kindly to people trying to hurt me.

_God, protect me! _I prayed, seeing a mounted Haradrim ride towards me, no doubt thinking I would be easy prey, what with me being a girl and all. My hair now reached to the small of my back, and I actually looked female for once. Shocking, I know.

"You will die," he spat in rough Common when he got within ten feet of me.

"No," I retorted, injured left hand slipping my dagger out of its sheath as I brandished my sword grandly. "It is you who shall die."

"Stupid girl!"

Luckily for me, he was a clumsy swordsman, and I was fresher…or perhaps the panic I thought I'd banished had returned as energy. While our swords clashed and clanged against each other, I, teeth clenched against the pain, shot out my left arm and plunged my dagger into the spot I judged his heart to be. He fell off his horse. Panting, I reined Hasufel around and leaned off to the side in order to snatch back my knife. It was too useful for me to lose.

Just then, I heard this piercing scream. Whirling, I caught sight of MEKESSG crumpling and falling off her horse to the ground. Without pausing to think, I dug my heels into the horse's ribs, guiding him over to her. Legolas knelt at her side, her head in his lap. Even from a distance, I could tell he was crying.

A sudden unexpected pang of loss and sorrow hit me like a bolt out of the blue. Sure, I had argued with Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow practically every day I'd spent in her company, but I'd never expected her to die. I'd cursed her, plotted her demise, and continually been annoyed by her, but never, never, had I actually thought about her death with all seriousness. And now she was gone. Tears came to my finally dry eyes, and I killed the orc sneaking up on Legolas automatically. Like him, I was shocked and grieved – though not so shocked or grieved that I didn't pay attention to approaching murderers.

"Oh, no," Legolas murmured, tears streaming down his alabaster cheeks. "She's dead. My love is dead."

Before he broke down and had a huge sobfest, I decided to interrupt.

"It's all right," I said soothingly, putting an arm around the shaking figure. "It's all right, luv. Yes, she's dead. She died bravely. You cannot give yourself over to grief. You cannot abandon your friends now. You cannot give up, just when it begins to look as if we might have a chance to win."

Legolas looked at me, incredulity plain in his eyes.

"Listen, Legolas, just listen. We all knew the risks when we came out here. We all knew we might die. And many have died, including King Thèoden and Halbarad. Do you really think you're the only one who's lost a loved one? Are you really so self-centered and blind that their losses mean nothing? That you are not willing to go on and fight for the dead? That you have lost the will to fight for all those whose lives are at stake?

"Has the death of one sixteen-year-old girl impacted you enough that you no longer care about those who yet live? Think of Gimli and Aragorn. Think of Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam. Think of your father and people. Think of all those who love you. They would not want you to do this. They want you to go on. **I** want you to go on. Please, Legolas, for all of us. Please, get up and fight for freedom. Fight for those who you love and who love you. Fight for the memory of Mary Elizabeth. Whatever it takes, whatever the reasoning, just keep fighting!"

Legolas grabbed my forearm and pulled himself up. "When all this is over," he whispered in my ear, "I am going to find where you got that from."

I gave him a huge hug and replied, "That's the ticket, luv. When this is over, we'll both have a good cry, savvy? Glad you're up again."

He nodded curtly and mounted Arod. Scrambling atop Hasufel, I drew my sword. Our respite was ending. In all actuality, that speech had come from my mind and heart. For once, I hadn't been quoting or paraphrasing. Sure, what I'd said had been influenced by all the things I'd read, but none of them was the exact source of my…er, peptalk. Those words had come from me. Perhaps I wasn't hopeless after all. Perhaps I wasn't doomed to idiocy and mediocrity. Perhaps I might actually become something someday.

**Author's Note: As always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be used to burn Sues at the stake. Legolas, Will, and Erik have all returned to my room, as the Sues became very freaky. They are not accepting mail or messages of any kind, and they just forced me to say that.**


	29. Getting Over It

**Slayer3 – Yes, yes, the Sue is dead. Whether she will stay dead or not, the bunny has not said. It's giving plot details, but no foreshadowing…stupid rabbit.**

**Alasse Irena – Whether or not I bring her back is up to me, and, if you'd look at the reply to Slayer3, the bunny hasn't spoken.**

**Sushi-san85 – Glad you enjoyed it. Have fun with Entreri! **

**Kay – Um, how will me be destroying original plotline? I didn't even know this story had a plotline. It does? COOL!**

**Disclaimer: Ehem. Talk to the elf with the braids.**

**Legolas: WHAT?**

**Authoress: You talk.**

**Legolas: No.**

**Authoress: Fine…do I own anything?**

**Legolas: A flute and several notebooks…um…a bunch of other stuff no one wants to know about.**

**Authoress: Ding ding, we have a winner! Woot!**

That afternoon, when the battle was over and done with, we held a short funeral for MEKESSG. Everyone else looked broken-hearted and cried rivers, but I did not. The day's fighting had desensitized my heart and mind. I couldn't find it in me to cry for one more dead noble person. All my tears and grief had already been spent. I just wanted to curl up and sleep for a month. Legolas, on the other hand, was still looking devastated, and nothing anyone was saying to him seemed to help.

With a soft sigh, I moved over to Elladan, an idea forming in my head. When I'd explained my scheme, he nodded and handed me his bow and quiver.

"Legolas." I took the distraught elf by the elbow. "Legolas, would you be so kind as to give me an archery lesson?"

He gave me a dull, incredulous look. I took it to mean yes.

"Okay, then."

Grabbing his arm, I pulled Legolas away from the grave and off towards the city a bit.

"So, tell me, luv, how do you use this thing?"

"What are you playing at, Candorien?" Legolas asked me wearily, looking for all the world as if he wished he were dead.

"Me? What am **I** playing at? Gee whiz, Legolas, I thought you'd be able to tell me. Clearly, I was wrong."

"If you're going to give me a repeat of your little speech today, then please excuse me. I have more important things to do," he spat angrily.

"Fine, then, you selfish pig," I snapped back, angry in my turn. "His uncle is dead, but you don't see Éomer bawling. The Rangers – especially Aragorn – have lost friends and kin today, but are they inconsolable with sorrow? I don't think so, kid. Come on. Stop being so…sad. Yes, I know, I'm being an insufferable, heartless, unfeeling git, but you can't do this. You can't die of grief just because someone you loved has died. That's taking the cowardly way out. And, if I have been rehashing my 'little speech' as you so kindly put it, well, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you weren't being so, so gloomy, I wouldn't have to do this." I patted his shoulder awkwardly. "I am sorry, kid. I really am."

Suddenly, he laughed mirthlessly. "Do you have any idea of the irony of this situation?" he asked when he had finished chuckling. "You, a thirteen-year-old – "

"Fourteen, actually," I interjected.

"Yes, fourteen-year-old, then, are attempting to talk some sense into me, an elf of the line of Oropher, while I'm crying my yes out over, over, a teenage girl…a mere child. Why? How could I have fallen in love with …? How could Gandalf…how could Aragorn…how could I have been so stupid as to let females…children," he amended quickly, catching sight of my angry glare, "come with us on a quest to destroy the Ring of Power?"

"Dunno," I murmured, glad I wasn't going to have to call him a chauvinistic swine and that MEKESSG's influence on him was going away now that she was dead.

"Well, thank you for trying to, er, bring me to my senses," Legolas sighed. "Now, I supposed I might as well give you that archery lesson. Then I'm going to have to have a talk with Aragorn about you."

"Oooh. Why?"

"Because," Legolas answered, taking the bow from my hands and showing me how to hold it properly, "we are not taking you into our next battle."

"Fine with me," I muttered, snatching Elladan's bow back and copying his stance.

"Now, you nock the arrow like this," Legolas directed, and the next half-hour was spent trying to learn how to shoot properly and to Legolas's satisfaction.

When we finally got back to the camp, Legolas talking animatedly about Mirkwood and what it was like there, it was already dusk. Legolas hurried into his tent and went to speak to Gimli.

_Where'd that come from? _I thought. _What's with the random tent putting-up? No one put one up for me…Oh, well. I'll just 'borrow' Aragorn's bedroll and go to sleep by Hasufel…PONY!_

Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting on the gelding, swinging my heels and singing, "I need a hero! I'm holding out for a hero till the morning's light. And he's gotta be swift, and he's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be larger than life. Larger than life!" Realizing that I didn't know any more of the lyrics, I changed songs, "Some boys take a beautiful girl and hid her away from the rest of the world." I was standing upright in the saddle now, belting out music across the field. "I want to be the one to walk in the sun. Oh, girls, they want to have fun. Oh, girls, they want to have…. That's all they really waaaant is to haaaaaaaaaaave fun…"

At this point, a random Ranger came stalking out of his tent, glared at me, and yelled at me to be quiet. After that, I slunk away, leading Hasufel, to my already-prepared bedroll, finally let Changeling out of the saddlebag, and let her range around me as I slipped in between the blankets, exhausted. It had been one **long** day, and I was dog-tired. Within ten minutes, I was asleep.

**Author's Note: Well, there we go. Legolas is finally start to recover from MEKESSG, but there's a lot more action left to go. As always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be used to...roast dead haunches of mumakil. So review and don't flame to save the poor little mumakil!**

**Authoressinhiding**


	30. An Encounter with Doom

**Ames – Me, too. 'Cuz I just can't handle a depressed Leggy. 'Tisn't worth all the stress and chocolate.**

**Kay – Quit trying. You will only hurt yourself.**

**Sushi-san85 – Wow…Entreri sounds like more of a stick-in-the-mud than MEKESSG. Yikes. Not fun! **

**Slayer3 – Candorien – and I – call everyone 'kid'. 'Tis a habit. But, yes, when taken into consideration how old dear Leggy is, it is rather funny.**

**Alfalfa – I'm really glad you like it and hope you keep reading.**

**Elondra – Glad you like it. Candorien's hair is a dark blond, her eyes are gray, and she isn't overweight – well, not really overweight – any more. She's lost lots of it doing the random exercise things a person must do in Middle-earth.**

**Alasse Irena – I couldn't take a sap-skull Leggy forever, now could I? ABSOLUTELY NOT.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…the blond – points at Legolas – owns nothing. New Line, Houghton Mifflin, etc., own everything. Savvy?**

**Author's Note: This chapter, following an idea from my friend Captain MeraSparrow, is dedicated to Steve Irwin, the man who made crocs and snakes seem even more fascinating than they already were and helped conservation becoming something kids were willing to do. We'll miss you, Steve!**

As had become tradition, the others just had to wake me up. This time, someone, most likely Aragorn, grabbed the end of my bedroll and lifted it up, spilling me out onto the ground. Naturally, I curled up and, yawning sleepily, threw my arms around that person's feet, using them for a pillow. Five minutes later said person threw cold water on me. After grumbling that couldn't they be any more original, I snatched my bag and stomped into some random person's tent, evicting them with a curt word and a glare. When I had changed and primped (with semi-long hair it had become a necessity) I stalked out of the tent and grabbed Changeling. Next, I moved Hasufel's picket, stomped on Aragorn's foot with a toss of my hair and my nose in the air, and reported to Legolas for no reason whatsoever. Except perhaps that I was mad at Aragorn, and, as so far as I was concerned, Legolas was really in charge of me after the Ranger-who-must-not-be-named.

Legolas noticed my wet hair and murmured something to Gimli. Both burst out laughing. You have no idea how frustrating it is to constantly have your 'friends' laugh at you. After kicking them in the shins until they threatened to leave me behind, I sat down on the ground with a very smug expression on my face.

"Why don't we go visit Merry and Pip?" Gimli suggested, breaking the silence.

"Good idea," said Aragorn. He just happened to be passing by. "While you're in the city, could you find Éomer and Imrahil for me and tell them they are needed down here for a war council."

"Of course," Legolas assured him. "We will see to that first thing."

"Oh, and by the way," Aragorn dodged around me as I tried to trip him, "take her with you. And that dog," he added as an afterthought.

Legolas looked depressed. Gimli chuckled. With a grin, I grabbed Aragorn's dangling hand – much to his surprise – and pulled myself up.

"Thanks, mate," I muttered, patting him on the shoulder. "Now I can see me boys and plot. Come 'ere, Changeling!"

Legolas glared at Aragorn, who was looking nervous as I fastened leash to collar on my erratic dog.

"I am going to get you for this, Estel," he growled softly.

'Yes, well, do be sure to give Éomer and Imrahil my message." And he hurried away.

"So…"Gimli drew out the word, "shall we get going then?"

"All right," Legolas sighed, turning to me. "There are a few rules of behavior you must heed whilst I am…"

"Babysitting?" I suggested. "Watching? Tending?"

"Er, yes, all those, anyways, you must adhere to these certain rules." Legolas looked flustered.

"And they are?"

"One, you will refrain from all silly behavior."

I grimaced. That was practically impossible. Legolas saw my face. "Yes, Candorien, it will be hard, but I know you can do it." Why was I getting Aragorn-you-must-control-yourself- déjà vu? "Two," the elf went on, "you must try to act your age." I groaned. He continued on over my protests. "Three, if I tell you to do something, you must obey me."

"Just don't make it anything stupid," I muttered under my breath.

"But that would be…" Gimli caught my glare and fell silent.

"Four," Legolas was **still** going, "you are not to insult random people, all right?"

"Me savvy," I murmured.

"Then we may go. Oh, and five, do not let that dog off its leash."

"Okkie-dokkie. Can we please go now?"

"Yes," Gimli answered, usurping Legolas's authority.

"Yay!" I leapt into the air, jumping for joy. "Where're we going again?"

"Candorien," a pair of hands gripped my shoulders as Legolas pushed me forward. "March!"

As I had never yet been in marching band, I found the action hard to do. It was very fun, however, when I realized that I could whack people with my arms if I swung them wide enough. Changeling pranced along, alternately racing forward and jerking me down the street then sitting down and refusing to move, forcing someone to carry her.

Gimli actually took to her, oddly enough. Legolas would just sigh at random intervals and sing Elvish songs. Then the two of them would comment on the city, and I would be left alone to skip and hum. Hey, if they could be weird, so could I.

Quite soon, we met up with Éomer and Imrahil, gave them Aragorn's message, received directions to the Houses of Healing, and set off. The two …odd ones walked, but I chose a happier gait. I skipped up the road, twirling and dancing, until Changeling decided to run again. Off we flew, zooming along the street to our destination. Once there, we waited for Legolas and Gimli (the healers refused to let me in until I had an adult with me). Really! It wasn't fair! When the slow ones finally arrived, Legolas vouched for me with a sigh. I don't think he was surprised they wouldn't let me in.

At last, we went in to see Merry and Pip. By this time, I was completely in my own little world – that is until someone tripped me.

"Mmph! Don't do that, people." Getting up, I nodded to Merry and Pippin, who looked much more serious than when we'd parted. The corners of Gimli's mouth were twitching, but Legolas was looking at me concernedly.

"You fall over quite a lot," the elf commented. I ignored this.

"How are you two, my young gentlemen?" I asked them.

"As best as could be expected, I suppose," mumbled Merry.

"You?" murmured Pippin.

"Same as you, methinks," I told them. "Been up to anything lately?"

"Not really, just saving the Steward of Gondor," said Pippin modestly.

"Stabbed the Morgul King and watched my liege lord die," Merry answered casually. "You?"

"Killed things, brought Legolas back to his senses after MEKESSG died, fell myriad times, you know. The usual."

"Mary Elizabeth Katrina Ellen Sara Susana Greenhow is dead?" Merry asked, open-mouthed.

"And you're fine with this, Legolas?" Pippin wondered.

"Well, it was rather odd for me to be, er…"

"Romantically involved with a teenage girl?" I supplied. "'Cha."

They all gave me weird looks, but that was no surprise.

"You could say that," Legolas muttered.

"There any cheese to be found here?" I asked.

"Well, we could go out on the terrace and sup," said Pippin thoughtfully.

"Will there be cheese?"

"Possibly," said Merry evasively.

"Then let's go!" I cried.

"Fine with me, but you two must tell your tales."

"Of course, friend Gimli, but you shall tell us yours as well," Merry replied. "And now, out!"

After Merry and Pip had finished their story, I let the others talked. It was enough for me to eat and listen, feeling much like a lazy cat. As I was thinking this, a most unfortunate even occurred.

_Oh, no! Speak of the devil! _a voice in the back of my mind cried out as Changeling caught sight of a preening tabby on the garden wall. _Oh, bugger! Not good!_

"Arf!" barked Changeling.

The others looked up apprehensively. They weren't complete idiots.

The cat hissed and leapt off the wall. Of course, Changeling had to go chase her. And, of course, her leash was still wound about my hand. So, of course, I was yanked out of my chair and over the wall.

My puppy flew over the cobblestones, pursuing that dratted cat. When at last I'd managed to grab her, I set off at a jog back towards the Houses of Healing. As I pushed past the healers and into the building, I ran into something and bounced off it. Looking up, I met the stern, kind eyes of a dark-haired man.

I had met my doom in the form of Faramir, Steward of Gondor.

**Author's Note: I have a fic posted on my homepage - a fanfiction that I can't put on here due to the people it involves (famous actors). If anyone would like to check it out and leave feedback, I would be extremely appreciative. As always, reviews are appreciated and flames will be used to cook food. Also, the boys (Will, Legolas, and Erik) and I would like to express once again how sorry we are about the loss of Steve Irwin. The world is sorely going to miss him.**


	31. Not A Secret Any Longer

**Ames – Me, too. Faramir's just more, well, likable. And as for Leggy bouncing back, he's an elf who'd been put under the spell of a Sue. What did you expect?**

**Alfalfa – Glad you like the humor. **

**Sushi-san85 – I would say true happiness. That's the short corny answer. I think you ought to work for Sauron. I could use someone high up to help me with research. I'll consider the age thing, and I hope you slap Entreri in the face for me.**

**Slayer3 – And what if I don't keep the Sue dead? What happens then?**

**Bobsmyuncle – Thanks for the compliments. IF Bob and the Sue return, however, they are NOT going to return together. Trust me on this.**

**Kay – And how long did said hysterical laughter last, may I ask?**

**Elondra – My cat's done that before. 'Tis very annoying. I do have a Neopets account, but as I am never on, I don't think I'll contact you. Is that ok?**

**Disclaimer:**

**AiH: Ehem. – reads script – I own nothing and no one save my own original characters.**

**Author's Note: Those looking for motive will be persecuted, those searching for a moral will be banished, and those looking for a plot will be shot. Thank you.**

* * *

"Good day, mate!" I called out randomly, ducking around him and running to the terrace. "I'm back!"

Legolas was singing, and he glared at me when I interrupted him. "You choose the worst moments to make your entrances, Candorien. One often wonders whether you do it on purpose."

I hastily tried to explain that I **never** did it on purpose, or hardly ever, but things never did seem to work out, no matter how carefully I planned them. Merry and Pip said that it was quite understandable and they had the same thing happen to them many a time. Gimli thought that I just had lots of bad luck. At last even Legolas could no longer keep up a pretense of annoyance.

"All right," he muttered grudgingly, but I thought I could catch the glimmer of a smile in his clear eyes. "I suppose you can't help yourself. But it doesn't help when that terrible dog of yours is always…"

"Making trouble?" suggested Merry.

"Causing stirs?" supplied Pippin.

"Yes, those," Legolas continued, rather flustered. "Anyways, that dog… why, if I didn't know nay better, I would say she did it on purpose."

At this moment, Changeling began to bark, making me think again of her seeing the cat.

"Mmhmm," Legolas said after a moment. "I see. She's as bad as you are," he told me austerely, but he smiled as he said it. "And she did wish to catch that cat and isn't entirely happy with you for it."

"Oh, tush," I replied, giving Changeling quite a stern look. "I did what's best for her and the cat, so don't go complaining to me all about everything."

At this statement, my companions all gave me a very odd look, even by our usual standards.

"What?" I asked curiously, putting Changeling down and letting her attack my feet. "What is it, guys?"

"Do you have any idea how often we feel that way about you?" Legolas asked me.

"Er, no."

"Because half the time we are trying to look after you," sighed Gimli.

"And you never seem to understand," Legolas continued.

"Or agree."

"Or behave."

"And your point is…?"

"We think maybe we ought to leave you behind during the next battle," Legolas said all in a rush. "War isn't a place for…"

"Random teenage girls with odd singing habits," I suggested.

"Yes, that…well, anyways, I had a talk with Aragorn this morning, and we want you to stay behind, to stay here."

"Oh, all right."

This surprised them.

Legolas rose to his feet in order to continue the debate, "Look, Candorien, we know you don't want to, but it would really be better if…what? You aren't arguing our counsel?" He sat down, shaking his head like a wet dog. "You really don't mind?"

"Of course not, my earnest elf. For once, perhaps I ought to do as you and Aragorn think best."

Merry and Pippin were looking at me open-mouthed as if I'd let them down.

Smiling tentatively, I took my old seat by Legolas. It wasn't really that hard of a decision to make. I had already been through one battle, and it had proved more than enough for me. After all, when one considers these things, going to battle made absolutely no sense when one was a teenage girl. Besides, if I stayed, I could watch Éowyn and Faramir and keep Merry from too much boredom.

"Sorry, guys," I told my hobbit friends quietly. "I just don't think battle is the right place for me now, savvy?"

"Oh, it's fine," said Merry brightly. "Honestly, with this arm, I don't think they're really keen on me going, either. At least we can amuse each other."

"Valar help us," Legolas murmured under his breath.

I smiled at him and leaned back in my chair, staring out over the city. The marble and limestone walls gleamed in the sun. All about the Houses of Healing, people bustled to and fro as the day went on. Platters, plates, cups, and jugs littered our little table. As the hobbits and Gimli lit their pipes, the five of us were gradually hid in a drowsy, smoky fog. It clung to our garments and almost caused me to choke. Thankfully, their pipeweed smelled better than cigarettes, so I managed to keep my lunch down.

Our talk strayed to little nothings, and soon I was napping in my chair. The others, upon noticing, did not bother to wake me, but simply let me rest.

"Leave the lass be," I heard Gimli say, chuckling softly, just before I slipped into a dream. "She won't come to harm sleeping."

At sunset, however, someone lightly touched my arm. I blinked to dislodge the haze I was seeing, and Legolas's angular facer swam slowly into view.

"Come on, Candorien. We must return to the camp. You'll have to carry Changeling; she's fast asleep."

Yawning, I stood and gathered my puppy into my arms. The sun, a great fiery ball, was sinking into the horizon. The whole city looked orange, like Halloween come to manifest itself in a metropolis. My eyes widened, and I grinned mischievously.

"It's beautiful," I remarked after we had left the hobbits and the Houses of Healing behind us.

"That it is," Legolas and Gimli agreed.

We had been walking in silence for several minutes when Legolas stopped.

"Candorien?" Legolas said slowly, regarding me curiously with those deep green eyes of his.

"Yes?" I winced, hearing my voice laced with anxiety. "Yeah?" This time I sounded way too casual.

He smiled, no doubt to set me off my guard and to make me relax beyond the point of wisdom.

"I was wondering," he continued, choosing his words with obvious care, "where you came from. It was never made clear to me, and I never asked Mary Elizabeth."

I swallowed hard, and the anxiety came back tenfold. Why did he have to ask this now?

"Er, Legolas, hate to tell you this, but I don't actually think I'm from anywhere you know of."

"You mean a different world?" asked Gimli. He was smarter than he looked, that dwarf. Seeing my questioning look, he shrugged. "The little twit used to boast about it all the time in front of Glorfindel. Thought it would impress him, and I daresay she was right."

"How do you know this?" Legolas demanded.

Gimli shrugged again. "Unlike you or our little human friend here, I'm neither gorgeous nor odd. People tend to ignore me." He seemed to have no problems with this. "I listen and learn much more than I tell."

"So, what is your world like?" the elf asked eagerly.

I didn't answer for a while. The 'little twit' remark had caught me off guard, and I was still laughing. "Well," I said when at last I had regained control of myself, "first, its name is Earth. Just Earth. Not Middle-earth or Arda. We have no magic. No wizards, dwarves, hobbits, elves, and all the other races. Just men. And, as I'm sure you know, men aren't the most honorable of God's – I mean Eru's – creations. We have machines, which are somewhat like magic, but I won't try to explain them to you. They confuse me, and I'm used to them. How confused would they make you guys? No, let's not discuss them."

"Your world sounds very complicated," commented Gimli.

"Sad," said Legolas quietly. "No magic, elves, or Ents. Ma-chines. They even sound harsh. What of forests and woodlands?" he pressed me, eyes gleaming desperately. "What of the animals?'

"They are not respected." It was hard to get the words out, and tears were forming in my eyes. I was only just then realizing how much I wanted to stay in Middle-earth. This world was so young, so **wild**, and I was in love with it. "There are not so many trees or woods," I continued, blinking back the tears. "It is so much lovelier here."

"What of your family?" asked Gimli. "What are they like?"

I smiled through the tears. "I have parents – a mom and a dad – and two sisters and a brother. I'm the youngest. We have two dogs. My family's really nice." _And I miss them!_ I thought silently.

"How did you get here?" wondered Legolas.

"To be honest, I have **no** idea. I just blinked and was here. That's the gospel truth."

"Interesting," Legolas mused, running his fingers through his hair as he thought. "I am going to have to tell Aragorn and Gandalf about this later. I wonder what they'll say."

I gulped. So did I.

* * *

**Author's Note: As always, reviews are appreciated, and flames will be used to cook haunches of meat...the boys (Legs, Will, and Erik) are trying out survival cooking. Don't ask me why.**


	32. Not From Bree

**Ames – Never bow to my superiority. I am not superior. You are. **

**Slayer3 – Okay, an outpouring of evil laughter. I can deal with it.**

**Sushi-san85 – How does one slap Entreri? Simple! Rig a device…use a magic wand…trip him…play the piccolo until he's so dazed he would lose a battle with a sloth…I can think of many ways. About the period thing, I don't feel quite comfortable with discussing that in my story…and it would go against part of the plot…at least I think it would. So, no, I shan't discuss it.**

**Kay – Yes, we are doing something, but not enough. Never enough. We must save our world, before it is destroyed. And yet, I fear it is already too late.**

**Rambie – Yay! One of the best things that comes from writing is making other people laugh. I love to do it, except when it happens because I tripped and fell or almost fell or slipped or something like that. – le sigh – **

**Disclaimer: – points to Erik – **

**E: Ehem…the authoress Authoressinhiding owns nothing but her OC's.**

**A: And you.**

**E: You don't own me.**

**A: Don't I?**

**E: No. You just lend me music, and I stay with you and…**

**A: Plot and compose in my closet? Yeah.**

**E: - glare - **

**A: Whatever. Anyways, I own nothing save Candorien and MEKESSG.**

* * *

When we finally got back to the camp, Aragorn met us and directed me to a small tent beside a picketed Hasufel. 

"Your tent, milady," he said with a bow and an over-exaggerated smile.

"Eh? What's this for?" I asked suspiciously.

"You could say it's so you don't barge into someone else's tent again," he told me with an evil grin.

Of course, I stomped on his foot and wheeled with my nose in the air. Changeling lifted her leg and growled. The four of us tilted our heads to one side and gave her odd looks.

"I swear," Aragorn muttered, staring at my puppy and looking confused, "that dog gets stranger every day."

"Just like her owner," Legolas smiled, giving me a friendly look. "Speaking of which, Aragorn, there's something Gimli and I must speak to you about." He gave me a pointed look.

Correctly, I took this for my dismissal and yanked Changeling into the tent. Naturally, I wasn't going to let them talk about me without listening. Softly, I crept to the opening of the tent, lay down, and pressed my ear to the tent flap.

"She's from where?" Aragorn, no doubt about it. "Legolas…come on! If Gandalf didn't notice anything, well, then, she's probably just some delusional girl from Bree…though I've never seen her there…and she has an elven name. Still, Legolas, she cannot possibly be…You surely don't believe her?" The Ranger's voice sounded weak, and I'm sure he knew it.

"But we do, Aragorn," Gimli stated simply. He was probably looking sorry for the man. I sure wasn't.

"You should have seen her face, Aragorn," Legolas said earnestly. "She was being honest."

"Of course I was!" I interjected, wriggling head and shoulders out of the tent flap. Propping myself up on my elbows, I continued, "And, yes, I know the key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught, but I just had to speak up for myself. I am from someplace else, Aragorn. I'm not from here. If I was, do you really think I would have come all the way on this trip?"

"Yes!"

I stared at him in open amazement, my jaw almost hitting the ground. "What the… Explain that. **Now**."

"Well," Aragorn replied smugly, reminding me very much of the late MEKESSG, may she be haunted by rabid ghost werewolves, "why did you come on this, er, trip – as you so elegantly put it?"

"Because I had no choice," I muttered angrily. It still bothered me that I hadn't been able to decide whether or not I wanted to go.

"So, if you had been from…Bree, for example, you would still have gone!" he said triumphantly.

"No," I corrected, beginning to enjoy this debate very much indeed. "Had I been from Bree, for example," I stuck my tongue out at him, "I would not have gone."

"Why?"

"Because how in all of Arda could a teenage girl from Bree get to the Ettenmoors all by her onesy? She couldn't, savvy?"

"You know, Aragorn," Legolas pointed out, "she has a point."

He glared at the elf. "When I want you to talk to me that way, Master Elf, I will inform you."

Legolas glowered at him, looking very annoyed, so I squirmed completely out of my tent, mimicking Aragorn, and got up. Promptly, I kicked him in the shins.

"Be nice to the poor, grieving elf," I ordered with a grin. Legolas immediately shot me a dirty look. "Moving on, Aragorn, why won't you admit that I am not from here – here meaning Middle-earth, you know? Please, why can't you see things my way?"

Aragorn's keen grey eyes focused on mine, and I shuffled uneasily. No matter how many times eyes like his looked at me with that degree of intensity, I never got used to it.

"I believe you," he said at last.

"Yay!" The fan-girly side of my personality took over as I leapt into the air and gave him the hug of death before doing a rousing rendition of the Pokey Dance. Hey, it's better than the Chicken Dance – something I'd never do in front of certain people (said people being Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli).

The Three Hunters just watched me as I whirled and spun, poking the air with great vigor. When I finally finished, all their eyebrows were raised.

"I'm gonna go to bed now," I murmured, rather embarrassed. Without another word, I dived into the tent and knotted the flap together.

"Definitely not from Bree," I heard Aragorn observe loudly.

With a small, private grin, I pulled Changeling to my cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

The next few days were spent in various activities, from archery with Legolas (I shot an arrow into the middle of a stable door 10 ft. from where I'd been aiming on my first try) to ransacking the kitchens for Merry to training with the Riders when Aragorn said I could. Surprisingly, I didn't at all mind when he said no, or when Legolas was too busy or irritated to give me a lesson. The city was just so big that I'd sneak a lunch and Changeling into my saddlebags, get up on Hasufel, and explore. Or, I'd ride over the fields just so I'd have something to do. Of course, there was always visiting Merry and Pippin or talking to Èowyn, but somehow riding in the sunshine seemed more palatable to me. I knew that once the Host of the West had left I would probably not be allowed to roam as I was doing now. I would end up confined inside, away from the fresh grass and sun. Such a way of life did not appeal to me at all. So it was I found myself practically avoiding the city and all its people on the day before the Host was to leave.

Out in the fields, I set Changeling loose on the grass and left saddlebags, lunch, and saddle behind, piled together on the ground.

"Come on, boy," I whispered to Hasufel as he sprang away, racing towards a nearby hillock. Carefully, I unsheathed my sword, and with a cry we charged into an imaginary battle. Hasufel neighed and reared as I slammed my sword into invisible foes. As could be expected, I fell off several times, but the turf was springy, and I held my sword away from me or chucked it several feet off as I fell. When both the horse and I felt tired, we walked over to my abandoned saddle, and I attached a long lead rope to his bridle. As I ate my lunch, Hasufel strayed, grazing. He took a nibble here, a mouthful there.

Deciding that he'd worked hard enough for a while, I slung the small bow and quiver someone had found for me over my shoulder. Sliding a picket through the gelding's rope, I called Changeling to me and set off several paces. About an hour was spent shooting the bow and sending Changeling to fetch the arrows, which she did with her tail wagging. For a brief while, I considered practicing archery on horseback, but one of the little voices in the back of my head told me to stop being sui- and homicidal and to look at my archery seriously. Upon doing so, I blanched and hurried to put my bow and quiver down by the forgotten saddle.

Hasufel seemed eager to run again, so I unpicketed and untied him before hopping up. This time, we just played, jumping, taking tight turns, rearing, and flat-out running for the joy of it. Changeling ran alongside us, and I felt like an Amazon, or some young warrior princess, wild and free in the dawn of the world, when all was green and new. Yes, my poetical side was waxing at this point, but ask anyone who's ridden a horse (in my opinion one of the greatest of God's creations) in a place like the Pelennor Fields, and just see what they say on the subject. It is not my fault if, riding that horse on that morning, I was perfectly content, and would not have wanted to be anyplace else for all the world.

Of course, such peace and quiet enjoyment could not last, and it didn't.

"Candorien!"

As one, Hasufel and I wheeled, and we galloped over other man and his breathless mount.

"Aye," I answered. Hasufel did a play rear, and I had to grab his mane to hang on. I hated it when he did that, and to be honest, he did it quite often.

"You're ordered to the city," he said stiffly.

Grumbling to myself, I began to gather all my things up, saddling Hasufel as I went. Why did they **always** have to ruin my fun?

* * *

**Author's Note: Will try to update soon, but band is consuming so much time right now. Where are the boys? I need a massage!**

**Luv,**

**AiH**


	33. Lullaby with Legolas

**Slayer3 – Yes, I can. And, believe it or not, has come up with a titanium spork for under ten dollars. I think I shall get it.**

**Rambie - Stop it! You'll make the boys feel unloved! You cannot worship me unless you also worship them!**

**Liv – You really ought to stop being lazy, luv. And get on AIM more. And smile more. – grin – See? It's very easy.**

**Sushi-san85 – Mmhmmm. Have fun with that. Thanks for pointing the mistake out. As much as Candorien and Hasufel like to trample people, we can't do it very often, so I shall have to fix that. As regard to the magic thing, yes, I suppose, in a way you could think of it like that. Candorien and I don't usually, however. Thanks for mentioning it, though. I never considered it that way.**

**Shapeshifter – Okkay……… you really would like me to update, wouldn't you? I don't really have time, however. Band is a black hole into which my life is falling, and don't forget homework, too! I don't have that much time. But I'm on fall break, so I'll try to update a little more often, okay? I'm glad you want me to update quickly. I'll try, but I can't promise anything.**

**Kay – Oh…. You want it longer. Then you update for once. – sticks tongue out – Hah! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would rent TV time and yell it to the world. Which I'm not…so I don't.**

**A/N: The chapters are running out. Soon, it will end. Perhaps not this chapter, but soon.**

* * *

"Why did you do that?" I asked Aragorn and Gandalf pettishly, glaring at them over Hasufel's stall door as I rubbed the gelding down and hung up my tack.

"Because we're leaving in the morning and need to speak with you," Aragorn said as if it were obvious.

Naturally, I mimicked his words in a high voice and then growled. To say that I was unhappy was to make a grave understatement about my mood. "Go ahead," I finally broke the uncomfortable silence. "Speak with me."

"As we've already stated," Gandalf began, looking at me rather apprehensively, "we are leaving in the morning."

I bit back a sarcastic comment and nodded.

"Well, there are a few things we'd like you to do while we're gone. A few, er…"

"Ground rules," Aragorn supplied.

Again, I held in the sarcasm and inclined my head. I was getting real used to things such as ground rules.

"One, stay in the city."

_Granted,_ I thought sadly. _Well, I knew the fun would end some time._

"I can do that," I said when it became clear some reply was needed.

Gandalf nodded and went on, "Two, no riding like a hellion through the streets."

Aw, snap! There went my second greatest amusement.

"Three," the wizard continued, ignoring my crestfallen face, "you will not practice archery or swordsmanship while we are gone."

My mouth fell open, and I prepared to sulk.

"Four, you will stay in the Houses of Healing and obey the healers."

This was too much for me. "But, but, but…." I sputtered, comb falling to the ground by Hasufel's front hooves. "I'm not injured!" I burst out, looking desperately from Gandalf to Aragorn and back to Gandalf. I found no hope of relief on either's face.

"Five," Gandalf was really being cruel now, "if, when we return, we hear any report of misbehavior, we will take away Hasufel."

These words were a death knell to my heart. I collapsed onto the ground, feeling faint, and began to bawl.

"Candorien, please don't cry," Aragorn begged, but I just cried harder.

In the midst of my tears, I was calculating what my chances were of grabbing my things and Hasufel and fleeing the city. Serious reflection made it clear that such a course of action would not be feasible, so I decided against it. Thought did not make my tears any less real, though. In one part of my mind, I was totally devoted to tears. In another, however, my fight-or-flight instinct was trying to decide what it wanted to do.

"What's wrong?" Legolas, ever the innocent one, came upon the scene. He looked at me worriedly. "What happened to Candorien?"

"They're being mean," I sobbed as if my heart would break. It really was feeling as if it would

"And how are they being mean?" the elf asked, giving the man and wizard a look and clicking his tongue.

I rattled off the rules to him, my tears drying up due to his sincere interest. When I had finished, Legolas drew Aragorn and Gandalf to one side where they muttered amongst themselves.

"I think," said Aragorn when they returned, "that perhaps we have been to harsh on you. After all, you are just a child as Legolas has so kindly pointed out." He gave the smug elf a dirty look. "You may ride, but only after you have done at least five useful things each day."

I nodded. Five useful things? Child's play.

"And, instead of taking away your horse, we will confine you to your quarters. Are we clear?"

I was being grounded by Aragorn … or being threatened with it. It was kinda cool.

"Are we clear?" he repeated.

"Me savvy," I replied, getting up, leaving the stall (I was finished with my gelding), and giving Legolas a hug. He looked taken aback.

"Thanks for the help, Legolas," I murmured, grinning happily.

"Just returning a favor," he replied with a smile.

Gandalf and Aragorn stared at us oddly.

"Is there something going on between the two of you that we –an d maybe your father, Legolas – should know about?" the wizard asked tentatively.

I jumped backwards – away from the elf – and gave Gandalf a look. Legolas began to make hacking noises. Annoyed, I did what I did best when in that mood: kicked everyone in the vicinity in the shins. Some stupid person had given me riding boots – my mysterious benefactor, to be exact – and they were very good for leaving bruises. After this, all three became mad at me, so I was forced to flee.

I ran, breathless, through the streets, hearing the shouts of my pursuers behind me. I sped past tall, stately buildings and small, tidy cottages. But nowhere were children playing or women gossiping. Just men with hard faces whose eyes did not even light up at the sight of a young girl pelting pell-mell through their city and being chased by three dignified persons. I shivered. Minas Tirith did not seem an enjoyable place to grow up in.

Before too long, they caught up with me, as I had known they must. No matter how one tries, one simply cannot outrun an elf and Wingfoot, to use Èomer's name for him. It is just impossible.

"I'm in trouble," I gasped weakly as Aragorn grabbed my shoulders and frog marched me over to a dark alleyway. "Please don't kill me and leave my body to rot in this darksome hole. Please!"

"We're not going to kill you," Legolas smiled darkly. "We're going to teach you to behave."

Uh oh! I didn't like the sound of that. Not one teensy weensy little bit. "Help!" I yelped loudly. "Help! HELP!"

A hand was clamped over my mouth. I promptly bit it.

"Ouch!" Legolas jumped back, cradling his injured arm. "You bit me!"

"Yeah, and I didn't even break the skin or draw blood," I grinned. "Stop being such as sissy, Legolas."

Wham! I was slammed into a wall.

"Oooooh. Look at all the pretty little horses… That actually felt good. Cleared the sinuses… Wooh."

I collapsed against Aragorn, looking at both of them sleepily.

"Are you alright?" Legolas asked worriedly. "Aragorn, are you sure you didn't hit her too hard?"

"Of course I didn't," the Ranger replied angrily, but he sounded nervous as he wondered, "Candorien, are you quite all right?"

"Yeah. I've been shoved harder than that before. By my friends, too, you know. No, I'm just sleepy now. Really sleepy."

It was coming on dusk, and my natural teenage instincts were taking control.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Aragorn reiterated concernedly.

"Yes, sir," I answered calmly.

"I am very sorry. I don't know what came over me," he said rather shame-facedly.

"'Salright. I do. You're sick and tired of my childish behavior. And I daresay I deserved that shove. Don't worry about it, your Kingly Rangerness. Oh, and Legolas, I'm sorry for biting you. I have space issues sometimes, and, well, you could say my panic-mode took over me. So sorry."

"There was no harm done," Legolas said amicably, but he still rubbed his hand.

Our friendships now mended, Aragorn asked Legolas to escort me to the Houses of Healing while he went for my things. As the two of us strolled up the paved avenues and talked softly, I began to enjoy the city, something that surprised me exceedingly. Legolas started humming softly, some elvish lullaby, I suppose.

To my shock and amazement, he asked me, "Would you like to learn it?"

"I… I …. Um…." I stuttered. "Maybe."

"Would you like it in Sindarin or Common?"

"Er, Common, if you please. I can't quite do it in Sindarin… I don't know the language."

"Oh, all right, well, how is this? I shall teach it to you now in Common, as near as I can render it, and then, if I return, I shall teach you the Sindarin version."

"**When **you return," I said forcefully.

He opened his mouth to make some comment, but thought better of it.

"Very well, then, here it is." And he sang:

"Don't cry, little elfling,

Be quiet and still.

Let dreams ease your worries

And strengthen your will.

Close your eyes

And let the night

Wrap its arms

About you tight.

While above the stars

In Varda's jeweled sky

Twinkle brightly and

Beckon you high.

Tomorrow the sun

Will call you to play

And dance on the grass

In the joy of the day."

The ending was soft, no more than a wisp of sound that lingered on the cool spring night.

I stood there, mouth open in amazement. "Wow," I said at last. "That was lovely. How did you learn that?"

He smiled, and it lit up his whole face. "My mother used to sing it to me – she composed it herself and used to jest about how she was a terrible poet – but then she said I was too old for her to sing lullabies to anymore. And so I learned it for myself."

"Sweet…. I mean that's really nice."

"Yes, it is. Are you ready to learn it?"

"I guess so," I replied.

"Repeat after me: Don't cry, little elfling."

"Don't cry, little elfling."

"Yes! Once again."

"Don't cry, little elfling."

"Very good. And now the second bit: Be quiet and still."

"Be quiet and still," I sang.

It took us the entire walk for me to learn the song, for we stopped often to sit beside some stairway, sing, and talk. It was enjoyable to be friends with Legolas, partially because he knew all sorts of things I'd never even thought of, really, like the names of birds and the natures of trees. He would mention them off-handedly, and I could tell that things like fighting invaders, climbing trees, and working harder than I **ever** had on Earth were practically second nature to him. It was kind of awing to be in his presence… but then I remembered his idiocy in falling in love with MEKESSG, and all humility vanished.

When at last we reach the Houses of Healing, Legolas said goodbye at the gate and hurried away, leaving me humming softly behind him.

"Don't cry, little elfling," I whispered, and with a grin went inside.

* * *

**Author's Note: Like it? Hate it? Want more? If you don't tell me how you feel, then I can't do anything about it. Hope you like the somewhat-longer chapter and hope you review!**

**AiH**

**P.S. If you see a psychotic killer doing the macarena with headphones on, don't blame me. Erik stole that Walkman, thank you very much. I did NOT lend it to him. - grin -**


	34. Five Useful Things

**Waterstar2.5 – Sorry it took me so long to update and that the chapter's short. I just don't have much time on my hands.**

**Sushi-san85 – You'll find out…eventually. I don't usually like to reveal my secrets. After all, it would be boring if you knew what I had planned. Have fun in Amn.**

**Tola – Okay, here's what I did. I changed the summary to read 'crazy girl' instead of 'normal girl'. I will try to tone down her randomness in the sequel if I can, but sometimes the plot bunny refuses to obey even me. Hope you keep reading.**

**Slayer3 – Glad you liked it. Will try to update more quickly after 'zis. **

**Socks are Yummy – I would very much welcome that chocolate. Me like chocolate.**

**Rambie – No! Stopeth witheth theeth worshipingeth. Savvyeth?**

**Alasse Irena – Well, maybe we are, and maybe we aren't. I like to keep you lot in the dark.**

**Kay – You're out of that 'dratted city'. So why haven't you updated, luv?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the two OC's. And of them, only Candorien is welcome in my mind. I try to disembowel MEKESSG on a daily basis…she isn't around much anymore, surprisingly.**

**A/N: I am SO sorry for not updating. It's just been essays and finals and band and who knows what else. I'll try to be a bit quicker after this, OK?**

* * *

When I woke the next morning, the first thing on my agenda was a quick run to the kitchen, Changeling bounding at my heels. As I wolfed down an apple and some sausage, one of the cooks told me the companies had already left. I sighed deeply, for I _had_ hoped to say goodbye to them. Oh, well. Perhaps it was better this way.

Wrinkling my nose, I left the kitchen and pondered what my five useful things of the day would be. I could wake Merry up, always a good deed, as his snoring could be **very** irksome. So, with a happy heart, I skipped into Merry's room. Perching on the edge of his bed, I waved a piece of cheese under his nose. The lazy hobbit opened his mouth to eat the cheese. I pulled it back. He sat up and reached for it, eyes still closed. I drew it away once more. He reached again. I pulled again. Finally, he opened his eyes with a groan.

"Candorien!"

I shoved the cheese into his mouth, and he chewed.

"Good…little past fresh…got any…? Thanks." He swallowed and took my proffered sausage. "Anything else?"

Grinning softly, I handed him two apples, some more cheese, a couple links of sausage, and a flask of cider. Yeah, I'm good.

"How did you….they've been on short commons…Candorien, you're fabulous."

"Yep." I accepted the compliment with a grin and a nod.

"Seriously, though, how'd you manage it?"

"I promised to do dishes tonight."

"How much?"

"Let's just say I'll be washing for hours."

"And you don't mind?" he asked curiously.

"Nope," I answered quickly, sure of my decision. "It isn't at all a bother. I'll need some time alone with my thoughts later tonight, like as not. Don't worry. I'll mange. You can help, though, if you want."

"Um, I'm confined to my bed," Merry said hurriedly.

"That's what I thought."

We spent half an hour eating and playing with Changeling before I had to rush off to the garden terrace so she could potty – to use one word for it. That counted as my second good deed.

Useful things three and four involved cleaning my sleeping space and running errands for an hour or two. It was kind of fun to learn about the plants used in healing, and most of the healers were overjoyed to spout information to an attentive ear and note-taking hand. Of course, it wasn't cobwebs and tiger claws and white dog dung and all that mumbojumbo. It was herbs and flowers and roots, good, respectable things everyone should know about. The healers weren't medievally superstitious. They were wise in the ways of plants and people, and a few even specialized in animal healing. Fancy that! All in all, I enjoyed myself very well.

For useful thing number five, I ran to visit Éowyn. She was sitting up in bed, gazing out her window with a glower on her face.

"Good morning," I sang out, coming in and flopping on her bed.

"Hullo, Candorien," she said with no emotion and a scowl.

"What's the matter?" I asked concernedly, losing all goofiness in an instant.

"I," Éowyn sighed, "I did not come to this war just to be locked in a room to heal."

"I know. I didn't come to this war just to be treated like a child."

"Candorien," Éowyn sat up straighter and fixed me with a disapproving eye, "you have **not** been treated like a child, unless it be a spoiled one."

"What?" I sputtered in some annoyance, shocked by her accusation.

"You were allowed to come to war. You have been given permission to ride and play. They even let you **train** with the soldiers," she said with surprising fervency and envy. "You have been given opportunities many girls only dream of! And yet they seem only trifles to you. Why?"

I swallowed hard. Should I tell her, or should I not? It certainly couldn't hurt, could it? What would she think of me? Would she get angry?

_It's too late for these questions now, my girl, _I told myself. _You ought to have thought of them before telling the elf. Now, I fear there is no choice **but** to tell her._

"Um, Éowyn," I began hesitantly, "there's something you ought to know…"

When I had told her the full tale, the woman leaned back and closed her eyes. She thought for several long minutes. At last turning to look at me, Éowyn smiled and shook her head.

"You are a conundrum," she announced with a grin.

"Eh? How so?"

"You're from another world!" Éowyn exclaimed. "Tell me all about your home."

So I did.

When at last we both grew weary of talking, I ran off to visit Merry. Éowyn said she was going for a walk. I grinned, thinking I knew all too well whom she would meet there.

Merry told me lots of things about hobbits, and when our conversation failed, we sat in silence for a while. Finally I asked, "Would you like to come ride with me?"

His eyes brightened. Quickly, a plan to escape from under the healer's eyes was thought up. Smiling evilly, we slipped out his window and crept along the streets till we were out of sight. Then we rang to Hasufel's stable. Soft and quick, I saddled and led my gelding out of the building. Mounting, I pulled Merry up after me, and we set off. With the clang and clatter of hooves on stone cobbles, we trotted through the streets, looking in shops as we passed them. Of course, we hadn't any money, but really, what did that matter? We only stopped when someone threatened to tell the guard about us.

Instead of pretend shopping now, we set about visiting all the historic monuments. It was like a self-guided tour, but a very odd one. We had no idea where to go, of course, but that is always more fun. Statues, fountains, dead white trees of Gondor, you name it, we saw it, except for Spinning Tops of Doom and pink mumakils.

Eventually, the healers discovered we were missing and sent someone for us. Said someone grabbed Hasufel's bridle and pulled the poor dear all the way to the Houses of Healing, where he told us to get lost. The rude man then dragged my horse off to his stable. It was with angry hearts we stalked into the building. Well, mine was angry, anyways.

Shortly after Merry and I had reestablished ourselves in his room, a flustered Faramir burst in. He promptly began to question us about Éowyn. We answered to the best of our ability, trying to be as honest as possible. For my part, I worked hard on not crushing. His resemblance to his brother was great indeed. I was **not** going to fall in love with a Boromir look-alike, and thankfully, I didn't.

After Faramir had left, Merry wanted to sleep, so I slipped out the window, carrying Changeling, and went to go take care of Hasufel. In less than ten minutes, I was riding bareback with Changeling pelting after me. My gelding raced towards the first circle of the city. As he took a sharp corner, I fell sideways, overcome with inertia. In what seemed almost slow motion, I tumbled off the horse into darkness.

* * *

**A/N: Again, sorry it took so long to update. Don't kill me for the cliffie. As always, feedback is welcome.**

**Your Friendly Neighborhood AiH**


	35. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Ask Legolas. Nothing.**

* * *

Consciousness returned slowly, my mind antagonistic towards the idea of waking. I blinked hazily, and a room that was both familiar yet utterly strange and terrifying at the same time swam into view. Sterile white walls surrounded equally sterile white fixtures. Cold, false electric light glared down from the ceiling. I was lying in an uncomfortable hospital bed, dressed in a hospital gown, an IV attached to my arm. With a grimace of pain, I sat up. The pain was caused by the IV, which apparently wasn't meant for movement. With a sigh, I gritted my teeth against further pain and ripped it out casually. My next course of action was to get out of that stupid bed.

Slowly, I swung my legs of the side of the bed and set them on the cool floor. Much more quickly, I stood and bustled around the room. I opened every cupboard and drawer but found nothing to wear. Yippee. I was stuck in a hospital gown. Unfashionable even by **my** standards. I found a mirror in the bathroom, and I examined my reflection with great interest, taking care to avoid looking at the toilet and shower. They seemed so strange to me after the tubs and privies of Middle-earth.

My face was thinner – a great deal thinner – than it had been when I arrived in Middle-earth, as was the rest of my body. I was taller by a few inches, and my hair hung neatly to just below my shoulders. There was also a changes in my eyes that made me seem older and, well, as if I'd seen too much. I looked haunted and sad. Even a smile did not dispel the sorrow in my eyes. And I was sad, but I knew that the time to address it would come later. Now, I needed to handle this situation.

On instinct, I reached up a hand to feel for my necklace. It wasn't there. I wanted to cry awfully badly, but I knew I couldn't. Not just yet. Not 'til I was home and alone.

Just then, a nurse came into the main room and shrieked, apparently surprised to find her patient gone and IV-less.

"Yes, mum?" I came out of the bathroom, my hands loose and relaxed at my sides. "You want me?"

"Girl, you're awake…you're moving…you're not in a coma!" With that hysterical outburst, she fainted by the door.

Great. Just great. I'd been in a coma. With a sigh, I went to the phone and dialed my home number. Something told me my life was about to get crazy.

And it did. As luck would have it, I had been in a coma for six months, missing half the school year. To catch up with my class, my parents planned to put me in summer school and have me cram. I was interviewed on talk shows and met famous people – people I'd once dreamed of meeting. But it didn't matter.

Inside, my heart was dying. Every day when I woke up, I wanted to cry. For I missed Middle-earth. When I played with or fed my boxer, I saw Changeling in his brown eyes and felt sick with longing for my playful black-and-white puppy. I saw Hasufel in every horse we passed while driving in the car. But none was him. None had the complete joy found in running or the gentle behavior he did. When I saw those horses, my heart yearned for the fields where we had been so utterly happy. And I knew they were gone forever.

I missed my friends. Merry and Pip with their silliness. Éowyn and her frankness. Aragorn and the way he would take me in hand when I got out of line. Legolas and his quiet friendship and the way he taught me his song. Gimli and his random cracks at elves. Everyone else and how they mostly accepted me.

And I missed my things. How I wanted my comfortable elven clothes! My hand would stray to my hip and find, to its chagrin, no finely forged weapon there. My flute was gone, and the metal one I owned did not even compare in tone or sweetness.

Worst of all the things I had lost, I missed Middle-earth itself. The quiet woods, verdant fields, and vibrant rivers had won me over completely. Its virgin land, so beautiful to my young eyes, was gone from my reach forever. And so, when I was alone, I cried. I cried as if my heart would break, for it felt it had. I read LotR, and part of my pain was relieved, but not all, for my heart bore a grievous burden.

And then one day I discovered an old, leather-bound trunk in our attic. Carefully, I blew off the dust and attempted to raise the lid. It wouldn't budge. I pressed it all over, in case it possessed some secret lever, but still it did not open. With a sigh, I poked it in a random spot. The lid sprang up. Scrambling to my knees, I peered into its depths. Inside the trunk lay a layer of yellowed tissue paper, which I peeled back with great care.

Upon seeing what was underneath the paper, I let out a moan of pleasure. There, neatly folded, lay my trousers, tunic, cloak, and undershirt. Beneath them were both my light elven shoes and my heavy boots. Beside those lay my sword, dagger, bow, quiver, flute, belt, and belt pouch. Inside my pouch my horse necklace nestled, along with a little note. Hurrying to clasp it around my neck, I forgot the note. A moment later, I recalled it and with a soft 'o' opened it and read the message.

_Candorien,_

_Arwen made me promise not to tell you this, but I was going to when we returned from Mordor, anyways. It was the two of us who gave you the necklace and weapons – Arwen thought you might need a friend, and I daresay I agreed. When we returned and found Hasufel and Changeling alone and wandering the streets…I have never seen animals that upset. We all searched and searched for you. Finally, Gandalf said you had gone home, and we stopped looking. I do not know why I am writing this or putting all your things away…it just feels the right thing to do._

_Aragorn_

I sat back on my heels with a bittersweet smile. That's when I decided to write it all down. Don't ask me how I did it, but somehow I wrestled the monster trunk downstairs into my room and hid it in my closet. The door shut, I grabbed my notebook and began to scribble. A smile lit up my face. Somehow now, I knew everything would turn out alright. And it did…but that is another story.

_Fin._

**

* * *

A/N: As always, I like to give my faithful readers a little sneak peek at the sequel. So, read on and whet your curiosity. The sequel should be up in two weeks or less.**

_Placing his hand lightly on the small of my back, Berenglorion smiled. "Are you ready?"  
_

_One hand on his shoulder, the other clasped in his, I grinned back, for once completely sure of myself. "Of course. You, Char?"_

_The smug elf acknowledged both question and nickname with a slight nod._

_And we were off! Never before had my feet flown that fast, but the patterns were familiar, and the pressure of his hand on my back kept me in rhythm. Other couples whirled around us, the great hall filled with color, music, and laughter. But my attention was focused only on the elf before me._

_"Having fun?" he asked when at last we both felt sure enough of the dance to relax._

_"Yeah." He spun me out and then back in._

_"We need to fix that problem." The elf gestured to MEKESSG and Legolas, dancing extremely close together not too far away._

_"Mmhmm. And I've got the perfect idea." An evil grin lit up my face. This was going to be fun._


End file.
